WHEN IN ROME DON’T DO WHAT THE ROMANS DO UNLESS YOU’RE A ROMAN

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Yesterday my family were sitting around the old Christmas Tree, eating the Candy, finishing off the turkey and telling stories  with Christmas Music playing in the background- all that was missing was Tiny Tim asking God to Bless us all.

But that old fashioned Christmas feeling was sort of shot to the North Pole on a Yule Log because at least four of my family members were sending text messages to their friends.

I choose my victim- which thank you Baby Jesus was my little Brother-and I start giving him a hard time about being a slave to his Phone and he says how he’s just starting to get the hang of this text messaging thing so he has to practice.

It’s like learning another language, he tells me, and if you don’t practice you could really embarrass yourself like he did a few months ago

when….

” You know what happened when I started this text thing Cheeto La Frito? ( that’s his nickname for me)  I couldn’t get those letters right. It was weird I’d get these letters all strung together that made no sense so I wouldn’t answer. I even took my phone back because I thought something was wrong with it.”

” Anyway, I was dating this girl and we were supposed to meet for dinner and I’m at the restaurant when she sends me this text message that her Grandmother had died.

Well, I couldn’t think of anything to write back so I just sent her my love. “

” And….”

” Well, I thought I’d use the new lingo and typed in my love. “

” Uh-huh.”

” Lots of it.”

” I should hope so.” I told him.

” So I texted back LOL.”

 

OMG.

I hope your Christmas was just as fun(nny)

amm

What A Day!

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Santa asked me, with a straight face:

“I’m sure you’ve been a good girl, what would you like for

Christmas

Anita Marie?”

I said:

“I’d like to go to Roswell for

The 2008 UFO Festival.”

” That would involve you leaving the state for a few week, wouldn’t it?” Santa says too me.

” Indeed” I say to Santa.

” Talk about killing two birds with one stone ” Santa DOES NOT exactly say under his breath.

” Huh? ” I ask.

” Sure Anita, call my elves down there in Roswell and book a room

because I’M GETTING  YOU THE HECK OUT OF SEATTLE… I mean no, wait….

you’re going to Roswell for the 2008 UFO Festival….enjoy!”

“I will  Santa, I will…” I say with heartfelt Christmas Joy- I’m talking the real thing…not that fake Hallmark Joy. 

…and if you’d like to read about my Journey to Roswell don’t forget to come back to my Irregular Bones- I’m going to do my own count down to the big day and beyond….

because this is a big deal…

look at the

great time I get to have

OVER THE FOURTH OF JULY HOLIDAY!!!

Hop on board the UFO ( well click the UFO Roswell Logo ) and see what kind of fun they had down there last year

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Hey! Merry Christmas and don’t forget to have a Happy New Year too!

On The Twelfth Day

All Sales Are Final 

 

On the twelfth day of Christmas, 
my true love sent to me 
Twelve drummers drumming, 
Eleven pipers piping, 
Ten lords a-leaping, 
Nine ladies dancing, 
Eight maids a-milking, 
Seven swans a-swimming, 
Six geese a-laying, 
Five golden rings, 
Four calling birds, 
Three French hens, 
Two turtle doves, 
And a partridge in a pear tree! 

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For serveral years I believed my family Christmas Gatherings on the whole were trauma and drama free- or so I thought until I decided to write my own version of ” The Twelve Days of Christmas”.

And then I started to remember things like the time I went on a bike ride in the snow covered with Chicken Pox. And how on another  Christmas I convinced my little Sister ( let’s see she was about five at the time)  we found her floating in Greenlake in a basket just like Baby Moses and how if Santa found out he was probably going to take her presents to her real house so she shouldn’t count on getting anything at MY family’s house that Christmas.

Oh and there that Christmas Eve I hid all of my brother’s socks and underwear- we were older at the time – like 19 and 18 or something. But watching him toss a hissy fit over a bunch of lost underwear was worth all the threats of bodily harm my Mom was threatening to do to me if I didn’t give his stuff back right now That Christmas Eve is one of my most precious memories.

No it did not send him into counseling- at least I don’t think so.

And of course there was that time when I was about 13 when my dog Sham -who was this giant Malamute snatched the turkey off the counter where it was cooling and after I got it back from him me and my brother and sister had to put it back together because we tore it almost in half when we pulled it out of Sham’s jaws.

Talk about team work- not only did get that thing put back together we did it without our parents knowing- which of course probably isn’t the case at all but what the hey- it was probably the quietest the three of us had been since our Christmas Vacation from school had started a week before.

My parents were into ‘be grateful for small blessings’ mindset. 

Let’s see- oh sure, there was that other time I took all of the chocolate covered cherries and drained the juice out of them- and for the rest of the night everyone complained about ‘that box of defective Cherry Cordials’ and how only OUR family could be unlucky enough to get it.

That box of candy still represents our family as the Underdog Champs of the world.

And then there was that year me and my brothers and sister and cousins performed a concert for our families.

We stood on the stairs just like the kids in the Brady Bunch and song meaningful heartfelt songs like Working On A Chain Gang, Teen Angel and my own personal favorite Goodnight Irene.

That ‘ concert and the songs were my idea- and if there was ever a Kodak moment in the history of photography the look on all of those faces as they watched us sing by the glow of the Christmas Tree was one of them.

So honest- there wasn’t a lot of trauma or drama and looking back on it you could have done worse then us – given how many of us there were and how all of us were so different from each other ( okay and the rest of the human race ) all of these things could have been the stuff of holiday disasters.

But they weren’t.

We always had a good time and I’ll bet that after reading this a few people will be awfully glad they’ve got the families they have.

So.

We All Win.

Merry Christmas

December 24, 2007

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So on this Eve of Christmas I started to think about:

My childhood friends- gone from this life-  who used to call up on Christmas and ask if it would be okay for them to come over and how my Mom or Dad or one of my other relatives would snatch the phone away from me and say to them, ” if you weren’t busy asking stupid questions you could be here by now.”

I thought about my Grandparents and my Aunts who left us but not before they taught me to be brave and kind and creative – and to never be afraid to speak up.

And I thought about my sweet cat Wolfgang- aka Insanity Jones- whose confidence in me to take care of him and to be his friend never left him- I saw it in his eyes when he died.

I thought about how I could easily sit here and just grieve over all of these losses on a night that’s about gathering together to celebrate life and hope.

And in the end  I knew I couldn’t do that because

what they all gave to me, nothing can ever take away.

Remember that.

I always will.

Merry Christmas

amm

On The Eleventh Day

Things Start To Get A Little Too Quiet

On the eleventh day of Christmas, 
my true love sent to me 
Eleven pipers piping, 
Ten lords a-leaping, 
Nine ladies dancing, 
Eight maids a-milking, 
Seven swans a-swimming, 
Six geese a-laying, 
Five golden rings, 
Four calling birds, 
Three French hens, 
Two turtle doves, 
And a partridge in a pear tree. 

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My favorite part of Christmas wasn’t the presents or the food or even the free Sideshow that my family and friends provided that I in turn have shamelessy used in my writing years later

My family and friends are in ALL of my stories.

Anyway.

The best part was when we’d turn off most of the house lights, light some candles sit around the lit Christmas Tree and do the only thing you could do after a hard day of eating and drinking and making Merry.

We’d tell stories.

Everyone had a chance to tell a story- no matter how old or young – you got a chance to have the floor and tell stories like that one about that time when….

My Grandfather Saw The Ghost Lady

One of my Grandfathers was a dark haired Englishman and the other was a dark haired Filipino man and they both shared a similar experience.

They both saw the same woman at the same time- and they were living on opposite sides of the world.

So, in your minds eye picture my English Grandfather driving his 1940 Ford Coupe- his dark hair slicked back and wearing a snazzy suit- down the unlit rural streets of a town just outside of Seattle.

It’s a cold night because it’s Christmas Eve and it had started to snow a little that afternoon and the roads were icy and dangerous but that was fine with the dashing handsome man with my laugh that would one day become my Grandfather because he’s a good driver and he has no intention of not showing up at his family’s house in time for Christmas Dinner.

And somewhere in the Canefields on the big Island of  Hawaii my other Grandfather- a dark handsome man with jet black hair and my eyes- is driving  something called a Willy’s Jeep- through the dark fields towards his home along the bluff of the Waipio Valley where his family is waiting for him to bring home the treats for their Christmas Party.

And as they almost reach their homes they each see standing on the side of the road- a woman.

Her hair is white and her eyes are green .

She’s wearing a black dress and her hair is pulled back and she’s wearing rings on all of her fingers.

Each of them pulls up to the side of the road and asks the woman if she needs help.

” No” she tells them. ” I just need a ride.”

” To where ” they ask.

 She leans in and whispers, ” Why, I want to go to wherever it is you’re going.”

Both of them don’t like her- they don’t like the way her hand rests on the hoods of their car, they don’t like the way she sounds, they don’t like the way she seems very sure she’s going to get what she wants.

” You can’t come with me. ” they tell her.

The Woman slams her palm down and the Car and the Jeep tilt a little to the left and she says, ” I go where I want- do you hear me? And what I want is for you to let me in!”

Both of my Grandfathers start to pull away and that’s when they look down and see that the hem of the woman’s dress is floating a little above the ground- where her feet should be.

But weren’t.

When they looked backup into her face she was smiling.

” I travel these roads but I don’t walk them.”

Did she tell you how she traveled them? I asked over 30 years later.

Neither man answered me.

Their story always ended with them driving off and the Ghost Lady being pulled back into the trees at the side of the road or the canfields by the shadows.

I think she did answer and in the end when they died I think they won- whatever that Ghost Lady said, whatever curse or threat she made- got left on those roads years ago.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if they had let her in, would I be here to tell you this story?

I could answer it if you like…or you could leave it here on the side of the road.

The choice is yours.

Happy Holidays

from

amm

 

 

 

 

 

Haggis For The Holidays

Count on my Heroes Mark and Mark at Weird New Jersery to find their own special way to celebrate the Holidays- you know,  in their own special way:

ENJOY