I’ve been having this on going conversation with some writer friends of mine.
They consider themselves ‘serious’ writers and I’ve been asked on more then
one occasion
when am I going to get serious about my writing too.
When am I going to stop with the ‘ blog thing‘
and when am I going to stop writing the ” Twilight Zone story things ”
oh
and that ” David Tennant / Strange Humor stuff I seem to sink to on some days
when am I going to give up writing about those things too-
some of those pieces are funny but not the sort of thing that ‘serious’ writers do.
If I want to write about what goes on in my life, I’ve been advised, I should just write about that and not tell silly stories to express the serious things in life that I face.
Well.
I’ve thought about it.
Here’s what I think it will take for me to become a serious writer.
When I stop running into weird people who have weird ideas and weird views on the world – or if those weird people who try to tell people like me who actually enjoy writing every single silly word every single day-
if all of those weird people got sucked up by a Hypercane
or mashed by an asteroid
I guess
I wouldn’t have
those silly things
to distract me from becoming a serious writer.
There.
Good answer, if I don’t say so myself- which I just did.
Do you know what happens to suburbanites who can’t get to the Mall during things like Snowstorms and power outages and floods?
They get Cabin Fever.
That’s what some of my friends told me they had after being stuck at home during the snow storms and cold we had here in Washington State- which was funny. Not the snow part but them using phrases like ‘Cabin Fever’.
I don’t think most of them have ever seen a real cabin- unless it was on one of those TV stations that shows reruns of “Little House On The Prairie “
Anyway- what they went through was not a pretty sight.
Back to the story- as I listened to these ordeals I learned something new- ” Cabin Fever ” is no longer ‘a slang term for a claustrophobic reaction that takes place when a person or group is isolated and/or shut in, for an extended period’ it is now code for ” I couldn’t get to the Mall.”
Let me tell you, nothing is more sad then to witness another human being stripped of the thing that gives them purpose in life, a goal, satisfaction- a reason for being.
Oh.
And Pleasure.
The Mall.
If it were a Woman men would kill for it and if it was a Man women would have surgery for it.
Come on, you know it’s true.
Anyway.
As I listened to my friends describe their own versions of being trapped in ” Hell House” I thought of all of those Sci-Fi Movies where we get invaded and totally slapped down by Bugs that wear spacesuits and realized how unlikely that sort of thing was- but not for the reasons you may think.
I thought that if Aliens came down from outer space and landed on the freeway and the Army ( or would it be NASA or the Air Force or Homeland Security? ) had to shut down I-5 and cut off access to Alderwood, Northgate, and Westlake Mall those Invaders would get their Space Suited Hineys whipped and kicked all the way back to their homeplanets as a bunch of Soccer Moms chased after them while waving their Blackberrys in the air and screaming, ” Move this thing off the freeway you jackasses, I have A LIFE !”
It’s sad to think that some of us wouldn’t hock a loogie on another human being if they were on fire- but they would beat back the Devil and all of his minions with their bare hands to get to a sale at Macy’s.
I don’t think some people developed Cabin Fever during the storm and went a little nuts.
Who created a Calender that was designed to showcase the works of her friends?
I mean, who could NOT be very happy with something like that.
And the questions would come to me again-demanding an answer- would I send my friends and family into unsafe places to get me a Fiji Mermaid? Even though my heart will surely break to find that now-after 31+ years of asking my wonderful Monkey / Fish is again out in the world, somewhere without me?
When I think of that Dad stumbling over the ice and snow to get into the Mall with his three year old in tow- and you know if Dad had slipped he probably would have broken BOTH of his arms to keep his child from hitting the deck-
or how I felt when I saw a woman slide and then catch herself against a bench- her head snapping back and her shopping bag clenched protectively to her chest
I think the answer is
HELL NO.
:::However::::
For one thing- for any one thing in the cases or lining the walls of
Will Anita Marie Get Her Fiji Mermaid THIS Year?:::
Today
On
Day Eight
Having Dodged The Bullet
I Go In Search Of
Another
We were supposed to have a windstorm
here in Washington State
and some of us here did.
We were suppose to be sitting here in the cold and dark
and some of us are.
So every time I hit a light switch, or when I sat down to write
my first reaction was to laugh hysterically
and my second was to be grateful.
I mean Churcy Grateful.
Which doesn’t happen often to me
as the Big Guy Upstairs
and I
have had issues this year with each other.
However.
As I considered my Fiji Mermaid-less life, my lack of Christmas Spirit and the mindless, thoughtless ” Holiday Greetings” I’ve received from people who don’t bother to find out if I’ve lived or died over the year I’ve concluded that
I’m so glad I have been at home,
keeping to myself
with the lousy weather as an excuse to not be out in the world
for fear that I’ll run into someone ( while shopping…shudder ) and when they ask
” So how’s your Christmas Shopping coming along? “
I know that will call what posses me forth and suddenly
The Christmas Demon in me will appear,
her will spin her head around a few times just like Linda Blair’s in the Exorcist and when she stops she will shriek, ” what do you care, you’re not getting anything anyway.”
I hope it snows some more.
I don’t think I’m ready to face a world full of Christmas.
Will Anita Marie Get Her Fiji Mermaid THIS Year?:::
Today
On Day Seven
We Find Out That It Really Sux To Be Me
Just after Thanksgiving, I start getting
The Letters.
By that I mean
Those Letters
that tell you what the sender did over the year.
And what a great year they had.
Which is wonderful for them.
My Mom LOVES to get those in Christmas Cards, she used to read them to us and she would even hang them up with the Christmas Cards and pass the news that she found neat on to her friends.
My Mom is Filipino and she grew up in Hawaii and that means – among other things- she’s into ‘talking story’ so yeah, she’s into those letters.
I’m not sure how I feel about them- I actually look forward to one of the Christmas Letters I get from a friend, who honestly doesn’t like the computer and travels. Every year I get these whopping long letters ( and presents- ) around Christmas.
No fooling it’s awesome and don’t think I don’t put a lot of thought into what I’m going to write back.
HOWEVER
Call it me getting Grinchlike in my advancing years but if someone has had a hellaciously bad year
( Some people do, so I’ve heard )
you may want to use some common sense before sending out your
“Snow-Are You Newsletter ”
First off:
Would you give details about your kid’s lives- where they work, go to school, where they can be found during the day, WHAT KIND OF CAR THEY DRIVE, even a picture of them to a perfect stranger?
Of course not.
So why share that happy news with ‘dear friends’ who wouldn’t know your kids unless your kids walked up to them and stuck a sprig of Holly into their left eye?
In addition
you may want to consider who gets your ” Happy New(s)Year ” post which always contains a travel intineray.
Myself I didn’t go on trips that would be the kind of news I could share back ( not that those kinds of letters actually invite conversation )
for example, this year I went to a Funeral ( only one, what can I say, in my book it was a good year ) and I mourned the death of my friend who shot himself in the head just after Thanksgiving over 25 years ago- and the place I go to in my Soul when I reflect on that time in my life isn’t going to be showing up on the Travel Channel anytime soon- let alone in a ” Holly -Are- You Newsletter “.
And as to the cool things the letter writer did over the year-
if the receiver had no idea that your life’s goal was to swim with the Dolphins and what it took for you to get to that point where you actually go to a placeso that you could, indeed, swim with the Dolphins- they’re not going to understand why oh why you’re sharing that bit of glad news six months after the fact.
Rule of thumb:
If your co-worker whom you hate -and the person you sit next to on the bus or train or the person in the check out line ( the slow one ) knows more about what is going on in your life then your Season’s Greet-ees, you may want to consider putting that news into a letter, encased in a Christmas Card and sending it off to ” All “.
Besides.
Christmas Cards are not intended to be suck -up ( gee I’m sorry I spent the year not thinking about you) gifts.
– Things like flowers and wine and
FIJI MERMAIDS
are suck up gifts.
In case you missed that.
During the Holiday Season I run into a lot of friends from my past- they’re in town visiting family, sometimes they give their old friends a call and sometimes all we do is talk outside in the snow, or we might toddle off for a drink or meet up for a little while for a bite to eat.
And that’s when we talk about what’s been going on in our lives.
Those times are pretty wonderful and when they happen I feel lighter, do you know what I mean?
Sending a letter to eveyone in your address book to say how wonderful things are for you is a bit like playing Chicken in Santa’s Sled with a drunken elf at the reins, if you don’t care how the person at the other of of your letter is really feeling and how they could take your letter…..
you may want to consider nixing the letter and instead add an extra line at the bottom of your card that says something real like:
Thinking Of You.
Photo:Christmas Story-A Fansite
:::and now for a Christmas Song That I really do enjoy sharing:::
Will Anita Marie Get Her Fiji Mermaid THIS Year?:::
Today
On Day Six
Anita Marie Asks…
Do you know what today is?
Before I tell you let me tell you about my day.
Today it snowed.
I baked.
I played with my cats and wondered if
I was stranded in my car on the side of the road in this snow storm
would I care about what I wanted for Christmas?
If the power went out like it did last year, and it went back on across the street two days before the power was restored on my side of the street and I had to sit in my dark house and watch the Christmas Lights on my neighbors house go on in the evening and cast little rays of happy lights on their plastic Christmas yard ornaments would getting a Monkey Fish seem like something I would be thinking about?
That I should be thinking about?
You bet I would-and I DID- because I think it’s those wild dreams that give us the strength to deal with the world when things get absolutely unbearable.
I’ve made it my mission in life to see those dreams of mine come true…
and sometimes they do
and when they do it is always so worth the effort it took to keep them alive.
Now here’s the answer to the question.
Today
::It’s Christmas In Heaven That’s What Today Is:::
In this image from a Department of Transportation traffic camera, a driver who apparently abandoned their vehicle walks down State Route 520 Thursday morning.
What you don’t see here is that a few minutes after this picture was taken cars started to turn around and drive the wrong way down the Shoulder ( behind this pedestrian ) so that they could get off of the freeway.
fyi
you can click the pictures to get to the orginal news stories.
And if you think that here in Snohomish County we just build snowmen or ride sleds down one of our many hills or drive to the Malls and spend all day there eating Salted Pretzels and drinking Coffee with fancy French and Italian names because school was cancelled and we couldn’t get to work so we stayed home
HA HA ON YOU!
We do stuff like this:::
Snow Dare: Jayden trying to sit in the snow filled chair as long as he can.
Now for the best part of Snow Days
The Comics!
Stay Warm Everybody and if you ARE warm remember- to much Sun is bad for your skin.
Will Anita Marie Get Her Fiji Mermaid THIS Year?:::
Today
On Day Five
Anita Marie Concludes That:
Diamonds maybe a Girl’s Best Friend
But a Fiji Mermaid will never fall off the back of your toilet
and into the toilet bowl and end up costing you hundres of dollars in Plumbers fees.
It snowed today here in Snohomish County
which was pretty wonderful.
My husband picked me up from work, which was even better because I didn’t have to take the bus home- and instead of enjoying the snowfall from the freeway on a bus which was sure to smell like Lattes and wet wool I got to enjoy it from my own kitchen which smelled like Quiche and warmed up eggnog with PLENTY of nutmeg.
It also meant that we watched some TV earlier in the day then unusual and I’m not sure if it’s always like this but there were lots and lots of commercials and wouldn’t you know it- they were all about buying really expensive presents…get this
FOR THE WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE.
And all of the gifts were jewelry related.
Hurray!
That Fiji Mermaid is as good as mine.
First up this guy is waving a diamond ring under his girlfriend’s sleeping nose.
It’ wasn’t a diamond chip on a delicate silver band in the shape of a heart or something- oh no, this thing was big. I’ll bet the band was platinum too.
He waited for me to continue- you know after 20 years together he knew there was more.
” Aren’t you glad that I’m not asking for one of those? WOW look at the size of that thing- and what are they sleeping on? Is that a futon? I’ll bet she makes him sleep on the side that slopes down more- you know on the drafty side of the room.”
He took the remote and turned the channel and …
some guy bought a diamond bracelet for his deaf girlfriend and when he signed the line that was designed to bring a tear to the eye I said:
” He’s bought her a diamond bracelet and he’s only just learned to sign ” Merry Christmas? ” How long have those two been together? A week? What a sap. But when you think about it, if a man has been with a woman for say twenty years or something like that don’t you think she would deserve maybe two bracelets? Perhaps even earrings and a necklace to match?”
” I suppose. “
“So, like, you’d get me jewelry is I asked for it?”
Actually, after spending the last week asking for Pickled Punks and Fiji Mermaidsthe look on my husband’s face was saying- no I take that back,
It was crying out:
” God I wish you would.”
“Good thing I’m not shallow, right? “
He agreed.
My husband was also watching me the same way my dogs watch me when I come up to them with their Flea Drops hidden behind my back.
” Yeah. I’m into the Spirit of the season- you know doing heart felt things for other people and all. Like bringing a little joy into their life and recognizing their uniqueness”
By the time I was done pointing out that it was okay to get strange presents for strange people there was another commercial on and in this one an entire family was presenting a Mom with a necklace set with the birthstones of her children.
She was crying.
Her kids were crying.
My husband was almost crying.
” Boy. I mean thats’ exactly what I’d want- my kids hanging from around my neck- what an efficient way to do it- this way they could do it all at once and from a distance. Now that gift took some thought. Don’t you think?”
My husband turned the TV off and now I’m writing and I think he’s talking to my sister.
That’s it guys.
She’s out there waiting for you to bring her home.
Irregular Bones 
