Life

On The Fourth Day

/ Anita Marie / 9 Comments

All  Major Side Affects Should Wear Off 

 

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On the fourth day of Christmas, 
my true love sent to me 
Four calling birds, 
Three French hens, 
Two turtle doves, 
And a partridge in a pear tree.

One Christmas, I’m not sure how it happened, but I ended up with my 3 Nieces in the back of my Jeep ( and NO they were not in the trunk- Jeeps don’t have trunks ) and we were going to THE MALL to see Santa.

There are so many things wrong with that picture- but I was feeling all Holiday-ish and the girls are funny in a Grateful Dead Fan on heavy meds way so I agreed and off we went.

When we got to THE MALL there was a sort of line and my nieces who were 9, 4, and 6 were pretty quiet for once- which sort of had me worried off the bat because every once and awhile I’d see them looking at each other and winking when they thought I wasn’t I wasn’t paying attention.

Little did they know- I always know when fresh Hell is being unearthed.

It’s in my nature.

So it starts the minute we get our turn to take pictures with Santa.

The girls get posed and the youngest  is on Santa’s lap and my Oldest Niece says, ‘ Tia, where’s baby Joe? “

So right away I see a bunch of people start looking around for ‘ Baby Joe’ and the Hell Raiser Alert light in my head starts to flash off and on.

For reasons yet to be understood my youngest son had nicknamed my cat ” Baby Joe ” and the girls had never liked that name so when I see them pass ‘the look’ to each other my Hell Raiser Alert goes on Full Alert Mode and my other Niece says, ” She locked him in the laundry room because he tried to steal food off of the counter again.”

” Tia, ” my oldest Niece says ” why won’t you let Baby Joe eat? “

” Cut it out ” I hiss- I mean it I HISSED because right there in front of Santa and his Elves my Nieces were doing something to me that their own Mother ( my youngest Sister ) had been afraid to do for her entire life

They were messing with my head.

Anyway, Santa and his Elves and a few Parents look like they’re going to make a mad run for Child Protective Services- which is conveniently located across the street from THE MALL.

” There is no Baby Joe ” I tell an Elf who is convinced I’m a liar but she goes to the camera anyway and sets up the shot.

The girls smile ( apparently through their pain and concern for ‘Baby Joe’), they get their pictures taken and wouldn’t you know it one of the Elves leans over and hands my oldest niece a candy cane for ” Baby Joe”.

” Oh for God Sakes. ” I start walking away and the girls are running after me and they’re snickering and giggling and every once and awhile they’d snort ‘ Baby Joe ‘.

When we got to my Jeep they’re looking very pleased with themselves and I’m trying to figure out which of my relatives put them up to this stunt when this guy- desperate to get into my parking space- tries to pull in before I’m backed all the way out-

and my Nieces are in the back- and when I turned I could see the headlights stop inches- inches away from the door my oldest Niece is sitting next to.

Well before I can get out of my car to tell this guy about my fully developed plans for his impending death he’s at my window in a panic asking if anyone is hurt, he’s sorry etc etc and then he shuts up and backs up and almost slips and falls and I’m thinking he’s drunk.

And I turn around and look into my backseat and my Nieces are doing something that I had spent countless hours teaching them-

they’ve pulled their eyelids up and rolled their eyes up so that only the whites were showing-

and they’re drooling.

My throat tightens up and I bury my face in my steering wheel.

And wouldn’t you know it- that  Christmas morning Santa brought the girls exactly what they asked for that day at THE MALL.

He even brought something for Baby Joe.

 

Only 9 more days until I reach

The Inner Circle of Hell

CHRISTMAS.

 

 

 

 

On The Third Day

/ Anita Marie / 2 Comments

We Toss Out The Left Overs 

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On the third day of Christmas, 
my true love sent to me 
Three French hens, 
Two turtle doves, 
And a partridge in a pear tree.

 

A few years ago my bus got caught in a snow storm and the going was slow.

S-L-O-W

So me and my friends told jokes, we told stories, we ate the Christmas Candy and food some of us had brought home from work parties that day.

Somebody busted into the wine bottle I had in my backpack (a gift from an oh-so generous Secret Santa) and someone else made a game out of the five of us drinking it without the other passengers catching on.

Oh Sure.

Nobody did.

Anyway.

Seeing that the other passengers were nervous about being stranded on the freeway and were openly worried about having to walk home or other such real and uncomfortable options me and my friends decided to cheer everybody up by telling stories at the top of our lungs

– about –

THAT TIME WE GOT STUCK ON THE BUS

The worst time was when there was a shooting, the gunman was loose on I-5 or was near it ( I forget the particulars ) so law enforcement shut the freeway down.

It was warm that day.

One of my bus friends decided after an hour or so to start talking about lakes and oceans and water fountains and Italian Sodas.

By the time he was done- (we remembered with hysterics) half the bus had to go to the bathroom, and we bet that the other half would have drank it.

AND THEN THERE WAS THAT OTHER TIME

The bus broke down and they promised that another bus was going to stop and get us…of course it didn’t and we watched it speed on by- but hurray! There was a  second bus that came right up behind it about 15 minutes later and we thought it was going to pull in front of us so we could all get on.

Instead it stopped right along side of our bus.

I could see what was happening.

My brain locked.

” No.” I started to pound on the window like that kid in the horror film” Audrey Rose ” and I start yelling over and over ” No! For the love of God No!”

What is it? Everyone is asking me.

” It’s broken down…our rescue bus is BROKEN DOWN!”

AND WHAT ABOUT THAT TIME

We were stuck on the freeway because the Driver had called in and requested that someone come out and put chains on the bus because when the pavement is black and twinkling and big fluffy flakes are starting to fall, it’s safe to say that unless you’re a Polar Bear you probably shouldn’t  be out there driving around without a little traction.

 So thinking that no one was really listening except for my usual bus pals I told the story about that time me my friends and sneaked into this graveyard and built a massive snow fort  and snow-people all around the grounds and how we even decorated one of the trees and how we later called the Funeral Home and blamed the entire mess on the college students who thought it was cool to hold seances and burn black candles on the headstones and things like that.

” Wow, you and your friends were evil little kids ” someone told me

and I said

” You know, like we did that two weeks ago. “

Ho Ho Ho

Only 10 more days until I reach

The Inner Circle of Hell

CHRISTMAS.

 

On The Second Day

/ Anita Marie / 5 Comments

When birds of the feather flock  together

one of them always winds up flying into a window

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On the second day of Christmas, 
my true love sent to me 
Two turtle doves, 
And a partridge in a pear tree. 

 

 When I was about 11 I bought a pure bred Alaskan Malamute puppy for 75.00. He had a lightening bolt mark on the top of his head and the first trick I ever taught him was ” Kissie Face “

I named him Sham, for the horse in the book ” The King of The Wind “. Sham also means ” Sun ” and I thought that was pretty funny. My Dad and his cousin tried to get me to name him Buck or Bear or something snow dog related.

” He’s not a snow dog ” I told them, ” he’s my precious little baby.”

Look- it made me sick to just say those words, I can only imagine what my Dad and his Cousin thought.

Back to the story-

I taught Sham important commands like sit and stay  and leave it ( which were pretty important considering how big he seemed to get everyday )

Only I taught him those commands in every language except English.

At that point my Dad was convinced me AND the dog deserved each other and he I’m not sure but sometimes I’d hear my Dad yelling in French for Sham to stop barking.

Me and Sham grew up together and he died just after I turned 22.

And then one night, on a lark I went to the Humane Society and there in the first kennel was a Siberian Husky….I turned to the chart on the wall across from the cage and started to read about this dog when the cage door flew open and hit me on the back.

I turned around and the dog….Mr. Innocent was sitting at the back of the kennel.

Wagging his tail.

I closed the gate and it happened again.

I grabbed the chart off the wall and to the dog that had one blue eye and one brown eye and a smile and said ” fine, I get it already, let’s go home”.

I found out two little things at the adoption desk- my new dog was named BUCK and that night was going to be his last night on this earth.

I took him to my parent’s house and introduced them to Buck ( boy did Dad’s eyes light up)- until I said I’d changed his name to Tristan.

” Where the heck did that name come from? ” My Dad said with this little vein pounding in his forehead… to let you know it’s  the one that practically popped ( so he told me ) everytime I opened my mouth.

Tristan Farnon I said, from ” All Creatures Great and Small ”  Which was one of my favorite TV Shows. And then I pointed out that Tristan and the actor who played him were both British and my Dad asked me if I had something against Alaska and it’s dogs why not adopt a nice poodle or something?

Ha Ha Dad.

Anyway a week later it was Christmas and my Mom who is not really sentimental about pets set aside the poultry for the Cats  and a bunch of scraps … and I’m talking enough table scraps to feed a dog the size of a horse…which is pretty much what Sham was.

And then from the living room I heard her call for Tristan and she said Merry Christmas and I heard her give him his food.

Just over ten minutes later my sister comes screaming out of the kitchen that Tris is dead ” and Lina killed him! “

( don’t ask me why but my sister calls our Mom Lina- it’s her name, in return my Mom calls Es ” Anita’s Sister ” )

So I run in the kitchen and Tris is face down in the roasting pan that we used to give Sham his ” holiday dinner ” 

Sham could put that amount of food away in about 15 minutes and  I figure that Tris put away about half of what was in that pan in about the same amount of time before he passed out.

I pried his jaws open and he took a breath, belched and went back to sleep.

I asked my Mom what was she thinking giving Tris the same amount of food as Sham and she said, ” Well they’re both dogs aren’t they? “

It’s a good thing my Mom doesn’t drink.

It’s a blessing really.

Oh.

Happy Holidays.

Only 11 more days until I reach

The Inner Circle of Hell

CHRISTMAS.

 

Hey Google! Yeah YOU!

/ Anita Marie / Leave a comment

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 Google is trying to make one of my favorite Bloggers disappear.

Check it out: Stupidtom All Around

And remember…he maybe one of many

but he’s the best.

amm

Chuck A Sickie

/ Anita Marie / 13 Comments

Hi Everybody! 

This is stuff I learned while I waited to see if the storm that hit Washington State would make my toilet overflow… 

First of all here some pictures of some flooding from around Mountlake Terrace, Washington…I didn’t take them- I pulled them from HERE

They look dramatic but I should say these shots are in ‘hollows’ and that the areas shown aren’t huge…but if it’s your car or apartment pictured here then it probably feels like your entire world is under water.

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We didn’t get any flooding near my house- unless you count the ‘accidents’ three of  my cats  had because they refused to go outside to use the bathroom during the storm(s).

Well two of them had accidents-

Meet Blitzer

( he’s the third cat )

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Blitzer drank water non-stop

ON PURPOSE…don’t ask me how I know, I just do.

 

I also learned this great expression ( as I worried about my plumbing )

To chuck a sickie:

It’s a saying they use in Australia.

It means to take a day off sick from work when you are fine.

My goal is to use this phrase at least once a day for a week. I’ll let you know how it goes.

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According to my post rankings ( which briefly distacted me from my Sewer Fears ) I learned that my readers- pictured below-

( oh come on…where’s your sense of humor? )

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 are into Alcohol, Exorcisms and Bruce Campbell…though some of you seem to be flirting with David Tennant ( traitors! )

and here’s what I learned about Politics ( which brought me straight back to thinking about my toilet ) : This Louis Black On Homeland Security… 🙂  He says it’s all about duct tape and Electro Shock Therapy. I did NOT know that.

I’ll be darned.

Warning…nasty words alert- careful where you play this!

 

So that was what I learned…and thanks for asking- no my toilet did not overflow.

YAY!

 

 

Commuter Hell Revisited

/ Anita Marie / 3 Comments

Yesterday some of the buses were late.

One woman stopped my bus, got on and screeched at our driver…and I’m talking SCREECHED at how inconvenienced she was, how there was no reason ” no reason at all ” she made it clear to us all for why SHE should be standing there and for why her bus was half an hour late.

 Screechy The Snot Nosed Banshee would at least get home that night and she will live to screech the next time her bus is late.

This is the reason the traffic was backed up.

Do you think Screechy cares?

I didn’t think so either.

Man found dead along Interstate 5

Man found dead along Interstate 5

Story Published: Nov 21, 2007 at 2:34 PM PST

Story Updated: Nov 21, 2007 at 7:13 PM PST

By KOMO Staff

MOUNTLAKE TERRACE, Wash. — Police here say the death of a man whose body was found near Interstate 5 on Wednesday morning is suspicious.

Department of Transportation workers found the body inside a sleeping bag just a few feet away from the southbound lanes of I-5 at the 220th Street exit.

Police said several details, including the location of the body, lead them to believe the man could have been murdered.

“The location of where the body was at – about ten feet off the fog line, from the freeway, in a sleeping bag – it’s not a normal area where a transient would sleep,” said Trooper Keith Leary.

And state troopers said the man did not seem like a transient as he was well-groomed. The man, who appeared to be in his 40s, did not have any identification.

Police said the body was found with duct tape wrapped around the outside of the sleeping bag near the man’s feet.

“It would be very difficult for an individual to do that to themselves and tuck them(selves) into a sleeping bag,” Mountlake Terrace Police Chief Scott Smith.

Smith believes the body likely hadn’t been at the location for long, but said it appeared as if someone had tried to hide it.

“Did have some debris, leaves and branches covering it. So it would not have been readily visible to some coming off the off-ramp,” he said.

There were no obvious signs of trauma to the body and an autopsy will be needed to determine the cause of death.

Police are looking through missing person reports to see if they could find a description that matches the found man.

“It’s a bit unusual for us to investigate anything like this, but it is what it is and we do what we have to do,” Smith said.

For Your Consideration…

/ Anita Marie / 4 Comments

             Roloff Farms

and  Direct Access Solutions

Present a special email announcement!
Dear Anita,

Happy Thanksgiving from Roloff Farms!

 

 

Here at the farm, we have much to be thankful for-not in the least all of the encouragement, insight, and wisdom we receive from our fans. 

 

 

We follow our thanks with an apology, for we didn’t initially intend this letter to be sent to such a wide audience.  Our original intention was to send this message only to Little People or others who might have an interest in the company Direct Access Solutions, Inc., the premier provider of accessibility products for traveling Little People.  You may have seen Mike and me working with some of these products on “Little People, Big World.”  As you know, we don’t normally use this list to plug our own handiwork.

 

 

However, it has come to our attention that several major hotel chains have been hesitant to invest in DAS kits simply because they’ve received little or no feedback from their guests.  The number of responses from Little People staying in their unequipped establishments has been surprisingly low. 

 

 

We understand that many LP’s are fiercely independent and are happy to make their own adaptations, even if they are dangerous, like standing on top of an upside down trashcan.  However, we’ve heard from countless other LP’s who have stayed in hotels, used a DAS kit and have been very satisfied with the product during the course of their trip.

 

 

And here’s where we come to the nitty gritty. 

As you and your families embark on your holiday travels, we’re asking you to help us support hotels that support LP’s.  Even if you’re not in need of a DAS kit yourself, we encourage you to ask the front desk upon checking in if the hotel provides any sort of accommodation for people of short stature or restricted mobility.  This isn’t just limited to LP’s. 

We’ve heard stories of young children, aging grandparents, and those suffering from various skeletal and muscular ailments who were unable to access everything in their hotel room and could have benefited from a DAS kit. 

 

 By speaking up and bringing visibility to this issue, you’re helping to pave the way for a more comfortable stay for others.

 

An even more powerful step you can take to help ensure that more hotels provide DAS kits is to fill out the comment card in your hotel room at the end of your stay.  Little Person or not, if you or someone you know had trouble accessing any element of your hotel room, the establishment needs to know!  They can’t make changes unless they know there’s a problem.  On the other hand, if you stayed in a hotel that was DAS equipped and you were happy with the availability of the product, let someone know about that too!  Positive feedback is greatly appreciated in the hospitality industry, and helps to assure the hotel that they made a good investment with DAS.

 

In fact, we’re so excited about the difference you can make through something as simple as a comment card, that if you take a picture of your completed card and email us a copy before January 30th, we’ll send you a special gift from the Roloff family. 

 

You can email your comment cards to kaitlin@mattroloff.com.

 

Another option is to have the hotel make a copy of the comment card.  They’ll keep the original, and you can send the copy to:

 

          Matt Roloff

          Hotel Comments

         22115 NW Imbrie Drive           Box 317          Hillsboro, OR 97124  However you get us your comments, be sure to include your name and contact information, the name of the hotel, and the dates of your stay.  Again, if you send us all of this information before January 30, 2008, the Roloffs will send you a token of their appreciation. 

 

In the future, if you would like to receive more updates and announcements specific to DAS, please click the “Update my Profile/Email Address” link below.  From there, simply check the box next to “Direct Access Solutions” and you’ll be added to that mailing list.

 

 

 

Thank you for your time and understanding.  Together, we can make a difference and help hotels across the nation become equipped for guests of all sizes.  We look forward to hearing from you in the beginning of the year!

 

With gratitude,

Matt Roloff and Family

Ho Ho Your Mama!

/ Anita Marie / 2 Comments

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for the love Santa’s Tiny Reindeer… 

somebody….tell me this is a joke 

 

 

Santas warned ‘ho ho ho’ offensive to women

Wed Nov 14, 9:45 PM ET

Santas in Australia’s largest city have been told not to use Father Christmas’s traditional “ho ho ho” greeting because it may be offensive to women, it was reported Thursday.

Sydney’s Santa Clauses have instead been instructed to say “ha ha ha” instead, the Daily Telegraph reported.

One disgruntled Santa told the newspaper a recruitment firm warned him not to use “ho ho ho” because it could frighten children and was too close to “ho”, a US slang term for prostitute.

“Gimme a break,” said Julie Gale, who runs the campaign against sexualising children called Kids Free 2B Kids.

“We are talking about little kids who do not understand that “ho, ho, ho” has any other connotation and nor should they,” she told the Telegraph.

“Leave Santa alone.”

A local spokesman for the US-based Westaff recruitment firm said it was “misleading” to say the company had banned Santa’s traditional greeting and it was being left up to the discretion of the individual Santa himself.

It’s Right Human

/ Anita Marie / 3 Comments

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Not only do I write, I can bake a mean enchilada and fry a sinfully good lumpia on top of that I can do other things like work on Human Rights Issues.

This news article is from the Everett Herald here in Washington state and this story is about an Ordinance that I’m proud to say I’m helping to put together.

The Luis Moscoso quoted here is my husband, Jerry Hebert (also quoted) is the type of person who not only makes the world a better place…but a fun one too- Dave Somers and Roger are truly good guys and I’ve enjoyed working with them.

So I’ll stop babbling now and let you read on…

County needs commission to stand up for citizens, activists say

By Jeff Switzer
Herald Writer

Members of a new group of minority-rights activists say a recent rise in racial bias and discrimination in Snohomish County is pushing them to better protect and explain the importance of civil rights.

The Snohomish County Citizens Committee for Human Rights has gained momentum on its efforts after meetings were held this summer for an anti-gay group and what was billed as an illegal immigration summit.

Members also say the community must rally against racist graffiti and swastikas recently scrawled with spray paint on fences and cars.

To make progress, the Snohomish County Council needs to approve a local human rights commission in county government to hear concerns and stand up for the rights of residents, said Luis Moscoso of Mountlake Terrace, a member of the effort.

“I do believe in the area of human rights; there’s a lot more we could be doing,” he said. “We need to take responsibility for managing the communal climate we live in here.”

Moscoso reported progress on the proposal to the state Human Rights Commission at a meeting in Snohomish on Friday.

The County Council might consider a formal proposal next spring, he said.

“I applaud this effort,” Human Rights Commissioner Shawn Murinko said. The community is the best place to respond to civil rights debates, “and it only makes good sense to form these groups,” he said.

The state panel and its staff are advising the cutting-edge effort in Snohomish County, Commissioner Jerry Hebert said.

“The community is the one driving this,” Hebert said.

Earlier this year, Everett created a 15-member diversity board aimed at ridding city government of discrimination based on race, religion, income, gender, physical ability or sexual orientation.

County Councilman Dave Somers and county finance director Roger Neumaier have attended meetings of the planning group for the countywide effort.

“We support the human rights cause that the group is working on and we are looking forward to receiving the proposal so we can review it,” Neumaier said.

Unlike the state Human Rights Commission, which enforces state anti-discrimination laws, a local commission would be a more accessible venue to discuss race and discrimination issues as they arise in the county.

“We need ongoing community dialogue that is managed in a safe venue, where everyone feels safe to come to talk about what’s going on,” Moscoso said.

It might also be able to address community concerns.

“I would like to reinforce we’re not here to solve all the problems of the world,” Moscoso said. “There already are human rights laws on the books in Washington. This would be another way to enhance understanding and implementation in our community.”

Reporter Jeff Switzer: 425-339-3452 or jswitzer@heraldnet.com.