It’s A Song.
It’ll make people crazy in like 3 minutes.
Swear to God.
…….you’re all going to check it out, aren’t you?
Thought So.
Some people didn’t have to spend the New Years in Bed watching tv ( okay, there’s a Twilight Zone and CSI Marathon going on so I’m not exactly busted up over that) because they’re sick.
Other people actually got to have fun….
Check it out:
This is how some people saw 2008 in- this bar was built of Ice…I SO would have gone here myself.
See more New Years pictures at BBC page HERE
*
This happened in Seattle- right in Bill ” Microsoft’s ” Gate’s backyard…God I love stories like these:
Fireworks explode off the top of the Space Needle, bringing in 2008, as seen from a condo complex on lower Queen Anne. Delays due to a computer glitch lengthened the show, according to a Space Needle spokeswoman. Ultimately, the show had to be executed manually, but it was out of sync with the accompanying music. In 14 years, this is the first such problem.
WHEREAS Anita Marie spent 2007 writing about how much fun you can have in a graveyard, revenge, corruption of the human spirit, monsters, demons and ghosts
WHEREAS Anita Marie spent her free time in 2007 talking to two Mummies at Curio Shop in Seattle
WHEREAS Anita Marie is planning to put together her own Fiji Mermaid when she should be planning things like how to deal with things like oncoming traffic
WHEREAS Anita Marie spends way to much time mapping out a ski route through two local cemeteries and curses the Universe and whoever is in charge of it every-time the snow reports turn out to be bogus
WHEREAS the first vacation Anita Marie has taken in over 10 years is to a UFO festival in New Mexico in order to carry out a brilliant plan
THEREFORE Be it Resolved: Anita needs to have a little less fun in 2008
Happy New Year!
moar cute puppy pictures
Yesterday my family were sitting around the old Christmas Tree, eating the Candy, finishing off the turkey and telling stories with Christmas Music playing in the background- all that was missing was Tiny Tim asking God to Bless us all.
But that old fashioned Christmas feeling was sort of shot to the North Pole on a Yule Log because at least four of my family members were sending text messages to their friends.
I choose my victim- which thank you Baby Jesus was my little Brother-and I start giving him a hard time about being a slave to his Phone and he says how he’s just starting to get the hang of this text messaging thing so he has to practice.
It’s like learning another language, he tells me, and if you don’t practice you could really embarrass yourself like he did a few months ago
when….
” You know what happened when I started this text thing Cheeto La Frito? ( that’s his nickname for me) I couldn’t get those letters right. It was weird I’d get these letters all strung together that made no sense so I wouldn’t answer. I even took my phone back because I thought something was wrong with it.”
” Anyway, I was dating this girl and we were supposed to meet for dinner and I’m at the restaurant when she sends me this text message that her Grandmother had died.
Well, I couldn’t think of anything to write back so I just sent her my love. “
” And….”
” Well, I thought I’d use the new lingo and typed in my love. “
” Uh-huh.”
” Lots of it.”
” I should hope so.” I told him.
” So I texted back LOL.”
OMG.
I hope your Christmas was just as fun(nny)
amm
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!
For serveral years I believed my family Christmas Gatherings on the whole were trauma and drama free- or so I thought until I decided to write my own version of ” The Twelve Days of Christmas”.
And then I started to remember things like the time I went on a bike ride in the snow covered with Chicken Pox. And how on another Christmas I convinced my little Sister ( let’s see she was about five at the time) we found her floating in Greenlake in a basket just like Baby Moses and how if Santa found out he was probably going to take her presents to her real house so she shouldn’t count on getting anything at MY family’s house that Christmas.
Oh and there that Christmas Eve I hid all of my brother’s socks and underwear- we were older at the time – like 19 and 18 or something. But watching him toss a hissy fit over a bunch of lost underwear was worth all the threats of bodily harm my Mom was threatening to do to me if I didn’t give his stuff back right now That Christmas Eve is one of my most precious memories.
No it did not send him into counseling- at least I don’t think so.
And of course there was that time when I was about 13 when my dog Sham -who was this giant Malamute snatched the turkey off the counter where it was cooling and after I got it back from him me and my brother and sister had to put it back together because we tore it almost in half when we pulled it out of Sham’s jaws.
Talk about team work- not only did get that thing put back together we did it without our parents knowing- which of course probably isn’t the case at all but what the hey- it was probably the quietest the three of us had been since our Christmas Vacation from school had started a week before.
My parents were into ‘be grateful for small blessings’ mindset.
Let’s see- oh sure, there was that other time I took all of the chocolate covered cherries and drained the juice out of them- and for the rest of the night everyone complained about ‘that box of defective Cherry Cordials’ and how only OUR family could be unlucky enough to get it.
That box of candy still represents our family as the Underdog Champs of the world.
And then there was that year me and my brothers and sister and cousins performed a concert for our families.
We stood on the stairs just like the kids in the Brady Bunch and song meaningful heartfelt songs like Working On A Chain Gang, Teen Angel and my own personal favorite Goodnight Irene.
That ‘ concert and the songs were my idea- and if there was ever a Kodak moment in the history of photography the look on all of those faces as they watched us sing by the glow of the Christmas Tree was one of them.
So honest- there wasn’t a lot of trauma or drama and looking back on it you could have done worse then us – given how many of us there were and how all of us were so different from each other ( okay and the rest of the human race ) all of these things could have been the stuff of holiday disasters.
But they weren’t.
We always had a good time and I’ll bet that after reading this a few people will be awfully glad they’ve got the families they have.
So.
We All Win.
Merry Christmas
Count on my Heroes Mark and Mark at Weird New Jersery to find their own special way to celebrate the Holidays- you know, in their own special way:
ENJOY
To See Bumbo 111 click HERE
On the tenth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
Who has an allergy attack during the dead of winter- when there is snow on the ground and nothing has blossomed or bloomed- in months?
Why me of course.
I was always coming down with something either on Christmas Eve (mumps age 6) or Christmas Day (chicken pox age 10). That’s to say nothing of the sprained ankles from falling out of trees and sliding off roof tops (hey, if you can figure out how to get around on those things when they’re covered with ice and snow feel free to share it with the rest of us) around Thanksgiving.
So just before Christmas at age 28 I’m in my kitchen making a snack for my kids and their cousins were visiting for the afternoon.
I had decided on apple slices and caramel dip.
I’m a great fan of this caramel sauce that you can dip fruit into and I was perfectly willing to bust into my secret stash because I figured if the kids were eating this caramel and apple snack they wouldn’t be able to talk and I could have a little peace and quiet.
Actually, at this point in the day I would have settled for one or the other.
Anyway, I was slicing up the apple when I sneezed- and then my eyes started to itch and I started sneezing some more and couldn’t stop. It came on so fast that I never even had the chance to turn my head.
So I ended up sneezing all over the apple slices
Brother.
I look around, take the cutting board with the apples slices on it and rinse it under the faucet- and while the water is running I decided to take an allergy pill.
When I’m done I turn around with the cutting board and nearly walk into one of the little cousins who tell me, ” My Mom says I’m not allowed to eat the skin off the apples. So you have to cut it off.”
” Why? ” I ask.
” Because it’s easy for kids to choke on apple skins.”
I’ll be darned- ” I did not know that. ” I told him.
” It’s true so you HAVE to cut off the skin.”
And he starts to dance around my kitchen chanting ‘ cut off the skin.’
Well he’s making so much noise that the other kids rush into the kitchen and before I know it I have this mob of 6-8 year old boys waving their arms around and chanting ‘ cut off the skin, cut off the skin’
It was about then that the allergy medicine kicked in- it was this stuff that you could get from the doctor that didn’t make you sleepy the way allergy medicine did. One of the more interesting ( but rare ) side effects was that it could jack your heart rate up enough to make your teeth rattle and that’s what it did to me.
So I was a little distracted and that’s probably why the knife slipped while I was peeling the apple skin and I sliced open my finger from my palm all the way to the tip.
I held my hand up and blood just sort of poured from my hand all the way down my arm to my elbow. Look, I was a mortician I wasn’t used to seeing active bleeding so I held my hand up, looked into the cut and determined I was in trouble.
But who was in the next room playing video games and had just come back from his final first aid classes that very morning?
A family member- a family member who knew what to do with actual bleeding…and lots of it- he had shown us the certificate to prove it.
I sent one of the kids to get their Uncle and he walked out took one look at my cut and his eyes rolled up into his head and he fainted.
He didn’t just faint he whacked his head but good on the kitchen counter before he hit the floor and that kathunk noise he made?
That wasn’t good.
You know what else isn’t good?
Having your family pull up to your house where their kids are and there’s a fire truck an aid car and an ambulance all lined up just waiting to do their duty.
One of my family members rushes in and wants to know what happened and I hold up my finger.
” All of this for that?” she asks.
Just then they wheel my Hero out on the stretcher and his head is encased in this brace that looks like a big yellow block with blue Velcro straps.
I knew he was pretending to be unconscious when they went by.
All I can think to say is ” I got the turkey in.” I point to the oven.
” Plus she cut the skin off our apples because you can choke to death on that you know.” says one of the kids.
From this crowd of people my Sister asks slowly, ” did you stuff the turkey with that? ” she points to my finger.
” No I used my feet. “
The silence was deafening
I had to drive myself to the hospital.
Only 3 more days until I reach
The Inner Circle of Hell
CHRISTMAS.
Irregular Bones 