There are 25 reasons living in Mountlake Terrace is Fun.
Humour
Is Googling The Bible A Sin?
You’re testing me God…I know you are. Like you want to see how fair and compassionate and forgiving and all Churchy with my fellow human beings I’ve been.
I’ll confess straight up.
I’m going to lose, but what the Hell…you gotta forgive me for blowing it because it’s in the rules. Okay, I didn’t learn the rules in Sunday School, I googled them.
So there.
Hey as an FYI is Googling The Bible A Sin?
Oh, at this stage of them game who cares.
Let’s get started, shall we?
Dear God
This week was chock-full-o nuts and I managed to crunch into every single one on the tooth that I chipped back in 1985 when that drunk lady hit my car.
First up you threw the racists right at me as I was cruising down the highway of life.
So you ask did I forgive and move on?
Well…come on you know I didn’t.
There was this Anti-Mexican Group that protested in Seattle because they think that Mexico wants to invade the United States and Canada and that from there they plan on taking over the world.
Of course there was a Counter Protest and in the course of events-
Beer Cans and Water Balloons were thrown by Counter Protestors.
I don’t know which set me off the water balloons or beer cans.
Like were the balloons full of beer
or not?
Just curious.
I mean either or, the result was very chuckleicious.
And then of course I must’ve taken your name in vain about a million times in ten seconds after hearing that this bridge here in Washington collapsed as a flatbed truck carrying an excavator drove across it.
I know it was like a sign from you. But the thing is I’m not sure what the sign meant.
I’m willing to chalk that one up to one of those God Mysteries and walk away from it.
And I know how amused you are by the local stuff from the County I live in otherwise weird stuff like this wouldn’t keep happening:
Like there was a LONNGGGG newspaper story about what it’s like to work in McDonalds.
Here it is in short form:
In the Service Industry you get treated like a Servant.
That sucks.
End of story.
They must pay per word at the Herald.
Mountlake Terrace made it into Wikipedia. You did that right? I mean, who the Hell else would pull a stunt like that? Oh wait….yeah that figures.
So there it is God, at every turn I had a chance to float above it all and make you proud. Instead, I sprayed Pam on the my sled and shot my way straight down every single slope you put me on top of.
It was darn fine ride.
At any rate I want to see how you top this week.
You have your work cut out for you, but I guess you know that.
So that’s it for now
See you next Sunday and……
Amen
Wow That SUX!
this is an I.B. Special
SUX TO BE YOU REPORT
When I was in the fourth grade I laughed at a kid who tripped in the lunch line.
My teacher decided to make an example out of me and I had to write on the blackboard 500 times
” I will not laugh at the misfortune of others. “
I learned my lesson….and I ignored Darren ( who I blamed for the ‘blackboard incident ) until one day he and his Mom show up at my front door and Darren is all emotional and hurt because
” Anita won’t talk to me anymore and I don’t know why “
Over 30 years later and I still have to pay attention to Darren.
But that’s another story.
Today I laughed at the misfortune of another person…and I laughed so much I’ll be standing at that blackboard until the Flying Monkeys come home….
go on read this true story and you’ll see why.
The owner of the Psychic Experiences shop says she had a feeling something bad was about to happen to the signs outside her store. Monday night, an arsonist set fire to signs that said “Tarot card reading — $20” and “Open.”
Police said they have no suspects. Evans said she doesn’t, either.
i will not laugh at the misfortunes of others…
but this time I think I will
Sorry Mr Olson- you Blackboard Fascist
You Did Not Say That!
I’ve kept a list of the questions that I’ve gotten into trouble for
asking
I thought I’d post them because today
was way to quiet
and
after the week I’ve had
I’m sort of missing the Legions of Hell snapping at my backside so….
! HERE THEY ARE !
What does it feel like to be a conjoined twin?
If your eye pops does it ooze out onto your face
or into your brain?
When a cannibal gets something stuck
in their teeth do they eat it
or spit it out?
Does a human kidney taste the same as a sheep’s kidney?
If you see a plunger at sewage treatment plant
should you be worried?
So
there they are…the little questions that have kept me out of the
better social circles.
Bumbo 3 Preview and Debut
Just when I’d given up….
IT RETURNS!
( preview below )
And just in case you need to catch up with us cool kids:
You can see the Bumbo Collection HERE
God IS Funny
Well Hello There!
You came by to go to Church with Anita?
Anita The I.B. Writer?
Are you kidding?
I thought she was banned…oh she prays on line.
I get it.
Well she’s not here,
Look, she left a note- you want to read it?
Yeah, she wrote it on the wall in purple crayon…she’s been in a mood this week.
Right…I know, I know it says ” God ” but she’s been looking at everyone and saying, ” God ” or ” Jesus Christ “- so you know I’m sure it’s okay.
Dear God
I thought you might be dropping by for a Chat.
To be honest I haven’t even thought about
what made this long freaking week you cursed me with
a good one.
I know that I’m good for a laugh now and then God
but for once,
I’d like somebody else to be the butt of your jokes.
Oh wait….you know…I guess you DID have some fun
with someone else…
like with these guys:
By KOMO Staff
SKAMANIA COUNTY, Wash. — Seven of the ten county sheriff’s deputies who spent Saturday night stranded on Dog Mountain has been successfully rescued, according to the Skamania County Sheriff’s Office.
The men had become stranded on the rugged gorge terrain after becoming disoriented while pulling thousands of marijuana plants from a grow on the east side of Dog Creek, 10 miles east of Stevenson, Undersheriff David Cox said.
And really God did you think it was funny when that guy in Prosser got bit by the rattlesnake after he chopped it’s head off?
I mean, that’s just warped.
And then this guy says, “It still gives me the creeps to think that son-of-a-gun could do that,” he said.
I didn’t laugh at that God, but I’ll bet you did.
And then there was this story in our Local Paper
where the burning question was
” Should Your Spouse Go (to your highschool) Reunions “
and really God
the obvious answer is
“Only if they don’t want you to be going to their Funeral
in the upcoming weeks.”
Funny God
Har, Har, Har.
Okay God…it’s true Prayer is good for the Soul
I just figured out you didn’t spend all week picking on me.
So you might want to check your toothpaste God.
SOMEBODY may have replaced it with a tube of hemroid cream
SORRY
I mean
See you next Sunday
( if I don’t get turned into a pillar of salt before then )
AND
Amen
Reality Blows Along Lake Union
Over the weekend there was this big secret event being staged at a public park ( which wasn’t going to be a Public Park for this event ) in Seattle, Washington and it was the talk of the town.
What was the secret?
A Wedding Party
A big Wedding Party for a big businessman and may he and his bride have a great life together but….
Geeze
THAT WAS THE BIG FREAKING SECRET?
So to try and put some air back into that big wonderful mysterious balloon that floated over the Puget Sound over the weekend
I’ve decided to tell my own story about what happened at
Enjoy:
From The Dark Waters of Lake Union
they arrived at the abandoned park just before sundown
members of the Wedding Party
and their Guests
who were followed in by the Bride and Groom
You wish them well…DON’T YOU?
Wouldn’t that have been a story to have read about? I think so.
Oh well.
Maybe next time…..
HUMANS NEED NOT ATTEND
By KOMO Staff
SEATTLE – A mysterious party planned for Saturday at Gas Works Park is the talk of the town.
Gas Works neighbors have been watching 60 planners transform the park for the expected 300 guests, and the question on everyone’s mind: who’s throwing the party?
GO ON TAKE A GUESS…
HERE ARE SOME OF MINE:
PINHEAD
FROM THE HELLRAISER MOVIES
PINHEAD
FROM THE HELLRAISER MOVIES
PINHEAD FROM THE HELLRAISER MOVIES
AND WON’T EVERYONE BE SURPRISED
Irregular Notes From An Irregular Mind
I have a great collection of post it notes that I keep in my journal (it’s made of paper and I actually WRITE in it). Some of them are funny, some are warped, and some could get me sued so I thought I’d share them here.
amm
To be attached to a flaming arrow and air mailed to that guy:
Your dog doesn’t hate black people, you do. Quit saying that.
I mean it.
However, my Cat DOES hates you and if you keep trying to pet him he’s going to chew your fingers off and then how will you be able to give the finger to that nice Mexican family that everyone likes except for you?
Think about it
Notes to my friends:
YES YES YES the story about the woman who committed suicide around Halloween of 2005 by hanging herself at the side of the road and was mistaken for a Halloween decoration is true.
Stop asking me if when I die I want to be mistaken for a Halloween Decoration too- you warped little monkeys.
You all better hope there really is nothing to the art of Zombification because I have a candidate list all drawn up and here it is….
Ha.
As if.
In regards to my hometown:
It’s true, if you google Mountlake Terrace and look through the pictures of my fair town you’ll find this picture mixed in with pictures of churches and trees and houses for sale and a baby in a flowerbed.
Figures.
Parasitic Mite on Earwig Pincher –
Next Up…I’ll do a post about the calls that get left on my answering machine.
You’re going to love it.
amm
An I.B. Screaming- I mean Screening
The Management…that’s Anita
wants this to go out as
a
PSA
the guys who normally do the PSA’s
are hiding.
They’ll pay for that.
Count on it.
Anyway…
She says this is art
and fine film making
and needs to be shared with the world.
Kill Me God.
Now.
Irregular Bones 
