It’s A Song.
It’ll make people crazy in like 3 minutes.
Swear to God.
…….you’re all going to check it out, aren’t you?
Thought So.
Fun Stuff
2008 Resolved
WHEREAS Anita Marie spent 2007 writing about how much fun you can have in a graveyard, revenge, corruption of the human spirit, monsters, demons and ghosts
WHEREAS Anita Marie spent her free time in 2007 talking to two Mummies at Curio Shop in Seattle
WHEREAS Anita Marie is planning to put together her own Fiji Mermaid when she should be planning things like how to deal with things like oncoming traffic
WHEREAS Anita Marie spends way to much time mapping out a ski route through two local cemeteries and curses the Universe and whoever is in charge of it every-time the snow reports turn out to be bogus
WHEREAS the first vacation Anita Marie has taken in over 10 years is to a UFO festival in New Mexico in order to carry out a brilliant plan
THEREFORE Be it Resolved: Anita needs to have a little less fun in 2008
Happy New Year!
We Are Easily Amused
moar cute puppy pictures
Ready…Set…Bumbo- The Outtakes!
To See Bumbo 111 click HERE
On The Ninth Day
We Are Not Amused
On the ninth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
When I was 9 and my Sister was 6 my ‘job’ was to walk up to the Recreation Pavilion and bring her home from Ballet Class.
Sometimes I’d get their early and I’d sit in the back of the room with an ice cream cone and a black eye or an Eskimo Pie and bruised shins or a Nestle Crunch Ice Cream bar and a sprained ankle and wait for class to be over.
Most of the time I was wearing my soccer Uniform- complete with muddy cleats.
My Sister’s Dance lessons my practice day never took place on the same day- I just liked that look the Dance Teacher had on her face when I walked in.
I know what you’re thinking- but I didn’t mind watching the kids dance because they were tiny and funny looking – what I really hated was the Dance Teacher.
When she talked she’d lift her chin up so you could practically see straight up into her nostrils and for some reason wherever I was standing or whatever I was doing she’d be right there digging her little fingers into my shoulders and asking me to move.
Well one day I show up and all the little Ballet Kids are out of their minds with excitement because they’re going to be in a recital and they get to wear costumes-
I asked my Sister what they were going to do and she said something about Lakes and Butterflies.
” You know butterflies die during the winter. ” I told my sister.
It was December, so I figured my point was valid.
” Not at Swan Lake ” she says.
” Even there.”
My sister’s teacher comes by and hands me a list of materials that my Mom needs to get for my Sister’s costume and she tells me to make sure my Mom gets this list…. my Sister needs to be ready blah, blah, blah and when she’s done talking I ask what they’re going to be dancing and sure enough it’s Swan Lake.
Swan Lake with butterflies.
I asked, wouldn’t it be more fun if the little kids got to be ducks instead? You know, fluffy yellow chubby little baby ducks.
At least Ducks sounded like they belonged in a Dance about Swans I pointed out
” I want to be a Butterfly! ” my Sister says and a few other very concerned butterflies start to drift in our direction.
” There aren’t any butterflies at Swan Lake “
” There are now.” my Sister says- and she actually stamped her foot.
Right on top of mine.
I looked up at her Teacher and thought- you’re going to pay for that.
A few weeks later I go to get my Sister and I went early because it was their first dress rehearsal.
There were a lot of excited Parents- their daughters were about to become Ballerinas.
Oh boy.
And then they started the Dance.
I started laughing- I couldn’t help it because it was mostly the teacher and some of the older kids who got to dance.
All the kids in my sisters class sort of come out of nowhere in their little butterfly costumes and followed the big kids around in this rainbow conga line and then they danced off stage.
My sister was thrilled.
I was not thrilled.
My sister practiced those steps over and over- in the line at the supermarket, during recess at school (where she not only insisted I watch her, but all of my friends too) in front of the TV when I trying to watch it and everytime I put on a record she’d start her butterfly dance and you know- by then- this entire butterfly things was making me a little crazy.
She was only six and practicing her little legs off and that was it?
All that work so she could follow some junior high girls around and then sit for the next million hours watching them?
I had even heard that these girls were expecting to get flowers and their pictures taken- and what about the little butterflies? Especially the one I was living with?
Nothing.
Zilch.
What a rip off I thought to myself…what a cheat.
My sister says, ” You’re going to go, right? “
Like I had a choice.
” You’re going to stay and watch the whole thing, right? “
Oh brother.
And then she finished off with, ” don’t you think it’s great?”
” No. You know what would make it great?” I shout.
” No.” My Sister says- and by no she’s not asking the question she’s really telling me to shut up.
” Belly Dancers. ” I said at the tops of my lungs. ” Just like the ones in ‘ I Dream of Jeannie’
A few of the Dads nodded at each other and there were a few winks being dropped here an there so I saddled up and went to town.
Right there in front of a bunch of butterflies I start to Dance just like ” Jeannie” in the opening credits of my friend Janet’s favorite TV show. Me and Janet practiced those little moves everytime we watched the show and they rolled the opening credits.
We even ended the dance with this big eye blinking thing that ” Jeannie ” did after she popped back into her bottle
I was pretty good, if I don’t say so myself.
My Sister sort of shrugs and starts dancing around with me and then we start singing the theme song and when the other little butterflies and even some of the big girls joined in the Teacher smacks her hands together and makes them stop.
And then she looks straight at me and then points to the door.
So with my hands above my head I shimmy to the door and out to the hallway.
The teacher followed me and she nearly cut me in half when she slammed the door shut behind me.
But before she did I heard a little chorus of butterflies ask hopefully, ” Teacher, were there Belly Dancers at Swan Lake?”
Only 4 more days until I reach
The Inner Circle of Hell
CHRISTMAS.
My Name Is Bruce
Here it is!
The Trailer for the new Bruce Campbell Film
” My Name Is Bruce “
This should keep you happy until the full meal deal comes along.
Wow That’s Cold
Back in the 90’s my son ( who was about 13 at the time ) and his girlfriend went and saw the movie
” Titanic”
My son came home from his date, slammed a burrito into our microwave and demanded to know how long you could live in freezing cold water- like in the ocean.
” I don’t know- something like a half hour, not that you’ll know because I think you pass out after 10 or 15 minutes…why?”
” Because that stupid movie is two hours long and it takes that De Crappio hours…Mom….HOURS to die.”
I didn’t get it, ” Was he in the water for the entire movie? “
” I wish.” my son spat.
I’ll be honest, I never did see the movie…but who cares?
This version of ” The Titanic” looks MUCH more interesting.
amm
It Was Christmas And All I Got Were Birds
On The Third Day
We Toss Out The Left Overs
On the third day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
A few years ago my bus got caught in a snow storm and the going was slow.
S-L-O-W
So me and my friends told jokes, we told stories, we ate the Christmas Candy and food some of us had brought home from work parties that day.
Somebody busted into the wine bottle I had in my backpack (a gift from an oh-so generous Secret Santa) and someone else made a game out of the five of us drinking it without the other passengers catching on.
Oh Sure.
Nobody did.
Anyway.
Seeing that the other passengers were nervous about being stranded on the freeway and were openly worried about having to walk home or other such real and uncomfortable options me and my friends decided to cheer everybody up by telling stories at the top of our lungs
– about –
THAT TIME WE GOT STUCK ON THE BUS
The worst time was when there was a shooting, the gunman was loose on I-5 or was near it ( I forget the particulars ) so law enforcement shut the freeway down.
It was warm that day.
One of my bus friends decided after an hour or so to start talking about lakes and oceans and water fountains and Italian Sodas.
By the time he was done- (we remembered with hysterics) half the bus had to go to the bathroom, and we bet that the other half would have drank it.
AND THEN THERE WAS THAT OTHER TIME
The bus broke down and they promised that another bus was going to stop and get us…of course it didn’t and we watched it speed on by- but hurray! There was a second bus that came right up behind it about 15 minutes later and we thought it was going to pull in front of us so we could all get on.
Instead it stopped right along side of our bus.
I could see what was happening.
My brain locked.
” No.” I started to pound on the window like that kid in the horror film” Audrey Rose ” and I start yelling over and over ” No! For the love of God No!”
What is it? Everyone is asking me.
” It’s broken down…our rescue bus is BROKEN DOWN!”
AND WHAT ABOUT THAT TIME
We were stuck on the freeway because the Driver had called in and requested that someone come out and put chains on the bus because when the pavement is black and twinkling and big fluffy flakes are starting to fall, it’s safe to say that unless you’re a Polar Bear you probably shouldn’t be out there driving around without a little traction.
So thinking that no one was really listening except for my usual bus pals I told the story about that time me my friends and sneaked into this graveyard and built a massive snow fort and snow-people all around the grounds and how we even decorated one of the trees and how we later called the Funeral Home and blamed the entire mess on the college students who thought it was cool to hold seances and burn black candles on the headstones and things like that.
” Wow, you and your friends were evil little kids ” someone told me
and I said
” You know, like we did that two weeks ago. “
Ho Ho Ho
Only 10 more days until I reach
The Inner Circle of Hell
CHRISTMAS.
M.O.M To The Rescue!
The men of the 2008 ” Men of Mortuaries “ calendar are all funeral directors and morticians from across the U.S- and guess who found the only calander I’d consider giving to all of my friends this year?
Max did
Not only is the idea awesome all by itself- check out where the proceeds go:
The “Men of Mortuaries™” calendar produced by Kenneth McKenzie each year raises money that will help pay for necessities such as child care costs, groceries, and other expenses that would be a hardship for some undergoing radiation and chemotherapy treatments.
Check it out HERE
Irregular Bones 