Over at my other blog people have been looking for stories and pictures about
and they’re coming here looking for
” Immagrants ” ( spell check people! use spell check!)
and
hmmm………
the world is a strange strange place
Fun Stuff
Rise And Shine Darn You!
Today’s Bee’s Knees Award goes to Lori G for sending this around.
For A Good Time Call…
Hi God!
Betch’a missed me round the old Pearly Gates..ha, just kidding.
Like I’d hang out there- that Velvet Rope stuff is so elitist…
Instead I’ve been learning about what happens when the gene pool gets to shallow
so here we go
today I’m putting some of it in
GOD CHAT
Lord I wonder if you understand that if you want to scare people into being good you shouldn’t make them laugh…
When I was a kid my Mom used to threaten to spank us with this wooden spoon- which was pretty funny because she wasn’t into that spanking gig, plus by the time I was 10 I was five inches taller then her and my brother was this low functioning dweeb that would laugh at anything so the entire discipline thing sort of fell apart when she’d start screaming in her Hawaiian accent about how bad we were.
She sounded like one Betty Boop on speed.
So anyway God…if you want me to marvel at your works ( and not snicker ) don’t create people like the lot in Oregon ( God I do love those guys down there ) who ran around stealing Garden Gnomes and then they put all of gnomes ( all 75 ) on one lawn.
The Police took the Gnomes into custody…and if you’re missing one you can check their website- oh and just to show you this is real here’s the report and the pictures of the…um, victims- though the person who woke up to find these things staring into their windows will probably be in therapy for a very long time
SPRINGFIELD POLICE DEPARTMENT
( hey that’s the town THE SIMPSONS are from!
amm )
______________________________________________________________________________
INCIDENT: CASE # Criminal Mischief/Found Property 07-10284
DATE/ TIME: 10/17/07 @ 1743 hours
LOCATION: ( deleted by amm )
______________________________________________________________________________
NARRATIVE OF INCIDENT: A resident of the Thurston area of Springfield called the Police on 10/17/07 to report that someone had placed numerous lawn ornaments in the yard of the residence sometime the previous evening. A Community Service Officer responded to the location and found approximately seventy five lawn ornaments placed in an orderly manner on and around the front lawn. These lawn ornaments were primarily animal and gnome type figurines and were likely taken from other residences at various times.
Springfield Property control personnel would like to return those items to the owners and have decided the most efficient way to do this would be to place photographs of the various ornaments on the Springfield Police web site, www.ci.springfield.or.us\police\media.htm.
If you received this by FAX and not e-mail, you may obtain photos by calling 726-3721
FOR ADDITIONAL INFORMATION CONTACT: Capt. Richard Harrison 726-3721
NEWS RELEASE COMPLETED BY: Brent Carpenter 726-2326
Now there’s a lot you gave us here to be thankful for in the Pacific Northwest Lord…and I look high and low for these things every day. I’m inclined to look low because you know…that’s the way I am.
This was a tough call though like is it high or lowbrow news?
See years ago I was in this accident on the freeway and the person who got their first was a Washington State Patrolman with freckles and he looked just like Ron Howard back when he was on ” Happy Days “.
I didn’t laugh at the way his voice cracked, or the way he called me ” Ma’am ” . Nope what got me was the little bow tie that’s part of the Washington State Patrol Uniform.
I think the guy on the Maytag Commericials wears the same one.
Anway.
I tried so hard not to laugh God…but I did.
And then I made up an excuse for my outburst of rapid fire snickers and snorts that shot snot straight out of my nose and all over my windshield.
I said I’d hit my head.
Okay it was a lie and I paid for it because as soon as that came out of my mouth everyone who was showing up ‘ at the scene ‘ took it very seriously. For me it was a night of X-Rays and being woken up every couple of hours to be asked if I knew what my name was.
So today I find out our Washington State Patrol…just look:
OLYMPIA, Wash. – It’s a look that lead-foot drivers know all too well: the crisp black bow tie and blue “Smokey Bear” hat of a Washington State Patrol trooper. And according to a national trade group, the outfits are the best-looking state police uniforms in the country
Quit toying with me God.
Okay, this deserves some sort of divine retribution on your part and I’m talking real Fire and Brimstone action on your part ( may I remind you that you only promised to not flood anybody anymore…I checked ).
The city of Mountlake Terrace is making a man scuttle a pirate ship he built for his kids in his yard.
According to our ahem our ” Code Enforcement Officers ” ( no I did NOT make that up…that’s what they’re called) it violates city building codes.
Heaven help us- it’s a Pirate Ship and unless it sails down the middle of the street and runs over one of my cats I don’t care what anyone puts in…
their own yard.
Especially if it’s something as awesome as a Pirate Ship….at least it’s not a giant garden gnome ( sorry…sorry….couldn’t resist ).
So there it is God….this is what you created right in front of my nose this week…other people may wonder why I pay attention to this and talk to you about it…
But what can I say- I love a good sense of humor.
Keep up the good works
See ya round
and
ahmmmennnn
Let’s Take A Ride
This is one of those songs that makes me glad to have ever been a musician…I used to sing and play this as loud as I could
plus it’s pretty uplifting.
So how’s about it?
Care to join me
on
The Rumbleseat?
John C Mellencamp
All the leaves are green
All my friends are gone
I’m livin’ in my hometown
I can barely get along
I feel sorry for myself
That’s an easy thing to do
I feel sorry for the world
I feel sorry for you
Yes I am a pitiful sight
I can’t even get one thing right
CHORUS:
I know just what it’s like
To be ridin’ in the rumbleseat
Yes I know just what it’s like
To be a big time rider in the rumbleseat
Well I could have a nervous breakdown
But I don’t believe in shrinks
I should be drunker than a monkey
But I don’t like to drink
Call up some girls
But I’m afraid of the phone
I’m always talkin’ to myself
I guess I’m never alone
Am I the only one that feels this way
I’d buy myself some stylish clothes
But I sure hate to pay
CHORUS:
I know just what it’s like
To be ridin’ in the rumbleseat
Yes I know just what it’s like
To be a big time rider in the rumbleseat
The sun is coming up
Just goin’ to bed
I combed my hair with my pillow
Still got some dreams left
Tomorrow is a new day
Gonna make these dreams come true
I’m gonna believe in myself
I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do
I’m gonna stop puttin’ myself down
I’m gonna turn my life around
I’ll be ridin’ high
With my feet kicked up in the rumbleseat
Yeah we’ll go for a drive
And we’ll be singin’ shotgun from that rumbleseat
Yes I’ll blow you a kiss
And we’ll be ridin’ big time in my rumbleseat
Laughs For Lexophiles
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a
rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all
right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his
work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at
large.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve mo! nths. < BR>
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened
criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
We’ll never run out of math teachers because they alway s multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky
ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count
that votes.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in! motion .
If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum
Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
A calendar’s days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you’ve seen one shopping center yo! u’ve se en a mall.
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa’s h elpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
Look What I Dug Up!
Tomorrow, Saturday, November 3, WNJ’s own Joanne Austin and Ryan Doan will be signing their book Weird Hauntings: True Tales of Ghostly Places, at the Barnes & Noble store in Howell from 2 to 4 PM. The store is located on the northbound side of Route 9.
NOW HERE’S A TASTE….READ THIS BOOK…IN THE DARK…I DARE YOU
amm
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It’s Universal
The Bee’s Knees Award Goes To….
TONY LA STELLA
!!!! MY FAVORITE SINGER !!!!
HE’S GOT ONE HECK OF A VOICE
HE’S COOL
HE SINGS SWING MUSIC
PLUS
HE’S ITALIAN
NEED I SAY MORE?
NASA RULZ!
I always knew that those guys at NASA were way cool-
they explore space and ride around in rockets PLUS they don’t have a problem with women drivers.
Today I found out they even have sense of humor…because according to site meter someone from NASA visited my blog today…
they didn’t go for the Cat Litter Cake post…or God Chat or the very, very famous Bruce Campbell page…nope click here to see what they peeked at…….
Smart, brave and a sense of humor.
If NASA were a man I’d kiss him on the mouth.
amm
Recent tors by Location
| nasa.gov ? (U.S. Government) | ||
| National Aeronautics and Space Association) | ||
| National Aeronautics and Space Association | ||
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Hey Dawg I mean Gawd
Hey Big “G” look who stopped by for God Chat
…just messin’ with you Dawg.
Okay, here we go:
Hi God how’s your week been?
Mine has been boodles of fun-
First off this group that hates… Gays and Lesbians and Transgender people…oh and brown people and people who aren’t Christian Extremists like themselves and they probably even hate that cute little dog from the Taco commercials because they think he’s “illegal” came to Lynnwood, Washington to hold a rally.
There’s a good part God, there were more people OUTSIDE protesting then there were people inside attending the meeting itself.
Somy friends and me stood outside and waved signs and had a good time supporting our community.
The best part was the cars with families that honked and waved and yelled good job.
My personal favorite was the guy who was driving this big truck that slowed down and yelled, “ Love for us all. “
The bad part is that one of the groups’ ‘leaders’ is involving himself in local politics.
Ahem.
Oh and Lord of Wonders, I know you love those stories about the Mountlake Terrace City Council- but I don’t have any new ones. Don’t get all high and mighty on me, that divine intervention thing is in your department.
Now Lord, there this woman who wants people to celebrate a sugar free Halloween– that’s the kind of thinking that should get you assigned to the short bus and we both know it. Don’t think I’m letting this Halloween thing go- if Church people aren’t trying to make it ‘Church Friendly’ then Granola Heads are trying to make it healthy.
What next? Will we have to worry about Valentines coming under attack because the disembodied hearts remind people of human sacrifice and temple steps in South America drenched with blood….and heyyyyy….
No- if I mess with that one, every Jeweler and chocolate manufacturer in the on the planet will be after me.
And last but not least, if you forgive me for having bad thoughts about you for letting my cat die, then I’ll forgive you for the fact that the Halloween Monster Fest on AMC really, really sux this year.
Pax?
Good.
Take Care
See you way later
And
Ahhhhemennnn
Irregular Bones 
