No No No

This is Dawn Wells.
She played ” Mary Anne ” on Gilligan’s Island-
Yep.
Mary Ann was driving home with her friend Mary Jane and the rest is Celebrity Photo Mug Shot History.
But here’s the part that gets to me…she’s 69, I can’t imagine getting a call from my Mom or Grandmother and having them  say, ” I’m in jail and you have to bail me out…”
” Grandma! ” I would cry ” WTF happened! ”
( in real life I’d never use the eff word to either of my Grandmothers-deal with it )
” Well honey, they’re charging me with possession.”
Oh Wow.
I can’t even imagine what would happen next….my brain just shut down.

Save The LOL Cats! Save The LOL Cats!

Humorous Pictures

What the heck kind of world are we LIVING in?

The LOL Cats are in third place at WordPress.

Believe it or not

the Cats have been bested by a News Blog and a blog about what White People like.

Are you kidding me???!!!!!

This can’t be happening….it’s not right- the world must be set right before the very fabric of time and space is torn to shreds.

So go over to LOL Cats  ( I can has cheeseburger )and show your love

before moments like this are gone forever:

NOW GO…

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NOW NOW NOW!

No Post Day Returneth For Thee

Stuff I looked at instead of actually writing:

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This is to darn cute for words- I’ve posted it once and I’m going to do it again…because I CAN!!!

Click Here

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Found this list at B3ta 

MOST ANNOYING CATCHPHRASE

 1. “Mmm… pie”
2. “Wassup!”
3. “Cheap as chips”
4. “You are the weakest link”
5. “Dsf adsfg afg fg”
6. “All your base are belong to us”
7. “Cashback!”
8. “War on Terror”
9. “Timmay!”
10. “Golf Sale”

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Oh it’s funny….

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I love it when weird stuff happens during Campaigns….

Click Here and laugh…or growl.

Oh and you Hillbots that are sending me hate-mail over this post-

Can you say ” moderated blog “?

Snark.

 

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Okay.

Now I’m going to do some writing.

Really.

Now.

See….I’ve started already.

Lator Gators.

Delete This You Crazy F#$!!!

Somebody went into a community blog that I belong to and deleted her work.

She deleted other works by other writers

and in the end she left me a quarter of what I actually posted.

That’s not much.

All of my works are stored in other places.

But still.

If she could have, would she have erased me there too?

I believe she would have.

SO 

I think it’s War.

And I take no freaking prisoners.

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amm

 

It’s For The Best Emalee Cupid

I’ve been thinking about words and ideas and how important they are- so I wrote a story about it.

Enjoy

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Towns and Cities can disappear and die just like people. 

Some small towns disappear because the main highway is moved and that brings on death just as surely as if you sever an artery in you arm or leg or neck.

And some small towns disappear from the world because they want to.

Just like people.

First Down Turn disappeared from road signs and then it disappeared from road maps.

At some point most of the phone lines that fed into Down Turn fell against trees and into ditches with the storms that always hit the Olympics during the Winter and Spring. When the last set of lines came down in 1979 no one from the outside world noticed because by then Down Turn had all but disappeared from the rest of the world.

You’d think that the people living in Down Turn must have planned their escape from the world, that it must have taken them years to figure out how to erase the tracks they left as they moved in and out of Down Turn when they went to work or for drives or on vacations.

Nothing that grand happened in Down Turn.

The town just faded away bit by bit- just like a photograph encased in a frame with a dusty sheet of glass hanging on a wall that takes the sun for hours at a time.

If you lived in Down Turn you wouldn’t have noticed that you were cut off from the rest of the Universe or the main highway which was less then three miles away, after awhile you couldn’t hear the trucks or cars going by when the traffic was heavy anymore.

Nobody noticed.

Emalee Cupid was just like her neighbors and friends and co-workers. She was just like the people who came into the town’s library looking for ‘stories’.

She didn’t question why in over 20 years no children had been born or why no one ever changed their hairstyle or clothing style or had even bought a new car.

Emalee Cupid lived along and worked alone and now that the rest of life seemed to mirror the life she had resigned herself too all she felt was…

calm.

One day, it was probably sometime during the start of the week Emalee was fixing the spine on a Stephen King book and she wondered why no one seemed to be writing new books anymore.

The thought was a whisper but it was loud enough to make her wince and that’s when she turned the book in her hands over and saw that the title which should have read

” Salem’s Lot ” now read ” Alems Ot”

” That’s not right. ” she whispered to herself and she slid her thumb over the title thinking there MUST have been something covering the letters.

But there was nothing there- unless you counted the blank spot where the ” S ” and the ” L ” should have been.

Emalee looked around the library hoping that no one else was there to see her mistake.

How on Earth could she have not noticed that the cover of a book that she- the town librarian- had received to stock herself when it first came out had a huge problem like a type error on it’s cover?

She dreaded what she knew she had to do next.

She opened the book and as she flipped from page to page she saw that here and there the page numbers were missing, that words were misspelled and that in some places even the pen and ink pictures that were under the Chapter numbers were only partially visible.

Emalee went to the door and locked it and in a panic she went from book to book, magazine to magazine and found the same exact problem.

So just after lunch Emalee closed the Library and decided she had better talk to somebody- anybody about this awful thing she had let happen in her own library.

For years she must have been buying defective books with the towns money.

There was no hiding this- she had better talk to the person who hired her and that was the Mayor.

Down Turn’s Mayor was Mr Ferndale- the Mayor also owned the little General Store with the post office in the back and he also owned the garage and gas station just across the street.

His Offices were above the Gas Station and that’s where he was the day Emalee Cupid came in with her four defective books and two atlases with entire countries missing from the colored plates inside.

Mayor Ferndale was on the phone and he smiled as he motioned to Emalee to wait.

It didn’t seem right to Emalee to watch him so she went to the window and that’s when she saw the stop sign on the corner.

It was red- like it should be- only the words STOP were…

” What can I do for you Miss Cupid? ” the Mayor asked.

Emalee pointed out the window and found the words she need were …gone.

” Yes. They’ve been missing for a few days now, but really, I think we all know what to do at a four way corner, don’t you? Besides, it’s not like there’s a lot of traffic out there nowadays.”

Emalee walked to his desk and put the books down. ” The words. ” she whispered ” The words are missing. “

” Yes, it’s been happening all over the place. Mrs Carlyle at the Pharmacy is having quite a time adjusting but she’ll make do.”

” This isn’t right. ” she told Mayor Ferndale, you can’t just make do when words start to disappear.”

” Some of us don’t have a problem with it Miss Cupid. Some of us don’t like the clutter that’s made it’s way into our town and into our lives. And words- they’re nasty beasts. Those little monsters suck the very air out of your lungs before you have a chance to scream ” no ” and the racket they make as they tunnel their way into your brain.

It’s deafening. Deafening and messy.

 Really Miss Cupid- think about it, don’t things seem much more quiet  and orderly now?”

” No it isn’t.” Emalee went to his desk and snatched the books up and held them to her chest.Don’t you get it Mr. Ferndale? Those words aren’t clutter, they’re ideas, they’re dreams, they’re voices and if you take them away.”

” What. ” Mayor Fernadale asked

Emalee turned her full attention to the Mayor, she looked him straight in the eyes and when she did she saw the faintest outline of the bookshelf he was sitting in front of looking back at her.

” You take us away too.” she said to the faint outline of Mayor Ferndale.

” It’s for the best Emalee Cupid. You’ll see, it’s all for the best.”

Is Saying Amen Still PC?

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So.

 God.

How’s everything little thing with you?

Me?

Well… in case you haven’t noticed I haven’t been talking to you much lately.

 That’s because I’ve been really busy enjoying the Train Wreck that is the world of American Politics

We’re getting close to a ” Lord Of The Flies “ type situation down here so I am totally into the entire experience. I’m just waiting for the tribes to attack each other.

I’m just wondering if in the end people like me will be relevant anymore.

According to the hate mail I’ve gotten recently the answer is

‘no’.

Some of my ‘enlightened sisters’ are really really mad because I’ve joined another tribe and they’re getting ready to cut my head off and stick it on a pole and run it up and down the streets of Ohio.

Anyway….

When I’m not all wrapped up in this new Reality Show

Called

Hills And Barry

( ahem )

I’m amusing myself with dumb stuff on the Internet like:

 

Games

My favorite are the Holiday Hangman Series.

They’re up to

ST PATRICKS DAY HANGMAN

I can’t wait for Easter.

I’m expecting Great Things from these guys.

 

After that I look for cool pictures to send to my friends and family.

 Of course they never acknowledge getting them so I’m not sure if they’re appreciated. I figure I’ll just keep sending them until they start screaming stop like little babies :

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photo

Shamelessly Hijacked from b3ta

Oh and I listen to cool music like this:

 

And sometimes I find these stories where what’s between the lines

is much more interesting than what’s actually on them.

The ultimate burn you gesture is in this story.

PS.

Don’t ask me about the TV show mentioned in the story- it’s about Vampires.

I hate Vampire stories- I never watch them on TV and I never read them.

They Suck.

Ha ha ha.

 

Well God Oh Mighty.

While I can still say it

ahhmennnn.

ps 

Just Wondering God:

 if things change will I have to say

OHWIMEN????

 

 

 

PURE

for my friends  

good luck to you all

because I have no doubt in my heart you are true in what you

believe

and I admire that.

amm

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You will never have the perfect President

be it a Man or a Woman

Republican Or Democrat

because they are not PURE

You will never have a Political Philosophy that

is

durable and forever

because Politics

is not PURE

No one will be able to write a book or champion a cause or start a movement

that will save the world

because no action is PURE.

People are flawed and vain and unreliable and unpredictable

nothing we do will ever be Pure

Because We Are Human.

Political Pointers From The Bones

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I do a lot and I mean A LOT of Political work- it sort of consumes every freaking spare minute of my life- and I have learned that unless you keep things uncomplicated in this process you will wake up one day and find you have aged over overnight and are now friendless.

So here are a few pointers I keep in mind in order to keep things simple.

Pointer #1

DO NOT TALK SMACK ABOUT THE OTHER SIDE.

Got it?

Don’t do it!

Nobody likes a whinny little b*&^ and the minute you go there I promise you will convert nobody- and that’s what you want- as many people on your side as possible.

That business about destroying the other side? Oh sure, that’s going to be great when you need- and trust me you WILL need their support later.

Pointer #2

If your team is ahead it’s time to act gracious and thank those lucky stars for being where you are because at any minute those stars could turn into flaming meteors and end up crashing into a cow pasture somewhere.

Pointer #3

The Media is not your friend. 

Look.

The people in my life who should know that the media aren’t really doing news but STORIES are all writers. Yeah, I’m lost on that too because writers know that in a story you have to have a beginning a middle and an end. You need Villains and Heroes and all that stuff and if you want specifics buy yourself one of those ‘how to’ books about writing.

Oh, this is a good example.

Remember in the movie Jaws?

One guy says that all sharks do is swim around, eat and make baby sharks.

Well, all the media does is tell swim around, eat and try to find a story you’ll buy.

It really is as simple as that.

Those are my pointers.

So.

 Be Civil.

 If you’re the one doing all the talking you’re probably not listening and if you find yourself TELLING someone to support your candidate  instead of ASKING you need to chill out.

That’s it.

See you at the Ballot Box

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amm

HEY! FOX U!

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Comedian Lee Camp did on the set of FOX News in less then three minutes what the entire FOX NEWS Machine has not been able to do in little over 10 years

He told the truth….

LINKS:

LEE CAMP’S SITE HERE

FAIR ( Fairness and Accuracy In Reporting ) SITE HERE

 Rupert Murdoch's War on Journalism SITE HERE