Hi God!

Betch’a missed me round the old Pearly Gates..ha, just kidding.

Like I’d hang out there- that Velvet Rope stuff is so elitist…

Instead I’ve been learning about what happens when the gene pool gets to shallow

 so here we go

today I’m putting some of it in

GOD CHAT

Lord I wonder if you understand that if you want to scare people into being good you shouldn’t make them laugh…

When I was a kid my Mom used to threaten to spank us with this wooden spoon- which was pretty funny because she wasn’t into that spanking gig, plus by the time I was 10 I was five inches taller then her and my brother was this low functioning dweeb that would laugh at anything so the entire discipline thing sort of fell apart when she’d start screaming in her Hawaiian accent about how bad we were.

She sounded like one Betty Boop on speed.

So anyway God…if you want me to marvel at your works ( and not snicker ) don’t create people like the lot in Oregon ( God I do love those guys down there ) who ran around stealing Garden Gnomes and then they put all of gnomes ( all 75 ) on one lawn.

The Police took the Gnomes into custody…and if you’re missing one you can check their website- oh and just to show you this is real here’s the report and the pictures of the…um, victims- though the person who woke up to find these things staring into their windows will probably be in therapy for a very long time

SPRINGFIELD POLICE DEPARTMENT

( hey that’s the town THE SIMPSONS are from!

amm )

______________________________________________________________________________

INCIDENT: CASE # Criminal Mischief/Found Property 07-10284

DATE/ TIME: 10/17/07 @ 1743 hours

LOCATION: ( deleted by amm )

______________________________________________________________________________

NARRATIVE OF INCIDENT: A resident of the Thurston area of Springfield called the Police on 10/17/07 to report that someone had placed numerous lawn ornaments in the yard of the residence sometime the previous evening. A Community Service Officer responded to the location and found approximately seventy five lawn ornaments placed in an orderly manner on and around the front lawn. These lawn ornaments were primarily animal and gnome type figurines and were likely taken from other residences at various times.

Springfield Property control personnel would like to return those items to the owners and have decided the most efficient way to do this would be to place photographs of the various ornaments on the Springfield Police web site, www.ci.springfield.or.us\police\media.htm.

If you received this by FAX and not e-mail, you may obtain photos by calling 726-3721

FOR ADDITIONAL INFORMATION CONTACT: Capt. Richard Harrison 726-3721

NEWS RELEASE COMPLETED BY: Brent Carpenter 726-2326

Now there’s a lot you gave us here to be thankful for in the Pacific Northwest Lord…and I look high and low for these things every day. I’m inclined to look low because you know…that’s the way I am.

This was a tough call though like is it high or lowbrow news?

See years ago I was in this accident on the freeway and the person who got their first was a Washington State Patrolman with freckles and he looked just like Ron Howard back when he was on ” Happy Days “.

I didn’t laugh at the way his voice cracked, or the way he called me ” Ma’am ” . Nope what got me was the little bow tie that’s part of the Washington State Patrol Uniform.

I think the guy on the Maytag Commericials wears the same one.

Anway.

I tried so hard not to laugh God…but I did.

And then I made up an excuse for my outburst of rapid fire snickers and snorts that shot snot straight out of my nose and all over my windshield.

I said I’d hit my head.

Okay it was a lie and I paid for it because as soon as that came out of my mouth everyone who was showing up ‘ at the scene ‘ took it very seriously. For me it was a night of X-Rays and being woken up every couple of hours to be asked if I knew what my name was.

So today I find out our Washington State Patrol…just look:

OLYMPIA, Wash. – It’s a look that lead-foot drivers know all too well: the crisp black bow tie and blue “Smokey Bear” hat of a Washington State Patrol trooper. And according to a national trade group, the outfits are the best-looking state police uniforms in the country

Quit toying with me God.

Okay, this deserves some sort of divine retribution on your part and I’m talking real Fire and Brimstone action on your part ( may I remind you that you only promised to not flood anybody anymore…I checked ).

The city of Mountlake Terrace is making a man scuttle a pirate ship he built  for his kids in his yard.

According to our ahem  our ” Code Enforcement Officers ” ( no I did NOT make that up…that’s what they’re called) it violates city building codes.

Heaven help us- it’s a Pirate Ship and unless it sails down the middle of the street and runs over one of my cats I don’t care what anyone puts in…

their own yard.

Especially if it’s something as awesome as a Pirate Ship….at least it’s not a giant garden gnome ( sorry…sorry….couldn’t resist ).

So there it is God….this is what you created right in front of my nose this week…other people may wonder why I pay attention to this and talk to you about it…

But what can I say- I love a good sense of humor.

Keep up the good works

See ya round

and

ahmmmennnn