Writing

The Indiana Toilet Monster

/ Anita Marie / 7 Comments

In the spirit of the upcoming holiday (I don’t mean my birthday…I mean Halloween) I thought I’d post some nifty Halloween Related Urban Legends from now until the BIG DAY.

I’ve decided to start with

The Toilet Monster

skull1-11.jpg

The toilet monster is a girl named Carmen who was pushed down into a sewer by her classmates and died. Carmen Whitehead lived in Indiana, so the story goes- and for some reason it’s important to mention that so I did.

Okay…back to the story.

So shortly after Carmen meets her death in the Sewer this post shows up at MySpace:

If you don’t repost this saying:

They Pushed Her Down The Sewer

Carmen will get you…

To fill you in, Carmen from Indiana will come up from you Shower or Toilet and drag you down to where she is in the sewers and then she’ll kill you.

I think it would be way more efficient to kill you first and then flush you down the toilet- but hey I didn’t write this.

I did however enjoy it because I can’t help but to wonder how many of you will think about Carmen The Indiana Toilet Monster the next time you visit the smallest room in the house.

I think that’s pretty darn funny.

Urban Legends…. they are more then amusing stories they are the gift that keeps on giving.

The Insanity Defense League

/ Anita Marie / 18 Comments

My Cat, Wolfgang A. Mozart

– aka Insanity Jones is sick.

I don’t know who or what his trying to take Wolfie away – but be warned

It won’t be easy.

oh and here’s our logo and motto

( so like we’re official now )

ps.

BITE US.

defiancemouse2fingers.gif

You Just Never Learn, Do You?

/ Anita Marie / 15 Comments

coolclips_anim0827.jpg

When I was about 22 I used to go dirt bike riding…a lot.

One summer I almost hit a tree because I didn’t want to run over my friend who had taken a bad spill in front of me.

Anyway I remember just missing the tree and ending up on my back with my bike on top of me and at the time I knew I was fine, but when they pulled my bike up I remember laughing like a jackass and saying, ” whoa…that’s gonna hurt tomorrow ”

Well tomorrow came 20 years later.

So Instead of taking the aspirin or using the heating pad I went out and played with my brand spanking new digital camera.

Playing with my camera involved me chasing my cats around, twisting into weird positions and I wanted to see if I moved around if the picture would still come out clear ( glad to report it does ).

 Oh, and I sat in front of the computer catching up on my writing until I realized my legs had gone numb.

All I can say is, ” I’ll be this is going to hurt tomorrow ”

hahaha-lulz.jpg

I’ve Got Spice!

/ Anita Marie / 1 Comment

Charlie Gave Me An AWARD.

He gave me a Bruce Campbell themed Award.

51.png

( see…it’s mega cool )

Charlie is the Bee’s Knees and a great writer and you should go visit his blog….and I’m not saying that because of the Bruce thing…I’m saying it because it’s true.

So Scadaddle to Charlie’s and have fun.

Anita Marie

Home

/ Anita Marie / 1 Comment

moscoso1.gif

I’ve always thought of cemeteries as an in between place.

No one should commit a forever act here.

This story haunts me

And the sadness of what happened

overwhelms me.

I Went To Sin City and All I Brought Back Was a Keychain

/ Anita Marie / 7 Comments

vie13022.jpg

 

I was going to ask my Mom to write me a note to God to have me excused from Sunday Prayers.

But then I thought, I’ve got a bone to pick with you Hoss, so let’s do this.

 

Jesus Christ, I spent three days and two nights in Las Vegas Nevada and I’m not sure who said it was this wild place but they need to be fired.

First of all, I don’t know how wild Professional Bingo players get, but let me paint you a picture…they DON’T.

There were old people and young people and people with their kids. I only saw two people that looked like genuine lounge lizards- they were wearing bright yellow and blue suits and sprayed on tans- and it turned out they were doing an act.

I know because I asked.

I asked the guy where I could find the gambling guys like the ones I’ve seen on TV and one guy said ” in some Hollyweird Fancy Boy’s Dreams “

har, har.

I sat around a few of Wedding Chapel places and watched people get married, which was fun, I asked my husband if we could renew our vows he agreed.

When I said I wanted to find an Elvis impersonator to do the honors he disappeared for the rest of the afternoon.

Humph.

That’s okay though…cause I ordered room service and sat around my room and ordered movies that I didn’t like and put it all on his credit card.

I only spent sixty dollars.

Can you imagine Lord what I could have done if I’d REALLY been mad?

So that was my big Vegas Trip and God here’s a heads-up: I’m planning a vacation to see some mummies and if it turns out those are fake too me and you are going to have issues

Big Ones.

Later.

I mean, see you next Sunday and AMEN.

 

59771.jpg

Dig It!

/ Anita Marie / 1 Comment

190.jpg 

Guess what -I’m gardening at the Soul Food Cafe -check it out and don’t forget to visit my friend’s ” Gardens ” that are listed on the Blogroll at the bottom of the page.

amm

Anita’s Nifty Gardening Project:

Is Googling The Bible A Sin?

/ Anita Marie / 8 Comments

 

You’re testing me God…I know you are. Like you want to see how fair and compassionate and forgiving and all Churchy with my fellow human beings I’ve been.

I’ll confess straight up.

I’m going to lose, but what the Hell…you gotta forgive me for blowing it because it’s in the rules. Okay, I didn’t learn the rules in Sunday School, I googled  them.

So there.

Hey as an FYI is Googling The Bible A Sin?

Oh, at this stage of them game who cares.

Let’s get started, shall we?

vie13021.jpg 

Dear God

This week was chock-full-o nuts and I managed to crunch into every single one on the tooth that I chipped back in 1985 when that drunk lady hit my car.

First up you threw the racists right at me as I was cruising down the highway of life.

 So you ask did I forgive and move on?

Well…come on you know I didn’t.

There was this Anti-Mexican Group that protested in Seattle because they think that Mexico wants to invade the United States and Canada and that from there they plan on taking over the world.

Of course there was a Counter Protest and in the course of events-

Beer Cans and Water Balloons were thrown by Counter Protestors.

I don’t know which set me off the water balloons or beer cans.

Like were the balloons full of beer

or not?

Just curious.

I mean either or, the result was very chuckleicious.

And then of course I must’ve taken your name in vain about a million times in ten seconds after hearing that  this bridge here in Washington collapsed as a flatbed truck carrying an excavator drove across it.

I know it was like a sign from you. But the thing is I’m not sure what the sign meant.

I’m willing to chalk that one up to one of those God Mysteries and walk away from it.

And I know how amused you are by the local stuff from the County I live in otherwise weird stuff like this wouldn’t keep happening:

Like there was a LONNGGGG newspaper story about what it’s like to work in McDonalds.

Here it is in short form:

In the Service Industry you get treated like a Servant.

That sucks.

End of story.

They must pay per word at the Herald.

Mountlake Terrace made it into Wikipedia. You did that right? I mean, who the Hell else would pull a stunt like that? Oh wait….yeah that figures.

So there it is God, at every turn I had a chance to float above it all and make you proud. Instead, I sprayed Pam on the my sled and shot my way straight down every single slope you put me on top of.

It was darn fine ride.

At any rate I want to see how you top this week.

You have your work cut out for you, but I guess you know that.

So that’s it for now

See you next Sunday and…… 

59771.jpg

Amen 

 

 

You Did Not Say That!

/ Anita Marie / 3 Comments

m06c10ia.gif

I’ve kept a list of the questions that I’ve gotten into trouble for

asking

I thought I’d post them because today

was way to quiet

and

after the week I’ve had

I’m sort of missing the Legions of Hell snapping at my backside so….

! HERE THEY ARE !

What does it feel like to be a conjoined twin?

If your eye pops does it ooze out onto your face

or into your brain?

When a cannibal gets something stuck

in their teeth do they eat it

or spit it out?

Does a human kidney taste the same as a sheep’s kidney?

If you see a plunger at sewage treatment plant

should you be worried?

So

there they are…the little questions that have kept me out of the

better social circles.

hahaha-lulz.jpg

 

 

 

God IS Funny

/ Anita Marie / 6 Comments

chucky.jpg

Well Hello There!

You came by to go to Church with Anita?

Anita The I.B. Writer?

Are you kidding?

I thought she was banned…oh she prays on line.

I get it.

Well she’s not here,

Look, she left a note- you want to read it?

Yeah, she wrote it on the wall in purple crayon…she’s been in a mood this week.

Right…I know, I know it says ” God ” but she’s been looking at everyone and saying, ” God ” or ” Jesus Christ “- so you know I’m sure it’s okay.

 

 vie1302.jpg

Dear God

I thought you might be dropping by for a Chat.

To be honest I haven’t even thought about

what made this long freaking week you cursed me with

a good one.

I know that I’m good for a laugh now and then God

but for once,

 I’d like somebody else to be the butt of your jokes.

Oh wait….you know…I guess you DID have some fun

with someone else…

like with these guys:

Rescuers head for stranded and disoriented deputies

By KOMO Staff

SKAMANIA COUNTY, Wash. — Seven of the ten county sheriff’s deputies who spent Saturday night stranded on Dog Mountain has been successfully rescued, according to the Skamania County Sheriff’s Office.

The men had become stranded on the rugged gorge terrain after becoming disoriented while pulling thousands of marijuana plants from a grow on the east side of Dog Creek, 10 miles east of Stevenson, Undersheriff David Cox said.

 

And really God did you think it was funny when that guy in Prosser got bit by the rattlesnake after he chopped it’s head off?

I mean, that’s just warped.

And then this guy says, “It still gives me the creeps to think that son-of-a-gun could do that,” he said.

I didn’t laugh at that God, but I’ll bet you did.

And then there was this story in our Local Paper

where the burning question was

” Should Your Spouse Go (to your highschool) Reunions “

and really God

the obvious answer is

“Only if they don’t want you to be going to their Funeral

in the upcoming weeks.”

Funny God

Har, Har, Har.

Okay God…it’s true Prayer is good for the Soul

I just figured out you didn’t spend all week picking on me.

So you might want to check your toothpaste God.

SOMEBODY may have replaced it with a tube of  hemroid cream

SORRY

I mean

See you next Sunday

59771.jpg

( if I don’t get turned into a pillar of salt before then )

AND

Amen