Same Planet, Different Worlds…
Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary
8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary
Day 983 of my captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or
some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless
must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to
disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I
had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed
in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear
the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to
the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means and how to use it to
my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The
dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be
more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
For now …
:::where I got this from-my husband-who probably thinks my cat wrote it::::
Irregular Bones 
I love this.
Years ago when Wolfie saw my sister’s pet dove in a cage in my bedroom he walked by me, grabbed my leg and bit me.
Hard.
Hmmm…..
The other inmates, LOL.
This is great.
I saw a video of a dog rescuing an injured dog off the highway. He really risked his life, and it was so dramatic. Someone left a funny comment on it, “You would never see a cat do something like that.”
I still laugh when I think about it.
And you think MY animals are weird? Geez.
My mother sent me this – it’s hilarious. the cat’s diary reminds me of Stewie’s inner voice (from the Family Guy)
Evil Kitteh askin nicely for food.
Hi Kitty- when I saw that video I cried like a baby. I also cried for other reasons when I saw that comment you quoted here.
Lori- you know what makes animals nuts? Us. I had a bunch of those little pink ribbons that you can stick to a newborn’s (human ) head and I stuck some on my cat for days and days. Little pink bows on my big bad MALE cat.
N.M. I loved the way the cat’s diary starts- it’s brilliant and deserves an award.
Cle- Evil Kitteh is verrrryyyyy hungry……
I love that.
Sick. But I love it.
That dog’s diary could easily be mistaken for the average guy’s.
I love this post. Great job!
funny Anita. Dogs where I’m from don’t even get named, they aren’t really pets they fend for themselves. Cats here are wild (free) and attack the wild life (birds). I think they were introduced to get rid of the rats. Now we have a problem with them, Knowing the govt here they will introduce something that eats cats to get rid of the problem and then we’ll have a problem with that. Sound like that Poem that goes. ” I know an old woman that swallowed a fly” and you know what happened to her In the end, don’t you.:-)
You stuck WHAT on your cat? Dang, AM, it’s a wonder your cat didn’t leave home………….. 🙂
hey anita – have you seen the Aurora House of Horrors Guillotine on this site? it’s so you…..
http://thegalleryofmonstertoys.com/60swing/60smainpage.html
and you wonder why he bites you ….NO chomp MORE chomp RIBBONS chomp
Hi everyone!
Sorry I didn’t thank you all yesterday – it was sort of an off day for me. So here goes:
Rob thank you very much for stopping by, I took a look at your blog too and it’s a great setup. I’m looking forward to visiting it more.
Fevah when I was little the only cats I saw in Hawaii were Feral Canefield cats- but we needed them around to help keep the pests that lived in the fields across the street from getting into our yard. Besides they were spooky looking and I loved them.
Cle and Lori- it was Wolfie I did that too. Why that cat loved me like he did will always be a mystery to me. My younter cats would just sit there in front of me and cry until I took the ribbons off-except for Blitzer, he’d probably find a way to put a pillow over my face while I was sleeping. He’s so funny.
Hi Max- if I could define characters like this in my stories I would be SUCH a great writer.
Nurse I love ALL of your links, but this one rocks.
Thanks again everyone and sorry again I missed your last call 🙂