Ma’am- Put Your Hands Up And Step Away From The Cookbooks

From Drug Addiction to theft Cindy ” McInsane ” McCain Wife of Keating Five Member  and Republican Presumptive Nominee John ” McInsane ” McCain has once again been accused of recipe theft.

” It wasn’t my fault ” said the former Addict in her kitchen to this reporter, ” I told my kitchen help to please FAX the recipes that I do enjoy making for my family to the journalist that I was working with and the cookie one was the only one written in English. All the rest were written in Spanish. “

In a totally unrelated incident yesterday, every single Mexican in the state of Arizona was deported ( story on next page )

 

Yay For Science Fiction!

I love Science.

I love to write Fiction.

So.

That means…

I love to make fun of Science Fiction…



actually I didn’t make this I found it at:::

b3ta

So One Day I’m Walking By This Mental Hospital….

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, ’13…13….13…13.’

(Yeah, I know, you are surprised that I was on the OUTSIDE)

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the
planks and looked through to see what was going on.

Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick.

Then they all started shouting. ’14…14…14…14….’.

The Panty Bandits

So.

In Colorado these two robbers wore panties ( well…Thongs to be precise ) over their faces ( well noses I guess ) in an attempt to disguise themselves during an armed robbery.

Hey, I’m surprised that a guy who would wear a panty on his face would carry a gun during an armed robbery…if I had to put a weapon into the hand of a Panty Bandit it would be one of those fake Lasar Blasters or Rifle Blasters that they use Battlestar Galactica.

But you know.

 it is a brilliant plan.

( The Thong part )

If a guy was wearing a thong on his face while robbing you well…come one could you ID him?

Didn’t think so.

a.m.

2 thong-facemask robbery suspects in custody

Surveillance video shows two robbers wearing thongs for masks.

Story

HERE

What The World Needs

I’ve figured it out.

I know what would make the world a better place.

A more interesting place.

The world needs more Crab Jokes.

That’s what it needs.

a.m.

 

 

 

crabby humor from b3ta

That’s What I Said

 

Viagra was invented in the town of Merthyr Tydfil, Wales.

“Sphenopalatineganglioneuralgia” is a medical term for ailment known as “brain freeze.”

A recent study showed that as many as 16 million people alive today, about .5% of the population of Earth, are descendants of Genghis Khan.

I Consider the following to be HILARIOUS

Squirrel Wars

 “And lo, God named the Zodiac…”

Questions to Ponder

 

So many stupid questions, so little time. Just in case you DO have the time, here are a few questions you might take the time to ponder.

Why is “phonics” not spelled the way it sounds?

If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?

If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Why isn’t 11 pronounced “onety-one”?

You can be overwhelmed and underwhelmed, but why can’t you be simply whelmed?

Shouldn’t the opposite of shut up be shut down?

If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?

How come there aren’t B batteries?

If you got in a cab and the driver drove backwards, would he end up owing you money?

Why is the word for “a fear of long words,” hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, so long?

quote-left.gif (159 bytes)
Why do they call it a TV “set” when you only get one?

How do “Do not walk on the grass” signs get there?

If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

How do you remove a club soda stain?

 

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you’re just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

How do people get discombobulated? Have you ever seen someone who was combobulated?

Who closes the door when the bus driver gets off?

Who Are You Again?

I sent this to my Mom.

She called and said:

” Oh…I forgot I had two daughters- I haven’t heard from you for so long. I remember though- you’re my not funny girl”

ahem.

 

Steal This Youtube Clip

hijacked from:::

the pen is mightier than the spork

blah blah blah, missing scientist, blah blah blah, atom bomb