News

Is It That Time Of The Month Again?

/ Anita Marie / 3 Comments

Yes indeed, it’s Sunday.

Time to have my weekly chat with God.

I know, I know

If  I were really serious about this I’d do it every day

 but if my Mom found out I call God more then her?

She’d bust me open like a crispy Lumpia.

So anyway here we go:

 

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Dear God,

I want to thank you for a pretty good week.

Nobody that I know died- besides I knew you wouldn’t approve so I kept my hands to myself.

Thank you for creating the Universe so that I can now spend Thursdays watching ” Burn Notice “.

I think it’s wonderful that the role of floozy/spy is a man who is almost 50 years old and never shaves and wears Aloha Shirts. I like it that he credits his income and home on the beach to ” those little blue pills’.

You truly inspired someone there God and it was darn fine work.

Thank you for the heat wave that has hit the Pacific Northwest.

I was about to go out and spray something that would kill my lawn just so I wouldn’t have to mow it and woo hoo in three days you killed it dead.

God, the timing on that one, I mean I was touched.

It really felt like you were watching over me there.

I owe you for that one.

 I’d also like to thank you for this:

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I walk around saying ” The Orange Ones Are Poison ” and I love -DO YOU HEAR ME- love the look people get on their faces when I say it…which is often.

By often I mean every chance I get.

And above all else thank you for aiding me on the Crispy Egg Roll Search. I’m getting closer to finding it God and I know that after these many blessings this one shall too come to pass.

Bye-

I mean

Amen

and see you next Sunday.

amm

News That Matters- to me anyway

/ Anita Marie / 6 Comments

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(okay, its a picture of The Old Spice Guy…not me deal with it)

BEIJING (AP) – Villagers in central China spent decades digging up bones they believed belonged to flying dragons and using them in traditional medicines. Turns out the bones belonged to dinosaurs, and now scientists are doing the digging

You know, I can’t really find fault with this- it looks weird but so what? Myself, I would hope that in these modern times you wouldn’t have to resort to rock eating to cure what ails you.

In my mind that is wrong.

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I just checked out the Summer Movie Guide. Guess what I won’t be doing this summer?

And I was really counting on scoring some of that yummy theatre popcorn. All I can hope for is that the Indie Film People come up with something worthwhile otherwise I’m going to have to cough up 10.00 just to satisfy a craving for greasy popcorn.

I’ll do it- that’s how desperate I am.

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There’s this woman who leads a group opposed to Mexicans living any where on the face of the planet and over the weekend I found out that she put a picture of a Latina activist  friend of my family on her website, as well as the name and address of our friend’s employer.

That wasn’t news but it should be, I mean, how often is it that you get to see a real life hit list?

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And on a way lighter note today the Roswell UFO Festival started.

Ever since I got mail and comments from friends who chewed me out for  ‘encouraging’ the UFO fantasy I’ve come out in a big way to support this festival.

First of all, I hate it when people try to reach into my head and re-wire it to suit their own needs. Second, the stories that these people are telling are just to good to let go of.

I hope they’re having fun down there today.

They’ve earned it.

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amm

News FLASH

/ Anita Marie / 3 Comments

A Reporter Insists

on

Reporting the Actual News.

Be afraid you useless Talking Heads

The Rest Of You…

Pass this on…it’s truly inspiring.

An I.B. Public Service Announcement

/ Anita Marie / Leave a comment

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These were my top three stories on this blog for the month of June:

#1

 My Bruce Campbell Tribute– okay makes sense- the concensus around I.B. is that  Bruce is Cool.

#2

A story I wrote about me and how when I was a kid I planned to have pet wolves and fly spaceships when I grew up- okay that was amusing read, especially if you’ve been drinking.

#3

And then there was this one.. Exploding Birds– guys explain that one to me… Exploding Birds.

Gee Whiz.

So

Here’s A Little Something

for

the few of you

who been enjoying yourselves

an awful lot

in the comment section

and

with those Exploding Birds

 

amm

A Universe In Five Minutes

/ Anita Marie / 6 Comments

Do you realize you can live a life time in Five Minutes?

Random thoughts are like that.

Here are a few of mine:

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Once I went to a Funeral where there was a lot of snickering going on around me

and to this day I still don’t know what was so funny.

But I’ve spent time wondering about it.

 

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Wouldn’t it be cool if Frankenstein was real?

I’ll bet he’d be a Plastic Surgeon.

I wonder what would happen if

 he had a nervous breakdown one day at work?

 

 

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I’m going to start a movement

I’m going to start a Movie Boycott

I’m going to tell people not

to go to the movies.

I’m going to tell them

to buy DVD’s instead.

USED

ones.

You should all be supporting Independant Films Anyway.

 

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If I could choose the next

President Of The United States

I’d choose

Pinhead

from

the

Hellraiser Movies

Too Bad he’s not real.

I’d do it….I really would.

 

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In Five Minutes I Built A Universe.

Awesome.

amm

Hey Anita, Have You Heard The One About…

/ Anita Marie / 24 Comments

I’m always getting links to stories that people think I will find ” amusing ” and sometimes people just write me and say, point blank, without the pretense of asking what I think about something they found on the net

 ” I’ve just  heard something really weird Anita, is it true? “

Here are a few of those stories and questions and my answers

amm

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POSSESSION AND EXORCISM

According to their objective this site is: 

A web page that (could) offers itself as a meeting place for exorcists and which could present professional doctors with a place for discussion and information exchange about the theme.

They also go on to say :

If you believe you are suffering from some kind of extraordinary demonic phenomenon, you should get in touch with the bishop’s office of the diocese you belong to. They will put you in contact with the specialist in this matter for the diocese, or they will indicate the nearest specialist in a neighboring diocese.

So what do I think?

If you believe in an Immortal Soul and you think it’s in danger I don’t think I’d trust GOOGLE to help me find a way to protect it- that’s what I think.

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Did Vikings Discover America before Columbus?

I call these stories The Redneck’s Wet Dream- look the Native Americans discovered America deal with it already. I don’t know why I keep getting these- maybe it’s because I’ve openly supported people who believe in UFO’s.

SOME people may think I’m a pushover for a good story.

But this Viking Vs Columbus story?

I’ve heard better.

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Urban Legends–

I get a billion of these a month- mainly from people who want to know what the history is behind certain stories.

I get this one a lot- I figure it’s because I’m Filipina:

You shouldn’t Throw rice at weddings because when birds eat it it swells in their stomachs and causes hemorrhaging. This is why people started using birdseed instead.

Unless those birds have stomachs that are full of boiling water I’d say it’s safe for them to eat uncooked rice….jeeze you guys.

Use a little common sense sometimes-

NB DUE TO POPULAR DEMAND I HAVE PROVIDED THIS

CLICK HERE

EVIDENCE IN THE EXPLODING PIGEONS DEBATE

 

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Is it true that after you die your hair and nails continue to grow?

The thing of it is when you die- and I mean the minute it happens -your body begins the process of decomposing.

So nothing is going to grow.

Sorry.

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If I get a billion questions about Urban Legends then I must get a billion and one questions about ” Real Vampires “ .

As in, are they for real?

I think that some people really do believe they’re Vampires and if that’s the case I’m willing to accept that- but that entire mindset escapes me.

If I could choose to be any sort of ‘super being’ I’d want to be Iman.

 

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So there you have it, these are the bits of reality

that people share with me

every single day.

Pretty nifty, isn’t it?

amm

Sucks To Be You

/ Anita Marie / 4 Comments

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When you sit around with your friends, or your cat, or if you live in Seattle, by your lonesome nursing a tall (not large) coffee- excuse me I mean ESPRESSO- and you’re planning what you’re going to be famous for one day I’ll bet you say things like:

 

” I want to write a movie that’s as good as Bubba Ho- Tep (well, that’s what I’d say)

” I want to be known for finding a million dollars buried in my back yard ”

” I want be known as the person that finds the cure for Cancer ”

etc….

I’m willing to bet that you wouldn’t think to say that you don’t want to down in history like:

 The first victim in the Western Hemisphere of Gun Violence:

 

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By Associated Press

Photo provided by the National Geographic/Puruchuco-Huaquerones Archaeological Project shows a nearly 500-year-old wound, believed to have been caused by a Spanish firearm, in the first documented gunshot victim in the New World.

Oh Really?

/ Anita Marie / Leave a comment

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Here in my home state of Washington two cases of  violence involving three students in a place called Bainbridge Island were treated by the press as ‘ those silly things that kids do’ 

The Press compared two girls who ‘allegedly’ poisoned a teacher to get out of doing homework as some sort of silly cartoon prank and when a 17 year old boy who made death threats against students was also found to be in possession of bomb making materials as well as a small marijuana operation-the press took it as a chance to go to bat for Bainbridge (again) to remind us all that they’re not ” like us ” out there on ‘ The Island’  

Unlike some other districts in the region, Bainbridge Island had managed so far to avoid any high-profile incidents of school violence — but Monday’s events showed that such incidents could happen anywhere”

-Seattle PI

Oh really- anywhere?

That may be the case but get a grip- they’ve been happening out there on Bainbridge- deal with it.

( stories from PI below )

Girls, 12, allegedly poison teacher at school

In a caper worthy of Wile E. Coyote’s finest failures, two 12-year-old girls from Bainbridge Island are accused of attempting to elude punishment for a tardy assignment Thursday by poisoning their teacher, Kasey Jeffers, with a flavored lip balm they knew would make her ill.  

Bainbridge High student arrested after death threats 

Police searching the home of a 17-year-old Bainbridge Island High School student suspected of leaving death threats at the school Monday found as many as 30 computers, bomb-making materials and a small marijuana-growing operation.

‘Cause God Says So…that’s WHY

/ Anita Marie / 10 Comments

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A few weeks ago I wrote a story about a Road Rage Incident I witnessed on the way home from work. The thing of it is, there are so many of these stories going around now that it caught someone’s attention.

Whose?

God’s- that’s who.

Look, I don’t know why God got on this one. I figure  God must have had one of those ” I’m in the mood to flood the world but I promised not to do that again days “ and  decided to go for the Road Ragers instead ( GO GOD! ) through the Vatican 

So here they are – from God’s lips to your ears-

The “Drivers’ Ten Commandments,” as listed by the document, are:

1. You shall not kill.

( check )

2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.

( No more Drive By Killings, I like that one )

3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.

(Like talking your way out of tickets- right?)

4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.

(Okay, there’s nothing wrong with aiming high God but I wouldn’t keep my fingers crossed they might cramp after awhile)

5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.

(THAT MEANS NO MORE CRUISIN’ FOR NOOKIE!)

6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.

( HEY QUEEN OF THE DUI’S THAT’S YOU PARIS HILTON- PASS THIS ON TO YOUR FRIENDS)

7. Support the families of accident victims.

( Check, I like that one )

8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.

( whoa…I just flashed on scenes from the Jerry Springer show- don’t know about this one )

9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.

( Good one God, you’re on a roll here )

10. Feel responsible toward others.

( You’re talking to Reality Show Junkies out there God, they’re all about kicking people off

The Island- but I’ll give it a shot )

Abracadabra!

/ Anita Marie / 3 Comments

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Do you want to know what I wish for every single day?

I wish against wishes that the egg rolls I eat for lunch are super crunchy just like they were that one day two years ago.

I wish I were taller. I’m five-five which pretty much doomed me to the average category everywhere else in my life.

I wish I could cheat at cards-not for money- I just like the idea of being a card shark. They get to wear cool sunglasses and drive boss cars.

I wish for a blackout blizzards to hit us in June or August- right in the middle of a heat wave- just so I could see the look of surprise on everybody’s faces.

That’s what I wish for, aren’t you glad you asked?

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okay…now it’s your turn make a wish and blow then candle out.

Did your wish come true?

No?

Well who cares.

Wish anyways

and wish

BIG.

amm