Thoughts

My Grave Thoughts

/ Anita Marie / 8 Comments

Just some bits and pieces I have laying around

in my

 Macabre Notebook:

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Here lies

Ezekial Aikle

Age 102

The Good

Die Young.

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The children of Israel wanted bread

And the Lord sent them manna,

Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,

And the Devil sent him Anna.

 

I wish I had made this story up-

it would have made me

famous

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Gravediggers held BBQ in cemetery

Gravediggers in a Belgian city have been criticised for holding a barbecue party in a cemetery.

It follows a complaint from a couple who visited the cemetery at Merksem, Antwerp, to visit the grave of their son.

François and Magda Boljau were shocked to find the gravediggers holding a party in a shed at the cemetery, reports Het Nieuwsblad.

Mrs Bolijau said: “It was happening only 15 metres from his grave. The music of ‘Sex bomb, sex bomb’ was coming very loud from the loudspeakers.

“Children were playing between the graves. I couldn’t stand it and ran away in tears.”

Alderman Erwin Pairon, who is responsible for Antwerp’s cemeteries, said he was very annoyed with the gravediggers.

The gravediggers insisted they held a party every year in the same shed and that nobody had complained before.

But Alderman Pairon said: “Next year, they have to move. I understand it is very upsetting for the parents to have to listen to a party when they came to mourn.”

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In a fight I’d have to say  

Lizzie Borden

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Would have kicked

Jack The Ripper‘s

butt

up

one side of the street

and down 

the other. 

 

Eight Little Things…

/ Anita Marie / 7 Comments

My friend Max tagged me-  I was suppose to come up with eight little random facts …. and being that this is MY blog I decided to go ahead and do eight random facts about memememememememe!

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1. When I was a mortician’s apprentice I got seriously addicted to PEZ candy.

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2. I have a morbid fear of electricity

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3.  I  think Reality TV is Satan’s Vomit.

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4.  I’ve written stories about ghosts that I’ve seen and  about weird places that I’ve been too and really odd people I’ve met and then I make it sound like fiction.

 I’m such a coward.

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5. I think it’s great when my husband does political work because all of the sudden the same ISP from our area shows up and SOMEONE crawls through my entire blog page by page and my stats go through the roof.

 My own Mother won’t take the time to do that- Hell I don’t even do that!

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6. My favorite color is red but I tell people it’s pink. It’s so sweet when their faces scrunch up and they say, ” Pink? Really? “

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7. When my Sister was 5 and I was 8 she had a dream that her Baby Alive Doll came to life and tried to kill her. So she put Baby Alive in her closet and buried her under a bunch of clothes. Every night I’d go into her closet and take Baby Alive out and sit her on the foot of my Sister’s bed. I’m so grateful that after years of ME my Sister will admitt to people we’re actually related.

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8.

I think Jack The Ripper was a woman.

Actually….I just like to say that because it stresses people out.

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He Has The Right To Your Life

/ Anita Marie / 2 Comments

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So this guy who has a dangerous strain of TB flies around the world spreading his little microbes o’ death like screwed up wedding confetti and  the CDC  gets out ahead of this thing and tells people not to worry – which on it’s face is pretty weird considering they don’t exactly release feel good stories on a regular basis.

And then we find out maybe that’s because:

(from Yahoo news )….

The honeymooner quarantined with a dangerous strain of tuberculosis was identified Thursday as a 31-year-old Atlanta personal injury lawyer whose new father-in-law is a CDC microbiologist specializing in the spread of TB and other bacteria. 

Okay, I’m officially stunned. 

But I’m getting away from the point I wanted to make. 

What I wanted to say is that I wish I HAD been on the plane next to this guy and that at some point he had coughed into my face.

Why?

My Goodness, to have sat next to the man whose life is more important then anyone else’s life on the entire planet?

I’d have been honored.

Original Story Here

It Got Under My Skin

/ Anita Marie / 4 Comments

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When I was about 9 this little girl named Carla used to follow me around school and  chant, ” Anita is a black cat sitting on a Cadillac…Anita is a black cat sitting on a Cadillac. ”

She would stand there in front of me at recess or in front of my desk in class and put her hands on her hips and shake her butt from side to side and chant that damn  car slogan over and over again.

Once I asked why she was doing this and she told me it was ” because you’re a black girl ” ( actually I was an Asian Girl but Carla was on her way to being an equal opportunity bigot so brown was brown to her ).

Finally I get sick of this ( mostly because Carla was turning this concert she treated me too into a full blown musical and had her friends joining in ) and I go to my teacher and tell on Carla and what  she said and had been doing

What my teacher said will stick with me forever.

She said, ” Anita you are different,  you’re going to have to learn to have a sense of humor about certain things.”

I have a sense of humor…and I still don’t think this was funny.

What happened to Carla and my teacher?

I don’t know…so many people wearing hoods over their heads so little time to look under them all.

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The Light Goes On

/ Anita Marie / 5 Comments

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I’ve spent the afternoon drafting short stories for my blog

Anita’s Owl Creek Bridge.

At one point

I realized I had spent the day thinking about

ghosts and devils and curses

witches and cannibals

and clever ways

to bump people off.

I looked around to make sure

no one was watching

and then I laughed.

 

 

Don’t Mess With The Google Man

/ Anita Marie / 6 Comments

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Okay.

Fun is fun,

 I know people have been asking Google dumb questions just to see what sort of answers it will spit out.

My friend Terry- who in a court of law could be convicted of robbing me of the five minutes of my life that are gone forever-  talked me into doing this thing:

I was supposed  to ask for the Directions to London ….from New York.

I’ve learned three things from this incident:

1. If Terry ever sends me a message again that starts out with the line ” Try this ” I’m going  to stab myself in the head with a pen to stop myself from ‘trying this’.

And if I do it, I’m going to stab myself in both of my eyes with pens for being so stupid as to fall for that line a second time.

2. According to Google IF YOU DRIVE FROM NEW YORK TO LONDON it will take you 29 days and 10 Hours

3. If you haven’t got the hint yet and realized Google is fully aware that you’ve just made the Cyber Version of a crank phone call to their house in the middle of the night-  then I should add that they direct you to turn right on Central Street, after you do that you are to take another right at Long Wharf….

then Google tells you to start swimming.

That is SO much more subtle then telling someone to go and jump in a lake.

Google….they know all and they see all and if you mess with them they’ll mess you up back.

 

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Art Is So Funny

/ Anita Marie / 14 Comments

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I had this picture above my desk at work and people used to like to stop and take a look at it ( it’s a seemingly refreshing change from the pictures of devils and tombstones that I’ve tacked to my ” wall of weird ” over the years ).

Then one day a co-worker stopped by and  gushed about the lovely old photo- the composition, the art, the meaning behind the picture.

” She’s dead ” I said.

” Well, ” my co-worker snapped ” of course she’s probably dead by now- that’s a really old picture ”

” Listen, ” I said ” SHE IS DEAD. She was dead when they took the picture, she was dead when they developed the picture,  she was dead when they framed the picture. That is a picture of a DEAD WOMAN.

” No she isn’t ”

” Yeah- I’m pretty sure sure she is ” I said.

Now days I could hang a dead moose from my wall  and I can promise you not one single person is going to stop by my desk to ask me about it.

They’d ignore it- even if it attracted flies and it smelled really, really bad. I’m pretty sure people would be very happy to  pretend like it wasn’t there hanging from paper clips and staples ( which is  all I have at my desk ) decomposing away.

Art is SO funny.