I write a lot about Bruce Campbell and David Tennant– in my opinion ( and this is my blog so…) they are the only two actors worth writing about.
That is until Tom and his Best Buddy the Church of Scientology flew staight into my face and mashed against my skull like a bug on a windshield.
Okay.
This is what I think about Tom Cruise and Scientology.
Tom Cruise- I work near a mental health clinic – they are very discreet and the people who work there are wonderful. They are giving and kind and practical, the well being of their clients are paramount to them.
For the love of all that is good, make an appointment with them. You and that guy who stands on the corner by my bus stop and sings hyms and leaves offerings of food to the Gods Dwell In The Abandon Hotel can go together.
FYI Tom I’ve just noticed that the guys ears are bleeding so make your call them pronto- the clinic guys, not the Gods In The Hotel
And to the Scientology Attorneys who have sent Cease and Desist letters to the websites showing this video…all I can say is Homeland Security, NASA the Pentagon and a local law enforcement agency have been to my blog alone…so bring it on big boys- I will be more then glad to show my support to any provider who shows this clip.
Now here is a link to a news story – there are no pictures of men in black or the Outer Limits or Twilight Zone theme playing in the background- I’m guessing because it wouldn’t fit.
Does anyone know the theme to ” One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest”?
Lindsay Lohan was assigned Morgue Duty so the Pop Tart can learn what happens when drunken morons ( ahem Lindsay ) get behind the wheel of a car and drive around like they are the last living creature ( or at least the only one that matters ) on the face of the earth.
But that’s not what concerns me here.
I just find this entire ” plea deal” to be offensive.
The very thought that some actress who got busted for drunk driving could be in a position to lay eyes ( let alone hands ) on somebody’s child or mother or husband who may have ended up in the Morgue because of drunk driver ( ahem again Lindsay ) makes my skin crawl.
And that’s no easy task- I’ve worked Funeral Home.
Those recently departed loved ones are not teaching aides for snot nosed drunks- they are human beings and deserve some dignity in death.
I doubt if Lohan understands the concept of other people…but you would think there is somebody involved with the legal system or in the entire state of California that would.
Back in the 70’s our local bus company finally got radios on their buses which meant that when they had a problem they could actually call it in from their bus instead of hoping there was a pay phone nearby ( and around here there was like three and none of them were on a bus route ) that they could use or they would have to stop at somebody’s house, knock on the door and and ask to use the phone.
It’s true, sometimes you’d be walking home from school or coming home from work and there would be be a bus parked in front of your house and when you went in there was a bus driver using your phone.
So, back to the story.
Shortly after the buses get radios my third grade class ( I was about 10 at the time) went on a field trip to the beach.
We all had to drop in ten cents and because this wasn’t a school bus it was like five minutes before me and my friend had our magic markers out and we were drawing on the backs of the seats in front of us.
It was great- my specialty in those days was this little dog with a pitchfork tail and three eyes- I drew that thing every chance I had.
So anyway, the beach- this Park Ranger told us all about tide pools and the little animals that lived in them and how much trouble you could get into if you hurt those creatures or the plants.
He looked right at me and my friend the entire time he talked and if you want to know the truth I was starting to feel a little defensive- which moved straight into outright defiance.
At the end of the day all I had in my hands was my beach workbook and my return fare and no magic markers because me and my friend had to toss them out the windows as we drove down the street when the Driver kept asking,
” Do you kids smell that? “
None the less, some of us were prepared in more then one way for the trip home.
My seat mate and fellow artist was a kid named Darrin (yes, the infamous Darrin to you regular visitors to my Bones) drops his fare, plus about three little baby crabs into the slot where the change goes and when the bus driver sees them crawling around in there she is not happy.
She can’t get them out, she told Darrin and me ( I was standing behind him and because I was laughing I’m guessing she thought I was in on this stunt ) because the fare box is locked and when she goes to hit the counter the baby crabs are going to get crushed when they get dropped down in the money holder.
” You’re a jerk.” I tell Darrin and when he turns around to argue with me the Driver tells everyone to get on the bus, not to put any money into the farebox and to wait.
Quietly.
Oh Brother.
Our teacher made us sit with him, which was never a pleasant experience because whenever Darrin and I got into trouble he’d tell us how we were making Jesus sad.
Oh big deal.
A sad Jesus…me and Darrin were Catholics- threats of a sad baby Jesus or a Jesus crying in heaven was lost on us.
Without a Priest or an angry Nun around to back him up our teacher was pretty unimpressive in the religious intimidation department.
However.
What acutally made the situation feel worse was that we had to sit up front on a bench seat with the teacher….and we were right behind the driver so we could see her nodding and agreeing with our teacher everytime he informed me Darrin in this soft reassuring voice that were going to wind up in Hell telling the Devil about how we tortured small animals.
Instead of being in Heaven with everyone else feeding straw to lions.
I’m not kidding here.
Then the driver flips some switches and says into her receiver, ” Dispatch, I have crabs in my box what should I do?”
And we hear a voice say, ” We didn’t get these radios so you could tell everyone about your personal problems.”
My friends and I have been talking about Drive In Theatres.
When I was a kid I thought Drive Ins were great because you got to sit in your car eat Popcorn and watch a movie- or if you were a creative kid like me you’d stretch that evening out to a full night of fun.
I used to Roller-skate around the lot before the movie and during intermission and count how many people were in their cars ” getting some Nookie “
That was what my older cousins called it.
Let me clear something up here:
I used to think ” Nookie ” was a word for eating Pizza- I thought it was the steam from the Pizza that fogged the windows up.
Give me a break I was like eight or nine at the time and it made sense.
Plus I was pretty clueless.
Anyway….
When I was about 12 I found out that a bunch of teenagers from the neighborhood used to drive almost 50 miles away to go to a Drive In by the airport- and watching these kids plan for it made my head hurt.
I couldn’t believe how complicated going to the movies was for these kids. I thought they were dumb- how hard could it be to get yourself to a Drive In?
They spent days trying to get a car, hours trying to get a story together about where they were going and somebody always slipped up and someone always got busted before ‘movie night’ and that was always dramatic with barefoot kids in bell bottom jeans running from house to house trying to salvage the evening.
It made my head hurt just to watch this.
Me and my friends and cousins went to the Drive In almost every weekend and we certainly didn’t spend days and days planning it.
We just badgered our parents into making somebody take us.
Later on- when I was about 12 one of my neighbor friends told me the older kids were driving all the way down there to see what our Grandparents called ” Stag Films”.
The kids told me that you could see a bunch of them for free- of course you had to sit on a fence in the cold and dark with a bunch of airplanes landing and taking off every 10 minutes over your head and you couldn’t hear anything because you didn’t have a car to attach a speaker to.
” But man, who cares? ” they’d say.
And I’d think, ” well I would. “
God I’m glad I knew how to keep my mouth shut most of the time.
Later there was this city or county ordinance passed that said Drive Ins couldn’t show ” Stag Films ” anymore so that took care of the older kids going on road trips to airport to watch movies.
On the other hand, if you just wanted to go to the movies and maybe goof off on the playground equipment or stand in line at the concession stands and buy popcorn and hot dogs or play pinball while you waited for your friends to use the bathroom you could still do that- it may not have been as adventurous as watching a movie from the street with the threat of ” THE MANAGER ” chasing you off…but so what?
It was fun while it lasted.
That’s all gone – the Drive In is no more.
The compromise is that now days you can have little TVs in your car or you can watch films on your computer- it’s all very convenient and all pretty Soulless
-and the worst thing of all-
You can’t roller-skate around a dark lot full of cars parked on wavy pavement and count how many people are in their cars getting Nookie anymore.
Darrin and I have been friends since we were seven.
He expressed his affection for me by offering to marry me when we were in the First Grade everyday at morning recess- in front of my friends and the sixth graders and on his knees.
My answer was to tie him to the tether-ball pole and to leave him there until recess was over.
In the Second Grade Darrin used to draw hearts on my desk- in magic marker.
I used to beat him up for that because darn it, that ink would NOT come off and for some reason the teacher who thought this situation was ‘too cute for words’ ( as he told my Mom ) couldn’t ‘find’ another desk.
And then part way through the third grade it occurred to me to just ignore Darrin.
That went on for weeks until one day I’m in my room- and there’s a knock on the living room door and I hear it open and I hear
Crying
It’s Darrin and he’s there with his Mom and they’re talking and my Mom and when I went out there all I could say was
” I haven’t touched that Cootie..I hate that Cootie…he BUGS me.”
I thought I was pretty darn funny.
My Mom is not amused.
Friends and neighbors she doesn’t even blink – I don’t think she was even breathing- she was MAD.
So my Mom asks Darrin what I did ( I was tried and convicted on the spot- my Mom does not screw with due process ) and that little Cootie- Head says
” Anita hates me…she won’t talk to me anymore.”
Not only did my Mom take away my bike, she took away my record player-
just for making Darrin cry.
So at a very young age I learned…
Don’t mess with Darrin
I ‘ve lived by that for over 30 years now.
So a couple of years ago I get this e-mail from Darrin.
We’re both Doctor Who fans and he tells me that when he was in the U.K. he saw the new Doctor on the TV.
Here’s what he said,
” His name isDavid Tennant and do you know what Anita? I never thought I’d say this becuase I didn’t think it could ever be true- but thereis someone out there who is far more prettier then you are.”
So I google David Tennant take a good look and fire back this e-mail
” Dear Cootie Maestro,
When the Master shows up he’s totally going to make this guy his Bitch.”
Darrin sent a copy of that to my Mom- who couldn’t punish me but it should be noted that for Christmas that year she didn’t give me her traditional gift of Cherry Cordials ( the mint ones ).
Even from his Grandmother’s house on the other side of the world Darrin got me busted.
God!
So for a couple of YEARS I have bit my lip everytime Darrin starts talking about
On one world someone ( ahem Max ) likes this guy- he’s a famous actor.
My niece- who is a sane 15 and exists on the same Planet as Max -knows him as the PriceLine.Com guy-
okay, I have to fess up when I started to think about this warp in reality I felt like I was in one of those Twilight Zone Episodes involving Mirrors and people who look like the people you know…
but they’re not.
( scary music bit comes in here )
Okay- for real now….
I actually thought that entire Priceline/ Captain Kirk situation was pretty funny until I remembered the first time I was shot into a screwed up alternate reality.
Here’s what happened- I was a HUGE MEGA fan of a band called Slade when I was like 10 or 11 and shut the Heck up about it years later when this Metal Band hijacked TWO…COUNT THEM… TWO of their songs and flew them straight up the charts.
I should have had more guts…I should have at least laughed at the lameness of it all…I was a musician, I played in clubs, I taught guitar and you know what? I could have articulated why something like this was just wrong, wrong, wrong.
Well I didn’t, and that turned out to actually be a defining moment in my life because from that point on I NEVER hid how I really felt about Music or Politics or Writing after swallowing that bitter piece of vomit.
Okay, it’s history-Slade still rocks and over the years I still haven’t changed- I still speak up- in fact-
I like to speak up…and I do it every chance I get.
So in closing here’s a pretty great song that Quiet Riot DIDN’T record.
Some people didn’t have to spend the New Years in Bed watching tv ( okay, there’s a Twilight Zone and CSI Marathon going on so I’m not exactly busted up over that) because they’re sick.
Other people actually got to have fun….
Check it out:
This is how some people saw 2008 in- this bar was built of Ice…I SO would have gone here myself.
Fireworks explode off the top of the Space Needle, bringing in 2008, as seen from a condo complex on lower Queen Anne. Delays due to a computer glitch lengthened the show, according to a Space Needle spokeswoman. Ultimately, the show had to be executed manually, but it was out of sync with the accompanying music. In 14 years, this is the first such problem.
*
According to the Media
We did not have a Groovy Time in Snohomish County
This is the big 2008 New Years Story to come out of my little neck of the suburbs.
It’s about laws that go into effect around Washington state today.
Geeze.
That’s like getting pencils and socks for Christmas.
and
on the Blog Front
Here at my blog I had over 100 hits on Christmas Day from people looking for stories about Exorcisms.
Irregular Bones 