Progressive Issues

Hey Anita, Have You Heard The One About…

/ Anita Marie / 24 Comments

I’m always getting links to stories that people think I will find ” amusing ” and sometimes people just write me and say, point blank, without the pretense of asking what I think about something they found on the net

 ” I’ve just  heard something really weird Anita, is it true? “

Here are a few of those stories and questions and my answers

amm

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POSSESSION AND EXORCISM

According to their objective this site is: 

A web page that (could) offers itself as a meeting place for exorcists and which could present professional doctors with a place for discussion and information exchange about the theme.

They also go on to say :

If you believe you are suffering from some kind of extraordinary demonic phenomenon, you should get in touch with the bishop’s office of the diocese you belong to. They will put you in contact with the specialist in this matter for the diocese, or they will indicate the nearest specialist in a neighboring diocese.

So what do I think?

If you believe in an Immortal Soul and you think it’s in danger I don’t think I’d trust GOOGLE to help me find a way to protect it- that’s what I think.

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Did Vikings Discover America before Columbus?

I call these stories The Redneck’s Wet Dream- look the Native Americans discovered America deal with it already. I don’t know why I keep getting these- maybe it’s because I’ve openly supported people who believe in UFO’s.

SOME people may think I’m a pushover for a good story.

But this Viking Vs Columbus story?

I’ve heard better.

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Urban Legends–

I get a billion of these a month- mainly from people who want to know what the history is behind certain stories.

I get this one a lot- I figure it’s because I’m Filipina:

You shouldn’t Throw rice at weddings because when birds eat it it swells in their stomachs and causes hemorrhaging. This is why people started using birdseed instead.

Unless those birds have stomachs that are full of boiling water I’d say it’s safe for them to eat uncooked rice….jeeze you guys.

Use a little common sense sometimes-

NB DUE TO POPULAR DEMAND I HAVE PROVIDED THIS

CLICK HERE

EVIDENCE IN THE EXPLODING PIGEONS DEBATE

 

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Is it true that after you die your hair and nails continue to grow?

The thing of it is when you die- and I mean the minute it happens -your body begins the process of decomposing.

So nothing is going to grow.

Sorry.

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If I get a billion questions about Urban Legends then I must get a billion and one questions about ” Real Vampires “ .

As in, are they for real?

I think that some people really do believe they’re Vampires and if that’s the case I’m willing to accept that- but that entire mindset escapes me.

If I could choose to be any sort of ‘super being’ I’d want to be Iman.

 

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So there you have it, these are the bits of reality

that people share with me

every single day.

Pretty nifty, isn’t it?

amm

I Get It Already

/ Anita Marie / 26 Comments

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I wrote a story about being an ‘outsider’.

It upset people- it made them feel bad – they didn’t like going back to a time that really and truly sucked.

So I asked two of my friends who were ‘insiders’ what it was like for them ‘back then’.

It sounded good- their memories  came across  like a Nick at Night Classic Episodes Marathon with no (I’m sorry to say) Talking Horses or Martians.

Then we get around to talking about now and I heard a lot of stories about tuition costs and cars and loans and house payments and gee we took a vacation but when we got back this thing was waiting at the office…and part way through this visit to the Adult World my head started to hurt.

“Wow” I thought, “you sound like a commercial where you’re invited to ask your Doctor about this new anti-depressant”  Anyway I felt like doing just that after they got done talking.

Of course these blood rituals work both ways so we go into what I’ve been up too and I say:” My kids got good jobs and moved out, I’m writing a book, I’ve been writing short stories, my husband and I are Civil Rights Activists so we’re really busy with that and for a couple of weeks now I’ve been having a Gummy Bear Porn War going on with a Writer in California.”

I took a deep breath and dove in again “I’ve also made this really cool discovery- I’ve discovered that if I do stories about Bruce Campbell people will read them. In fact, I went back and found out that his story took more traffic then the Paris Hilton story that I did…  I think it’s because he’s truly talented.That’s about it”

So my two friends, (yes,  I was and still am friends with some “Shiny People“) looked at each other and then at me and asked-

 “So Anita, what else is going on with you?”

Sucks To Be You

/ Anita Marie / 4 Comments

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When you sit around with your friends, or your cat, or if you live in Seattle, by your lonesome nursing a tall (not large) coffee- excuse me I mean ESPRESSO- and you’re planning what you’re going to be famous for one day I’ll bet you say things like:

 

” I want to write a movie that’s as good as Bubba Ho- Tep (well, that’s what I’d say)

” I want to be known for finding a million dollars buried in my back yard ”

” I want be known as the person that finds the cure for Cancer ”

etc….

I’m willing to bet that you wouldn’t think to say that you don’t want to down in history like:

 The first victim in the Western Hemisphere of Gun Violence:

 

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By Associated Press

Photo provided by the National Geographic/Puruchuco-Huaquerones Archaeological Project shows a nearly 500-year-old wound, believed to have been caused by a Spanish firearm, in the first documented gunshot victim in the New World.

Freak

/ Anita Marie / 14 Comments

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When I was in High School my main tormentor was not a girl, it was not a relative, it was a short smarmy smart ass that the teachers loved and the cheerleaders loved and his dog probably loved him too.

Had we grown up in the 1950’s his nickname would have been Chip or Champ or Sport, something like that.

So you’d think that this well loved shiny bright young man who was headed for a shiny bright future in the suburbs with a shiny woman waiting for him there named ” Buffy ” ( or something like that )and 3.5 shiny children- would have something far better to do then follow me around with his mob of shiny best friends and ask me things like,

” Why do you have to wear that leather jacket? What are YOU trying to prove. Freak.”

” What is it with you and that black eye liner no one cares what you look like. Freak ”

” Nobody cares about you or your stupid guitar. How’d YOU get into a band? Freak. ”

” Why do YOU ride a motorcycle to school? Freak.”

” You’ll never amount to anything you ugly dog. Freak. ”

It went on and on and one until day I lifted the jerk straight off the ground and gave him a black eye.

The questions stopped and his Shiny friends would curl their shiny lips at me and scuttle away when  we crossed paths at school (or anywhere else)

When I passed him in the halls he’d be mumbling ‘freak’-

of course.

Almost 20 years later I run into the one person at the Grocery Store who seems to know and care about what’s become of our Class. 

She looks up from the Fresh Produce, sees me and practically drops her toddler as she races over to me and starts talking about my Shiny Friend.

He had gone on to get the Shiny Wife and the Shiny Life and all of that got mashed into the rear end of a truck.

 My Shiny friend watched his Shiny Wife die next to him on the car seat and he expired on the way to the hospital calling her name.

” I can’t believe it, ” she cries.

By then I was working in a Funeral Home and I could believe something like this could happen to anybody. Even bright shiny people.

This woman bursts into tears and her kid slides to the floor  ” the world has lost so much.”

I tasted something sour in my mouth and before I could react to it I put on my Funeral Director’s somber thoughtful face and said with concern and dignity, ” It has.”

When she turned away I smiled.

I really did.

What can I say besides-

Freak.

Alien Ideas

/ Anita Marie / 4 Comments

 

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The Great U.F.O Debate-

are they real or not?

If someone tells me they saw Space Aliens in their backyard then as far as I’m concerned they saw Space Aliens in their backyard.

 It’s their story, so back off.  

That’s what I say.

What an Alien Idea

Allowing People To

Express Themselves

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Oh Really?

/ Anita Marie / Leave a comment

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Here in my home state of Washington two cases of  violence involving three students in a place called Bainbridge Island were treated by the press as ‘ those silly things that kids do’ 

The Press compared two girls who ‘allegedly’ poisoned a teacher to get out of doing homework as some sort of silly cartoon prank and when a 17 year old boy who made death threats against students was also found to be in possession of bomb making materials as well as a small marijuana operation-the press took it as a chance to go to bat for Bainbridge (again) to remind us all that they’re not ” like us ” out there on ‘ The Island’  

Unlike some other districts in the region, Bainbridge Island had managed so far to avoid any high-profile incidents of school violence — but Monday’s events showed that such incidents could happen anywhere”

-Seattle PI

Oh really- anywhere?

That may be the case but get a grip- they’ve been happening out there on Bainbridge- deal with it.

( stories from PI below )

Girls, 12, allegedly poison teacher at school

In a caper worthy of Wile E. Coyote’s finest failures, two 12-year-old girls from Bainbridge Island are accused of attempting to elude punishment for a tardy assignment Thursday by poisoning their teacher, Kasey Jeffers, with a flavored lip balm they knew would make her ill.  

Bainbridge High student arrested after death threats 

Police searching the home of a 17-year-old Bainbridge Island High School student suspected of leaving death threats at the school Monday found as many as 30 computers, bomb-making materials and a small marijuana-growing operation.

Evenings

/ Anita Marie / Leave a comment

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Today a friend from my Writer’s Group

told us she has Cancer.

My Sister had it too.

I could use a good laugh right now.

I am so tired

and it’s not even close

to

nightfall

 

amm

‘Cause God Says So…that’s WHY

/ Anita Marie / 10 Comments

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A few weeks ago I wrote a story about a Road Rage Incident I witnessed on the way home from work. The thing of it is, there are so many of these stories going around now that it caught someone’s attention.

Whose?

God’s- that’s who.

Look, I don’t know why God got on this one. I figure  God must have had one of those ” I’m in the mood to flood the world but I promised not to do that again days “ and  decided to go for the Road Ragers instead ( GO GOD! ) through the Vatican 

So here they are – from God’s lips to your ears-

The “Drivers’ Ten Commandments,” as listed by the document, are:

1. You shall not kill.

( check )

2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.

( No more Drive By Killings, I like that one )

3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.

(Like talking your way out of tickets- right?)

4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.

(Okay, there’s nothing wrong with aiming high God but I wouldn’t keep my fingers crossed they might cramp after awhile)

5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.

(THAT MEANS NO MORE CRUISIN’ FOR NOOKIE!)

6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.

( HEY QUEEN OF THE DUI’S THAT’S YOU PARIS HILTON- PASS THIS ON TO YOUR FRIENDS)

7. Support the families of accident victims.

( Check, I like that one )

8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.

( whoa…I just flashed on scenes from the Jerry Springer show- don’t know about this one )

9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.

( Good one God, you’re on a roll here )

10. Feel responsible toward others.

( You’re talking to Reality Show Junkies out there God, they’re all about kicking people off

The Island- but I’ll give it a shot )

RIP Good Manners You Won’t Be Missed

/ Anita Marie / 2 Comments

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So I’m waiting for my bus, eating my Cheetos (thank goodness Cheetos cover at least two of the major food groups because the only other thing I had to eat today were a handful of Hershey Kisses and even a dedicated junk food junkie like me who is in serious need of intervention could pretend that was real food) when one of the buses pulls up and this blind lady with her seeing eye dog goes to get on.

I play this game when I see her board her bus; it’s called ” How many rude jerks are on the bus today? “Today there were six and this is how I figure it out.

The front bench seats on the buses are marked for handicapped people right?

Well this lady and her dog get on and nobody gets off their butts to give her the seat- and they should for one practical reason. She can’t really  sit in the two passenger seat unless she sits her big dog on her lap. That won’t work so he has to sit in the narrow aisle where he can’t help but to be in the way.

Considering the Milk of Human Kindness doesn’t flow around these parts you can only imagine the huffing and puffing and sounds of indignation this woman has to listen to as people have to make their way around her dog.

Anyway, sitting on the bench seats are teenagers and people with lap top computers and a couple of women who purposely look in the other direction as she walks by (hey, she can’t see you but everyone else CAN)

 I see her walking towards the back of the bus where the other bench seats are and to the front again and then…

she gets off the bus.

Wow.

I’m not sure if there’s a Hell – but today I’m really, really , really hoping there is.

Abracadabra!

/ Anita Marie / 3 Comments

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Do you want to know what I wish for every single day?

I wish against wishes that the egg rolls I eat for lunch are super crunchy just like they were that one day two years ago.

I wish I were taller. I’m five-five which pretty much doomed me to the average category everywhere else in my life.

I wish I could cheat at cards-not for money- I just like the idea of being a card shark. They get to wear cool sunglasses and drive boss cars.

I wish for a blackout blizzards to hit us in June or August- right in the middle of a heat wave- just so I could see the look of surprise on everybody’s faces.

That’s what I wish for, aren’t you glad you asked?

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okay…now it’s your turn make a wish and blow then candle out.

Did your wish come true?

No?

Well who cares.

Wish anyways

and wish

BIG.

amm