Journal

On The Third Day

/ Anita Marie / 2 Comments

We Toss Out The Left Overs 

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On the third day of Christmas, 
my true love sent to me 
Three French hens, 
Two turtle doves, 
And a partridge in a pear tree.

 

A few years ago my bus got caught in a snow storm and the going was slow.

S-L-O-W

So me and my friends told jokes, we told stories, we ate the Christmas Candy and food some of us had brought home from work parties that day.

Somebody busted into the wine bottle I had in my backpack (a gift from an oh-so generous Secret Santa) and someone else made a game out of the five of us drinking it without the other passengers catching on.

Oh Sure.

Nobody did.

Anyway.

Seeing that the other passengers were nervous about being stranded on the freeway and were openly worried about having to walk home or other such real and uncomfortable options me and my friends decided to cheer everybody up by telling stories at the top of our lungs

– about –

THAT TIME WE GOT STUCK ON THE BUS

The worst time was when there was a shooting, the gunman was loose on I-5 or was near it ( I forget the particulars ) so law enforcement shut the freeway down.

It was warm that day.

One of my bus friends decided after an hour or so to start talking about lakes and oceans and water fountains and Italian Sodas.

By the time he was done- (we remembered with hysterics) half the bus had to go to the bathroom, and we bet that the other half would have drank it.

AND THEN THERE WAS THAT OTHER TIME

The bus broke down and they promised that another bus was going to stop and get us…of course it didn’t and we watched it speed on by- but hurray! There was a  second bus that came right up behind it about 15 minutes later and we thought it was going to pull in front of us so we could all get on.

Instead it stopped right along side of our bus.

I could see what was happening.

My brain locked.

” No.” I started to pound on the window like that kid in the horror film” Audrey Rose ” and I start yelling over and over ” No! For the love of God No!”

What is it? Everyone is asking me.

” It’s broken down…our rescue bus is BROKEN DOWN!”

AND WHAT ABOUT THAT TIME

We were stuck on the freeway because the Driver had called in and requested that someone come out and put chains on the bus because when the pavement is black and twinkling and big fluffy flakes are starting to fall, it’s safe to say that unless you’re a Polar Bear you probably shouldn’t  be out there driving around without a little traction.

 So thinking that no one was really listening except for my usual bus pals I told the story about that time me my friends and sneaked into this graveyard and built a massive snow fort  and snow-people all around the grounds and how we even decorated one of the trees and how we later called the Funeral Home and blamed the entire mess on the college students who thought it was cool to hold seances and burn black candles on the headstones and things like that.

” Wow, you and your friends were evil little kids ” someone told me

and I said

” You know, like we did that two weeks ago. “

Ho Ho Ho

Only 10 more days until I reach

The Inner Circle of Hell

CHRISTMAS.

 

On The Second Day

/ Anita Marie / 5 Comments

When birds of the feather flock  together

one of them always winds up flying into a window

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On the second day of Christmas, 
my true love sent to me 
Two turtle doves, 
And a partridge in a pear tree. 

 

 When I was about 11 I bought a pure bred Alaskan Malamute puppy for 75.00. He had a lightening bolt mark on the top of his head and the first trick I ever taught him was ” Kissie Face “

I named him Sham, for the horse in the book ” The King of The Wind “. Sham also means ” Sun ” and I thought that was pretty funny. My Dad and his cousin tried to get me to name him Buck or Bear or something snow dog related.

” He’s not a snow dog ” I told them, ” he’s my precious little baby.”

Look- it made me sick to just say those words, I can only imagine what my Dad and his Cousin thought.

Back to the story-

I taught Sham important commands like sit and stay  and leave it ( which were pretty important considering how big he seemed to get everyday )

Only I taught him those commands in every language except English.

At that point my Dad was convinced me AND the dog deserved each other and he I’m not sure but sometimes I’d hear my Dad yelling in French for Sham to stop barking.

Me and Sham grew up together and he died just after I turned 22.

And then one night, on a lark I went to the Humane Society and there in the first kennel was a Siberian Husky….I turned to the chart on the wall across from the cage and started to read about this dog when the cage door flew open and hit me on the back.

I turned around and the dog….Mr. Innocent was sitting at the back of the kennel.

Wagging his tail.

I closed the gate and it happened again.

I grabbed the chart off the wall and to the dog that had one blue eye and one brown eye and a smile and said ” fine, I get it already, let’s go home”.

I found out two little things at the adoption desk- my new dog was named BUCK and that night was going to be his last night on this earth.

I took him to my parent’s house and introduced them to Buck ( boy did Dad’s eyes light up)- until I said I’d changed his name to Tristan.

” Where the heck did that name come from? ” My Dad said with this little vein pounding in his forehead… to let you know it’s  the one that practically popped ( so he told me ) everytime I opened my mouth.

Tristan Farnon I said, from ” All Creatures Great and Small ”  Which was one of my favorite TV Shows. And then I pointed out that Tristan and the actor who played him were both British and my Dad asked me if I had something against Alaska and it’s dogs why not adopt a nice poodle or something?

Ha Ha Dad.

Anyway a week later it was Christmas and my Mom who is not really sentimental about pets set aside the poultry for the Cats  and a bunch of scraps … and I’m talking enough table scraps to feed a dog the size of a horse…which is pretty much what Sham was.

And then from the living room I heard her call for Tristan and she said Merry Christmas and I heard her give him his food.

Just over ten minutes later my sister comes screaming out of the kitchen that Tris is dead ” and Lina killed him! “

( don’t ask me why but my sister calls our Mom Lina- it’s her name, in return my Mom calls Es ” Anita’s Sister ” )

So I run in the kitchen and Tris is face down in the roasting pan that we used to give Sham his ” holiday dinner ” 

Sham could put that amount of food away in about 15 minutes and  I figure that Tris put away about half of what was in that pan in about the same amount of time before he passed out.

I pried his jaws open and he took a breath, belched and went back to sleep.

I asked my Mom what was she thinking giving Tris the same amount of food as Sham and she said, ” Well they’re both dogs aren’t they? “

It’s a good thing my Mom doesn’t drink.

It’s a blessing really.

Oh.

Happy Holidays.

Only 11 more days until I reach

The Inner Circle of Hell

CHRISTMAS.

 

Chuck A Sickie

/ Anita Marie / 13 Comments

Hi Everybody! 

This is stuff I learned while I waited to see if the storm that hit Washington State would make my toilet overflow… 

First of all here some pictures of some flooding from around Mountlake Terrace, Washington…I didn’t take them- I pulled them from HERE

They look dramatic but I should say these shots are in ‘hollows’ and that the areas shown aren’t huge…but if it’s your car or apartment pictured here then it probably feels like your entire world is under water.

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We didn’t get any flooding near my house- unless you count the ‘accidents’ three of  my cats  had because they refused to go outside to use the bathroom during the storm(s).

Well two of them had accidents-

Meet Blitzer

( he’s the third cat )

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Blitzer drank water non-stop

ON PURPOSE…don’t ask me how I know, I just do.

 

I also learned this great expression ( as I worried about my plumbing )

To chuck a sickie:

It’s a saying they use in Australia.

It means to take a day off sick from work when you are fine.

My goal is to use this phrase at least once a day for a week. I’ll let you know how it goes.

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According to my post rankings ( which briefly distacted me from my Sewer Fears ) I learned that my readers- pictured below-

( oh come on…where’s your sense of humor? )

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 are into Alcohol, Exorcisms and Bruce Campbell…though some of you seem to be flirting with David Tennant ( traitors! )

and here’s what I learned about Politics ( which brought me straight back to thinking about my toilet ) : This Louis Black On Homeland Security… 🙂  He says it’s all about duct tape and Electro Shock Therapy. I did NOT know that.

I’ll be darned.

Warning…nasty words alert- careful where you play this!

 

So that was what I learned…and thanks for asking- no my toilet did not overflow.

YAY!

 

 

TEQUILA COOKIES

/ Anita Marie / 14 Comments

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 OR
how I survive the holidays

    1 cup of dark brown sugar
    1 cup (2 sticks) butter
    1 cup of granulated sugar
    4 large eggs
    2 cups of dried fruit, such as dried cranberries or raisins
    1 tsp baking soda
    1 tsp salt
    1 tsp fresh lemon juice
    1 cup coarsely chopped walnuts or pecans
    2 cups all-purpose flour
    1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila (silver or gold, as desired)
 
Sample the Cuervo to check quality.
 
Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
 
Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it’s best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup just in case.
 
Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.  Pick the frigging fruit off floor.
 
Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
 
Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
 
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something.  Check the Jose Cuervo.
 
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
 
Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.  Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
 
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher. 

Sunny Longyear and Co.

/ Anita Marie / 4 Comments

This little bit o’ fun  was a challange from Kitty:

So here is your assignment for today, dear readers. Find a song that inspires you to write something, whether it gives you an idea for a script or just puts you into a better frame of mind 

Babe, you’re getting closer
The lights are goin’ dim
The sound of your breathin’
Has made the mood I’m in
All of my resistance
Is lying on the floor
Taking me to places
I’ve never been before….

When I write my stories  that I like to think of as “Grave Tales” I always reach for my Elvis tunes and I play this one first…actually I listen to it a lot when I’m writing.

It’s been the ‘back beat’ for stories like

Grave Thoughts

Saturnina Hits The Deck

Midnight Conversation at Riversleigh

By Livia Longyear

annndddd here it is!

Way Down Lyrics (Elvis Presley)

Babe, you’re getting closer
The lights are goin’ dim
The sound of your breathin’
Has made the mood I’m in
All of my resistance
Is lying on the floor
Taking me to places
I’ve never been before

 

Ooh, and I can feel it,
Feel it, feel it, feel it

 

Way down where the music plays
Way down like a tidal wave
Way down where the fires blaze
Way down, down, way, way on down

 

Ooh, my head is spinnin’
You got me in your spell,
A hundred magic fingers
On a whirling carousel
The medicine within me
No doctor could prescribe
Your love is doing something
That I just can’t describe

 

Ooh, and I can feel it,
Feel it, feel it, feel it

 

Way down where the music plays
Way down like a tidal wave
Way down where the fires blaze
Way down, down, way, way on down

Hold me again,
Tight as you can
I need you so,
Baby, let’s go

 

Way down where it feels so good
Way down where I hoped it would
Way down where I never could
Way down, down, way, way on down

Commuter Hell Revisited

/ Anita Marie / 3 Comments

Yesterday some of the buses were late.

One woman stopped my bus, got on and screeched at our driver…and I’m talking SCREECHED at how inconvenienced she was, how there was no reason ” no reason at all ” she made it clear to us all for why SHE should be standing there and for why her bus was half an hour late.

 Screechy The Snot Nosed Banshee would at least get home that night and she will live to screech the next time her bus is late.

This is the reason the traffic was backed up.

Do you think Screechy cares?

I didn’t think so either.

Man found dead along Interstate 5

Man found dead along Interstate 5

Story Published: Nov 21, 2007 at 2:34 PM PST

Story Updated: Nov 21, 2007 at 7:13 PM PST

By KOMO Staff

MOUNTLAKE TERRACE, Wash. — Police here say the death of a man whose body was found near Interstate 5 on Wednesday morning is suspicious.

Department of Transportation workers found the body inside a sleeping bag just a few feet away from the southbound lanes of I-5 at the 220th Street exit.

Police said several details, including the location of the body, lead them to believe the man could have been murdered.

“The location of where the body was at – about ten feet off the fog line, from the freeway, in a sleeping bag – it’s not a normal area where a transient would sleep,” said Trooper Keith Leary.

And state troopers said the man did not seem like a transient as he was well-groomed. The man, who appeared to be in his 40s, did not have any identification.

Police said the body was found with duct tape wrapped around the outside of the sleeping bag near the man’s feet.

“It would be very difficult for an individual to do that to themselves and tuck them(selves) into a sleeping bag,” Mountlake Terrace Police Chief Scott Smith.

Smith believes the body likely hadn’t been at the location for long, but said it appeared as if someone had tried to hide it.

“Did have some debris, leaves and branches covering it. So it would not have been readily visible to some coming off the off-ramp,” he said.

There were no obvious signs of trauma to the body and an autopsy will be needed to determine the cause of death.

Police are looking through missing person reports to see if they could find a description that matches the found man.

“It’s a bit unusual for us to investigate anything like this, but it is what it is and we do what we have to do,” Smith said.

For Your Consideration…

/ Anita Marie / 4 Comments

             Roloff Farms

and  Direct Access Solutions

Present a special email announcement!
Dear Anita,

Happy Thanksgiving from Roloff Farms!

 

 

Here at the farm, we have much to be thankful for-not in the least all of the encouragement, insight, and wisdom we receive from our fans. 

 

 

We follow our thanks with an apology, for we didn’t initially intend this letter to be sent to such a wide audience.  Our original intention was to send this message only to Little People or others who might have an interest in the company Direct Access Solutions, Inc., the premier provider of accessibility products for traveling Little People.  You may have seen Mike and me working with some of these products on “Little People, Big World.”  As you know, we don’t normally use this list to plug our own handiwork.

 

 

However, it has come to our attention that several major hotel chains have been hesitant to invest in DAS kits simply because they’ve received little or no feedback from their guests.  The number of responses from Little People staying in their unequipped establishments has been surprisingly low. 

 

 

We understand that many LP’s are fiercely independent and are happy to make their own adaptations, even if they are dangerous, like standing on top of an upside down trashcan.  However, we’ve heard from countless other LP’s who have stayed in hotels, used a DAS kit and have been very satisfied with the product during the course of their trip.

 

 

And here’s where we come to the nitty gritty. 

As you and your families embark on your holiday travels, we’re asking you to help us support hotels that support LP’s.  Even if you’re not in need of a DAS kit yourself, we encourage you to ask the front desk upon checking in if the hotel provides any sort of accommodation for people of short stature or restricted mobility.  This isn’t just limited to LP’s. 

We’ve heard stories of young children, aging grandparents, and those suffering from various skeletal and muscular ailments who were unable to access everything in their hotel room and could have benefited from a DAS kit. 

 

 By speaking up and bringing visibility to this issue, you’re helping to pave the way for a more comfortable stay for others.

 

An even more powerful step you can take to help ensure that more hotels provide DAS kits is to fill out the comment card in your hotel room at the end of your stay.  Little Person or not, if you or someone you know had trouble accessing any element of your hotel room, the establishment needs to know!  They can’t make changes unless they know there’s a problem.  On the other hand, if you stayed in a hotel that was DAS equipped and you were happy with the availability of the product, let someone know about that too!  Positive feedback is greatly appreciated in the hospitality industry, and helps to assure the hotel that they made a good investment with DAS.

 

In fact, we’re so excited about the difference you can make through something as simple as a comment card, that if you take a picture of your completed card and email us a copy before January 30th, we’ll send you a special gift from the Roloff family. 

 

You can email your comment cards to kaitlin@mattroloff.com.

 

Another option is to have the hotel make a copy of the comment card.  They’ll keep the original, and you can send the copy to:

 

          Matt Roloff

          Hotel Comments

         22115 NW Imbrie Drive           Box 317          Hillsboro, OR 97124  However you get us your comments, be sure to include your name and contact information, the name of the hotel, and the dates of your stay.  Again, if you send us all of this information before January 30, 2008, the Roloffs will send you a token of their appreciation. 

 

In the future, if you would like to receive more updates and announcements specific to DAS, please click the “Update my Profile/Email Address” link below.  From there, simply check the box next to “Direct Access Solutions” and you’ll be added to that mailing list.

 

 

 

Thank you for your time and understanding.  Together, we can make a difference and help hotels across the nation become equipped for guests of all sizes.  We look forward to hearing from you in the beginning of the year!

 

With gratitude,

Matt Roloff and Family

Get Paid WRITE!

/ Anita Marie / 4 Comments

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So this Writer’s Strike…do you think it’s just about money?

Well okay, it’s about money but there’s a little more to it then that.

For me it’s all about telling people who tell stories that- ” you know what….it’s really nice of you to speak up, to share your ideas to open up your soul and mind and let anyone with a DVD player or 10.00 bucks wander around in your head for awhile…but at the end of the day your voice ain’t worth a nickle”…and I’m not joking there.

So read up on this, especially you Labor People ( okay…you KNOW who I’m talking to here ) and show a little support for your Union Brothers and Sisters.

Here are some links…educate yourselves.

Start HERE

Max’s place has done a few posts here and I’d say take a look at the BBC article here

And pass the word along…

amm

A Totally Self Indulgent Post

/ Anita Marie / 1 Comment

These are stories I care about…that’s why 

 Aliens involved in Crash

  

 

Okay, here’s the skinny….I found out if I put stories up with ‘ Alien ‘  in it I get massive hits from State, Federal and City Employees WHO SHOULD BE DOING THEIR JOBS INSTEAD OF GOOFING OFF ON THE INTERNET ALL DAY

What is it with you guys and Aliens?

ahem

 

The Weird Holiday Gift Catalog Has Arrived!

YAY!

Hey folks! If you’d like to see the WEIRD NEW JERSEY 2007 Holiday catalog click HERE

Weird New Jersey…if these guys were screenwriters I’d actually start going to the movies again.

 

!!!!PIE!!!

IT’S ALL ABOUT THE PIE…THAT’S WHAT MY FRIEND TONY SAYS…

 HE’S RIGHT YOU KNOW

PREP TIME 

20 Min
SERVINGS & SCALING
Original recipe yield: 1 -9-inch pie

US METRIC

    

About  scaling  and  conversions

INGREDIENTS

  • 4 ounces cream cheese, softened

  • 1 tablespoon milk

  • 1 tablespoon white sugar

  • 1 1/2 cups frozen whipped topping, thawed

  • 1 (9 inch) prepared graham cracker crust

  • 1 cup cold milk

  • 2 (3.5 ounce) packages instant vanilla pudding mix

  • 1 (15 ounce) can solid pack pumpkin puree

  • 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

  • 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger

  • 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves

 

DIRECTIONS

  1. In a large bowl, whisk together cream cheese, 1 tablespoon of milk, and sugar until smooth. Gently stir in whipped topping. Spread into bottom of crust.

  2. Pour 1 cup of milk into large bowl, and thoroughly mix in pudding mix, pumpkin, cinnamon, ginger, and cloves. When thickened, spread over cream cheese layer.

  3. Refrigerate 4 hours, or until set.

  4. EAT!