The Bee’s Knees Award Goes To….

TONY LA STELLA

 

!!!! MY FAVORITE SINGER !!!!

HE’S GOT ONE HECK OF A VOICE

HE’S COOL

HE SINGS SWING MUSIC

PLUS

HE’S ITALIAN

NEED I SAY MORE?

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Hey Dawg I mean Gawd

 

Hey Big “G” look who stopped by for God Chat

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…just messin’ with you Dawg.

Okay, here we go:

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Hi God how’s your week been?

Mine has been boodles of fun-

First off this group that hates… Gays and Lesbians and Transgender people…oh and brown people and people who aren’t Christian Extremists like themselves and they probably even hate that cute little dog from the Taco commercials because they think he’s “illegal” came to Lynnwood, Washington to hold a rally.

 

There’s a good part God, there were more people OUTSIDE protesting then there were people inside attending the meeting itself.

Somy friends and me stood outside and waved signs and had a good time supporting our community.

The best part was the cars with families that honked and waved and yelled good job.

My personal favorite was the guy who was driving this big truck that slowed down and yelled, “ Love for us all. “

The bad part is that one of the groups’ ‘leaders’ is involving himself in local politics.

Ahem.

Oh and Lord of Wonders, I know you love those stories about the Mountlake Terrace City Council- but I don’t have any new ones. Don’t get all high and mighty on me, that divine intervention thing is in your department.

 

Now Lord, there this woman who wants people to celebrate a sugar free Halloween– that’s the kind of thinking that should get you assigned to the short bus and we both know it. Don’t think I’m letting this Halloween thing go- if Church people aren’t trying to make it ‘Church Friendly’ then Granola Heads are trying to make it healthy.

 

What next? Will we have to worry about Valentines coming under attack because the disembodied hearts remind people of human sacrifice and temple steps in South America drenched with blood….and heyyyyy….

 

 

No- if I mess with that one, every Jeweler and chocolate manufacturer in the on the planet will be after me.

And last but not least, if you forgive me for having bad thoughts about you for letting my cat die, then I’ll forgive you for the fact that the Halloween Monster Fest on AMC really, really sux this year.

Pax?

Good.

Take Care

See you way later

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And

Ahhhhemennnn

Where The Insanity Began

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Sixteen years ago my sons and I took a bus to downtown Everett and met my husband’s bus that he drove into town daily from Granite Falls, Washington.

One of his passengers had brought us the newest addition to our family- it was a tiny little kitten who was the runt of the litter and just about seven weeks old with bowed front legs, blue eyes and a little ringed tail.

The kitten was sitting in a McDonalds bag with the edges rolled down and he smelled like French fries.

He looked up into my face and meowed and when I reached down to pick him up he crawled up my arm straight to my shoulder- where he promptly sunk his claws into my skin so he wouldn’t slide off and then he tried to bite my glasses.

It took three of us to get him out of my hair.

My sons and I had already picked out a name for this tiny creature- we’d just seen a movie that we all loved and my boys were already familiar with the music- I made them aware of it because the composer was my Grandfather’s favorite- he said this man wrote the most perfect music in the world…

 we named that little guy Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

The funny thing is when the boys heard ” Amadeus ” they thought it sounded like “Mama’s Deus ” so they called our Wolfie ” Mommy’s Deus”  for years.

Anyway on the bus ride home we had put Wolfgang in a box and he howled and growled and the bus driver, a bear of a guy named Pat laughed and called back to us, ” Hey, what wild animal do you have back there?”

I opened the box and lifted Wolfgang out by the scruff of his neck held him up and he hissed and spit at everybody and that was pretty much sums up Wolfie.

He’s been more of a companion then pet and he’s inspired stories that I’ve written and some of his real life exploits have turned up in a series I did about a character called ” Insanity Jones “.

People thought I made up things about ” Insanity” like how he sat in the middle of the street one day and backed up traffic and his hatred of fire engines and how I had to lock him up if he saw firemen because he’d try to bite them – but that was all true.

And then there was the Summer four years ago when Wolfie saw my oldest Son’s pitbull running straight for me- I was not in danger but Wolfie didn’t know that.

The next thing I know Wolfie is running by me jumps up and wraps himself around Puma’s head and tries to take his eyes out- and at the end of the day my cat didn’t have a mark on him.

He also spent the rest of the week tormenting that poor dog and barfing on my Son’s suitcase- don’t ask, but when Wolfie got mad at you that’s what he did.

That’s Wolfie’s story, his true story- he was loved and cherished and spoiled and loyal and mean and smart and he was my heart.

When he died that morning, part of me did too.

Tonight we buried him under his favorite tree, then we made a little bonfire for him.

He was up there somewhere wishing, I’m sure, that it would have spread so that he could’ve had one last shot at those Firemen.

 

Hola Friday!

Okay, it’s Aloha Friday

but I thought I’d shake the Bones

with a new

OH  THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY 

celebration song and dance

with help from

A Little Spanish Flea

and just in case

here’s the Official Aloha Friday song…cause you know

it IS pretty cool

Jeremy Bentham’s Head Fell Off

Jeremy Bentham was an interesting guy who advocated for things like equal rights for women and the abolition of slavery.

 Jeremy Bentham also had written into his Will that his body be preserved, stored in a cabinet and brought out for special board meetings.

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Then one day his head, which was not preserved well…fell off. So they made a wax one and stuck his real head between his feet ( see picture above) .

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Jeremy Bentham’s Head

I’m sorry to say I couldn’t have made this stuff up.

God, I wish I had.

 

Jeremy Bentham (26 February [O.S. 15 February 15] 1748) – June 6, 1832) was an English jurist, philosopher, and legal and social reformer. He was a political radical and a leading theorist in Anglo-American philosophy of law. He is best known as an early advocate of utilitarianism and fair treatment of animals who influenced the development of liberalism.

God and The Daily Show Effect

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Hi God,

Something Strange and Mysterious has happened

and I’m

chalking it up to  your

Godly Powers.

Either that or you’re drinking again….

but we’ll get to that later.

Anyway, here’s the skinny: 

Over the last few weeks Irregular Bones has gone from an

on-line

 journal

where I write about my cats and my friends and family and head hunters and civil rights and

homeless people and what my bus rides to and from work are like

and my hero worship of Rod Serling and Bruce Campbell

to

a

NEWS SOURCE.

I kid you not.

So being that I’m trying to get on your good side

( well, at least on Sundays )

I’m prepared to answer your Call:

I have a half a pound of Pez on hand at all times

 an endless supply of Jolt cola

a weird sense of humor

and Google at my finger tips.

I am SO going to have fun with this.

Thanks for the Call God,

it’s a good one.

Oh and between me and you

I don’t care what anyone says

YOU ARE FUNNY.

See Ya Next Sunday….

ahhhhmennnnn.

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No Post Day

 

Pussy cat, pussy cat,

Where have you been?

I’ve been to London to visit the Queen.

Pussy cat, pussy cat,

What did you do there?

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That’s for me to know

and for you

to wonder about!

 

 

 

 

An Alien Observation

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Do you know what I think is funny?

I think it’s funny when people with voice and power

demand

that

the very people they’ve silenced

 speak for them….

It’s just a thing that seems to happen every

once and awhile.

amm

 

Boo God!

 

Where have I been?

Funny One God.

Let’s Get to it, shall we? 

 

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So God, I was surfing the net for Halloween stuff and I kept running across these stories about Christians wanting to ” take Halloween back ” or asking if they should celebrate it at all.”

Here’s the short answer. 

No.

Okay God?

Just in case that’s not clear enough here’s the long answer:

No! No! No!

I don’t go into church and make everybody in there read Stephen King and I don’t make the Congregation dress up like zombies or ghouls for Sunday Services and I happen to think that some of those Church songs are nice so I would never make them sing those ” Haunted Favorites ” with the sound effects in the background ( let’s face it though, I bet more people would go if ….never mind ) Okay…so tell them alright? I mean, don’t they have to listen to you? Isn’t that in the rule book  Bible somewhere?

Yeah…I thought so.

Now the second thing I want to chat about are these Wonker Heads that sent me hate mail just because I believe in Human Rights.

I know they’re your children God and you love them- probably in the same way I loved that Cyclops Kitten. It was so deformed and helpless and must have been so afraid that you just couldn’t not care about it.

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But Christ, could you make sure they use spell check? Like if one of these er, individuals, take the time to write me a letter and threaten me the very least you could make them do is run spell check so that the fake name those Chuckle-Heads use is spelled right.

Yeah, okay it is funny but still.

And forgive me God because in the spirit of Halloween I told someone an Urban Legend was a true story even though I knew it wasn’t.

Which one?

It was the one about the woman who goes to Mexico and  after she gets back this boil on her face pops open and hundreds of baby spiders crawl out.

Hey, don’t get all Godly on me, the person I messed lost her last brain cell to bleach about 30 years ago and she always calls me ” Sen-your-eada “

She knows I don’t like her, so why she asked me about this one is weird. I’m guessing it’s because ” Sen-your-eada  Ahneeeedah ” ( as she likes to call me)  looks like one of them ” Mexican People ” and she probably thinks  I’d know all about Mexican Infestations “

Hear My Prayer Lord….please have her ask me another….please?

And see you here next Sunday…got that…here

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Oh almost forgot….

aaaaahhhhmennn.

 

It’s All In The Game

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A long time ago

my oldest son played soccer.

Most of the parents  insisted outfitting the kids in high cost pro style uniforms,  they bought uniform bags, even special water bottles.

 All of this stuff was embossed with the team logo…and before the game they’d line this stuff up on the ground and then they’d raise a custom made team banner over it all.

The kids were six years old

Some people take this stuff way to seriously like these guys… 

 

By Associated Press

LACEY, Wash. (AP) – The Black Hills Junior Football League says the parents who brawled after a game in Lacey won’t be welcome back.

Police cited two people for assault after the weekend brawl involving at least 15 people at South Sound Stadium following game. The players are second- through fourth-graders.

The fight between Samoan and non-Samoan parents began with a dispute over loud cheering by parents. One man was treated at a hospital for a neck injury.

The football league president says the penalties against fighting parents won’t affect their child’s status on a team.