..Hey feelin left out because you weren’t in Iowa and you’re not in New Hampshire
and you just want to vote for something because the process looks so cool and sexy?
has been nominated as the Most Attractive Man of 2007
Darrin and I have been friends since we were seven.
He expressed his affection for me by offering to marry me when we were in the First Grade everyday at morning recess- in front of my friends and the sixth graders and on his knees.
My answer was to tie him to the tether-ball pole and to leave him there until recess was over.
In the Second Grade Darrin used to draw hearts on my desk- in magic marker.
I used to beat him up for that because darn it, that ink would NOT come off and for some reason the teacher who thought this situation was ‘too cute for words’ ( as he told my Mom ) couldn’t ‘find’ another desk.
And then part way through the third grade it occurred to me to just ignore Darrin.
That went on for weeks until one day I’m in my room- and there’s a knock on the living room door and I hear it open and I hear
Crying
It’s Darrin and he’s there with his Mom and they’re talking and my Mom and when I went out there all I could say was
” I haven’t touched that Cootie..I hate that Cootie…he BUGS me.”
I thought I was pretty darn funny.
My Mom is not amused.
Friends and neighbors she doesn’t even blink – I don’t think she was even breathing- she was MAD.
So my Mom asks Darrin what I did ( I was tried and convicted on the spot- my Mom does not screw with due process ) and that little Cootie- Head says
” Anita hates me…she won’t talk to me anymore.”
Not only did my Mom take away my bike, she took away my record player-
just for making Darrin cry.
So at a very young age I learned…
Don’t mess with Darrin
I ‘ve lived by that for over 30 years now.
So a couple of years ago I get this e-mail from Darrin.
We’re both Doctor Who fans and he tells me that when he was in the U.K. he saw the new Doctor on the TV.
Here’s what he said,
” His name is David Tennant and do you know what Anita? I never thought I’d say this becuase I didn’t think it could ever be true- but there is someone out there who is far more prettier then you are.”
So I google David Tennant take a good look and fire back this e-mail
” Dear Cootie Maestro,
When the Master shows up he’s totally going to make this guy his Bitch.”
Darrin sent a copy of that to my Mom- who couldn’t punish me but it should be noted that for Christmas that year she didn’t give me her traditional gift of Cherry Cordials ( the mint ones ).
Even from his Grandmother’s house on the other side of the world Darrin got me busted.
God!
So for a couple of YEARS I have bit my lip everytime Darrin starts talking about
and I quote
” Doctor Whoa Baby Tennant “
It was all good until about a month or so ago when I called Doctor Who a floozy- well for god-sakes it was a comment section and how was I supposed to know people who don’t comment ( LIKE YOU DARRIN ) read those things-
Anyway, Darrin sees it…
so he says it’s my choice-
I give up blog space to Doctor Whoa Baby or he tells about the time I….
well-
anyway
he’ll do it.
And how long will I have to do this for?
Until I die.
Like I said Don’t F*&^ with Darrin.
But don’t worry Darrin… Mon Petit Insecte…
Vengence will be mine.
One day my Mom will NOT be around to protect you.
Until then…
here’s some Doctor Whoa Baby stuff….Darrin….you Toad…
blah blah blah, missing scientist, blah blah blah, atom bomb
this is a great blog- go see it for yourself- and to get you moving along it does involve YOU KNOW WHO HERE
This is a fun clip.
I happen to like the song, plus somebody gets slapped around a couple of times- anyway….here it is….
This is a pretty cool fansite…if you’re interested in pictures and things of that nature that involve Mr. Tennant
Okay.
I’m done.
For now.
Geeze
On one world someone ( ahem Max ) likes this guy- he’s a famous actor.
My niece- who is a sane 15 and exists on the same Planet as Max -knows him as the PriceLine.Com guy-
okay, I have to fess up when I started to think about this warp in reality I felt like I was in one of those Twilight Zone Episodes involving Mirrors and people who look like the people you know…
but they’re not.
( scary music bit comes in here )
Okay- for real now….
I actually thought that entire Priceline/ Captain Kirk situation was pretty funny until I remembered the first time I was shot into a screwed up alternate reality.
Here’s what happened- I was a HUGE MEGA fan of a band called Slade when I was like 10 or 11 and shut the Heck up about it years later when this Metal Band hijacked TWO…COUNT THEM… TWO of their songs and flew them straight up the charts.
I should have had more guts…I should have at least laughed at the lameness of it all…I was a musician, I played in clubs, I taught guitar and you know what? I could have articulated why something like this was just wrong, wrong, wrong.
Well I didn’t, and that turned out to actually be a defining moment in my life because from that point on I NEVER hid how I really felt about Music or Politics or Writing after swallowing that bitter piece of vomit.
Okay, it’s history-Slade still rocks and over the years I still haven’t changed- I still speak up- in fact-
I like to speak up…and I do it every chance I get.
So in closing here’s a pretty great song that Quiet Riot DIDN’T record.
Yay.
Enjoy.
amm
Run Run Away
I like black and white (dreaming of black and white)
You like black and white
Run run away
[chorus]
See chameleon
Lying there in the sun
All things to everyone
Run run away
If you’re in the swing (money ain’t everything)
If you’re in the swing
Run run away
If you gotta crush (don’t beat about the bush)
When I gotta crush
Run run away
Oh now can’t you wait (love don’t come on a plate)
Oh now can’t you wait
Run run away
See there chameleon
Lying there in the sun
All things to everyone
Run run away
Run run away
Run run away
Run run away
(click on the Pic to get to Slade’s Official Site)
WHEREAS Anita Marie spent 2007 writing about how much fun you can have in a graveyard, revenge, corruption of the human spirit, monsters, demons and ghosts
WHEREAS Anita Marie spent her free time in 2007 talking to two Mummies at Curio Shop in Seattle
WHEREAS Anita Marie is planning to put together her own Fiji Mermaid when she should be planning things like how to deal with things like oncoming traffic
WHEREAS Anita Marie spends way to much time mapping out a ski route through two local cemeteries and curses the Universe and whoever is in charge of it every-time the snow reports turn out to be bogus
WHEREAS the first vacation Anita Marie has taken in over 10 years is to a UFO festival in New Mexico in order to carry out a brilliant plan
THEREFORE Be it Resolved: Anita needs to have a little less fun in 2008
Happy New Year!
Hi There!
Anita can’t come out and play today-
she’s been visited by the Common Cold Bug and his Friend The Flu.
Did you think she’d get NORMAL visitors during the holidays?
Court Papers PDF- FYI this will take awhile to load
Doubtful, Michele is a killer.
And how could you believe a word that falls from the mouth of a person who plans to execute her entire family on Christmas Eve?
So we will always be left to wonder why Michele Anderson butchered her own family.
I, for one, will always wonder what kind of walking nightmare could spill the blood of two innocent children and then use her victims to remind us that she is human and is capable of empathy.
Michele said she had those children murdered to spare them the awful memories.
The reality is she will not have truly spared anyone, and that includes the public who will never be safe as long as this inhuman monster is allowed to dwell among us, until she meets her death at the end of the executioner’s needle.
And at that point it’s my sincere hope that her Hell begins.
And that it never, ever ends.
Yesterday my family were sitting around the old Christmas Tree, eating the Candy, finishing off the turkey and telling stories with Christmas Music playing in the background- all that was missing was Tiny Tim asking God to Bless us all.
But that old fashioned Christmas feeling was sort of shot to the North Pole on a Yule Log because at least four of my family members were sending text messages to their friends.
I choose my victim- which thank you Baby Jesus was my little Brother-and I start giving him a hard time about being a slave to his Phone and he says how he’s just starting to get the hang of this text messaging thing so he has to practice.
It’s like learning another language, he tells me, and if you don’t practice you could really embarrass yourself like he did a few months ago
when….
” You know what happened when I started this text thing Cheeto La Frito? ( that’s his nickname for me) I couldn’t get those letters right. It was weird I’d get these letters all strung together that made no sense so I wouldn’t answer. I even took my phone back because I thought something was wrong with it.”
” Anyway, I was dating this girl and we were supposed to meet for dinner and I’m at the restaurant when she sends me this text message that her Grandmother had died.
Well, I couldn’t think of anything to write back so I just sent her my love. “
” And….”
” Well, I thought I’d use the new lingo and typed in my love. “
” Uh-huh.”
” Lots of it.”
” I should hope so.” I told him.
” So I texted back LOL.”
OMG.
I hope your Christmas was just as fun(nny)
amm
Santa asked me, with a straight face:
“I’m sure you’ve been a good girl, what would you like for
Christmas
Anita Marie?”
I said:
“I’d like to go to Roswell for
The 2008 UFO Festival.”
” That would involve you leaving the state for a few week, wouldn’t it?” Santa says too me.
” Indeed” I say to Santa.
” Talk about killing two birds with one stone ” Santa DOES NOT exactly say under his breath.
” Huh? ” I ask.
” Sure Anita, call my elves down there in Roswell and book a room
because I’M GETTING YOU THE HECK OUT OF SEATTLE… I mean no, wait….
you’re going to Roswell for the 2008 UFO Festival….enjoy!”
“I will Santa, I will…” I say with heartfelt Christmas Joy- I’m talking the real thing…not that fake Hallmark Joy.
…and if you’d like to read about my Journey to Roswell don’t forget to come back to my Irregular Bones- I’m going to do my own count down to the big day and beyond….
because this is a big deal…
look at the
great time I get to have
OVER THE FOURTH OF JULY HOLIDAY!!!
Hop on board the UFO ( well click the UFO Roswell Logo ) and see what kind of fun they had down there last year
Hey! Merry Christmas and don’t forget to have a Happy New Year too!
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!
For serveral years I believed my family Christmas Gatherings on the whole were trauma and drama free- or so I thought until I decided to write my own version of ” The Twelve Days of Christmas”.
And then I started to remember things like the time I went on a bike ride in the snow covered with Chicken Pox. And how on another Christmas I convinced my little Sister ( let’s see she was about five at the time) we found her floating in Greenlake in a basket just like Baby Moses and how if Santa found out he was probably going to take her presents to her real house so she shouldn’t count on getting anything at MY family’s house that Christmas.
Oh and there that Christmas Eve I hid all of my brother’s socks and underwear- we were older at the time – like 19 and 18 or something. But watching him toss a hissy fit over a bunch of lost underwear was worth all the threats of bodily harm my Mom was threatening to do to me if I didn’t give his stuff back right now That Christmas Eve is one of my most precious memories.
No it did not send him into counseling- at least I don’t think so.
And of course there was that time when I was about 13 when my dog Sham -who was this giant Malamute snatched the turkey off the counter where it was cooling and after I got it back from him me and my brother and sister had to put it back together because we tore it almost in half when we pulled it out of Sham’s jaws.
Talk about team work- not only did get that thing put back together we did it without our parents knowing- which of course probably isn’t the case at all but what the hey- it was probably the quietest the three of us had been since our Christmas Vacation from school had started a week before.
My parents were into ‘be grateful for small blessings’ mindset.
Let’s see- oh sure, there was that other time I took all of the chocolate covered cherries and drained the juice out of them- and for the rest of the night everyone complained about ‘that box of defective Cherry Cordials’ and how only OUR family could be unlucky enough to get it.
That box of candy still represents our family as the Underdog Champs of the world.
And then there was that year me and my brothers and sister and cousins performed a concert for our families.
We stood on the stairs just like the kids in the Brady Bunch and song meaningful heartfelt songs like Working On A Chain Gang, Teen Angel and my own personal favorite Goodnight Irene.
That ‘ concert and the songs were my idea- and if there was ever a Kodak moment in the history of photography the look on all of those faces as they watched us sing by the glow of the Christmas Tree was one of them.
So honest- there wasn’t a lot of trauma or drama and looking back on it you could have done worse then us – given how many of us there were and how all of us were so different from each other ( okay and the rest of the human race ) all of these things could have been the stuff of holiday disasters.
But they weren’t.
We always had a good time and I’ll bet that after reading this a few people will be awfully glad they’ve got the families they have.
So.
We All Win.
Merry Christmas
Irregular Bones 