As The Crow Flies

September 6, 2009September 6, 2009 / Anita Marie / Leave a comment

So here’s the big news.

Miley Ray Cyrus is safe.

She has a stalker and he’s been caught and he is going to face Felony Charges.

OH THANK YOU GOD THE POP PRINCESS IS SAFE.

That makes one safe kid in the world.

However, in Puyallup Washington some Middle School Kids are walking down a busy road with no sidewalks because their bus service has been cut.

Somebody made the decision that it was okay for these kids to dodge busy traffic to get to school because- wait for it.

Crows can fly the route.

: Would you let your kid walk this route in the dark to school in the dark at Six in the Morning? I’ll bet Miley’s Parents wouldn’t

That’s right kids get to play Dodge Truck at six in the morning in the dark because it’s been decided that if a crow can navigatge this route so can a child.

A human one.

Hey now, this crow thing may sound strange

but

at least Miley Ray Cryus is safe.

I guess we can feel good about that.

I do wonder though- how did HER parents get that Crow to circle her head?

King Five News Story with video clip of the route HERE

Day Two

December 13, 2008December 13, 2008 / Anita Marie / 6 Comments

:::: A Twelve Day Journey To Christmas Day-

Will Anita Marie Get Her Fiji Mermaid THIS Year?:::

Today

On Day Two

Readers Want To Know

Why the Hell Does This Woman want a Monkey/ Fish For Christmas?

: original Fiji Mermaid & P.T. Barnum

Last year my nephew, who was dieing went into the hospital sometime around Thanksgiving. A few weeks later he went into a hospice and before his birthday in July he died.

I think it was just before Christmas when we went to see him in the hospital.

He was blind by then, he could still talk a little and he was very aware of everything going on around him, so my sister-the famous Esther- and my adorable baby brother who nick named me Cheetoh- our spouses and parents and kids all crowded into Andy’s bedroom and did what we always do when we get together.

We laughed and told stories …

and then it started to snow.

I was reading Andy stories from my blogs and for awhile everyone left the room but they hung around the door and I think that if there was any one reason for me to have been a writer – it was for that moment.

Because my nephew was proud of me.

I told him about writers and artists I’ve met on line- he knew you- my friends there at The Soul Food Cafe- Heather and Lori, Cle, and Jane, Gail and Jill. I told him about Sylvia and Vi and Lois and Winnie.. I told him about Max and Kitty and how they wrote screenplays- he was a movie fanatic you know.

I told him about the funny things that people write and how serious they are about their work and how one day the story I’m writing about a Werewolf who wants to be a Magician will be a book one day.

And when I was done he said, ” Oh Wow.”

Those were the last words he ever spoke to me.

I remember it was snowing.

So, at this time of the year when things are so hard for everyone-when most of what I feel tonight is grief because it is snowing and it is cold

you may be wondering: why do I write about my quest my very own

Fiji Mermaid?

Because Andy would have got one for me- that’s why.

He’d think that something like a Fiji Mermaid would be the perfect thing for me to find under my tree on Christmas morning.

In fact, I’m sure he still does.

So because he can’t get me that ultimate gift.

I WILL find her for the both of us.

You just wait and see.

a.m.

December 2008

::: this music clip is here because Andy loved the California Raisins when he was a little boy- and we used to call each other ” Cab ” because of the opening lines in this video-we used to run them together for fun- plus we loved the song- so enjoy::::

clchr

Sometimes You Just Do It To Yourself

December 9, 2008 / Anita Marie / 7 Comments

santa-cookies

I’m not a hard person to shop for at Christmas- I don’t care about stuff, I just like opening the packages and being surprised.

Which means that I’m really hard to shop for because people think that I won’t say what I want…and when I do give it up and say what I want those same people think I’m kidding so these are the things that I have asked for and have never, ever received and probably never will.

Knives.

I wanted a set of those fancy knives that all good Cooks have in their kitchens.
I’m actually a great cook and I’d have to be because I use one knife and it’s never been sharpened. So really I can work miracles in the kitchen.

In case you’re curious

I will probably never get a set of knives from anyone I know because I write about people getting their heads chopped off… A LOT…oh and I was a Mortician.

And I have a temper.

I have asked and asked and ASKED again for a

Fiji Mermaid.

Yes I AM serious.

I think they’re cool.

And after 35+ years of asking I haven’t seen a Monkey /Fish toy, model, picture or keychain under my Christmas tree.

I suppose I will never get a Fiji Mermaid because- geeze I don’t know, I guess it’s because when I’ve been asked, ” Are you serious? ” I just roll my eyes around and walk off.

Something with Two Heads.

Actually what I wanted was a Pickled Punk.

I wanted something in a jar that I could name Bixy or Lil’ Chunkles and all I know is that after years of begging I have an empty shelf in my room with no Jar…oh wait I do have one full of fake eyes that float in water but that doesn’t count because I bought it for myself.

I can’t explain the Pickled Punk no show under the tree situation. I guess there’s no way anybody in my family is going to go to a store and asked for something dead in a jar to give to someone at Christmas…even if that someone is me.

Well.

I can’t fault my nearest and dearest for not twisting Santa’s otherwise open and giving hand to give me the present of my dreams-

I did it to myself.

I just ask for weird stuff.

So.

This year I’m going traditional.

This year I’m asking for something old fashioned.

Okay.

Fingers crossed everyone

and

Merry Christmas!

cold-cat

Viva Cheeto La Frito!

December 5, 2008 / Anita Marie / 7 Comments

I think I know what I can expect from

my little brother for Christmas this year

Why…you may be asking yourself … would Anita Marie’s brother give her something like

that?

Well….

When I was about 6 and my brother Doug was 5 years old Chiquita Banana had an ad campaign going on and from what I can remember this woman with a basket on her head used to sing about Chiquita Bananas

“I’m Chiquita banana and I’ve come to say –

Bananas have to ripen in a certain way-

When they are fleck’d with brown and have a golden hue –

Bananas taste the best and are best for you –

Doug loved bananas, he loved that stupid song and he loved to tease me because he could.

So on the day that he discovered Chiquita Anita rhymed and he could sing about his favorite fruit and torture me all in one wonderful stroke he sang that song non-stop.

He sang it on the way to school, he sang it in the bathroom he called me up when I was playing at my friend’s houses and sang it over the phone.

You’d think that he would get bored with the Chiquita Anita thing. And he did. Good thing he discovered Cheetos.

It started off as Anita La Cheeto and then I became Cheeto La Frito.

I never lived it down and on the day they bury me he’s going to magic marker Cheeto La Frito on my headstone.

But over the years I’ve grown and matured ( unlike some OTHER people in our family ) and I’ve learned to deal with my little brother’s stupid sense of humor.

When we were younger every once and awhile I’d deal with it by going into combat mode and I’d spread the stories like the one about how my brother’s girlfriend was such a mean vindictive brat that her pet turtle ran away from home and how my brother went out in the middle of the night to look for it and stepped on it by accident.

Me and Doug are both older and wiser now ( well, that’s HALF true ), Cheeto La Frito is patient, and thoughtful and Cheeto La Frito has learned that male pattern baldness runs in our family.

I am so ready for this Little Brother

Everyone knows Cheeto La Frito shows no Mercy- and if they didn’t before…

Well they do now.

Love from

My Thanksgiving Note To All

November 26, 2008November 27, 2008 / Anita Marie / 5 Comments

PLEASE NOTE

I am Thankful For:

Godzilla Movies- because when I was a kid it was nice to see a big monster make grown-ups ( who looked teeny tiny people ) cry like babies.

My husband- and I’m not saying that because I desperately want Pirate Boots for Christmas, I’m saying that because I’m going to GET Pirate Boots for Christmas.

My family who not only accept me in all of my weirdness they can do it with a smile on their faces ( okay, so they’re laughing hysterically, whatever- sometimes you have to take what you get )

My friends out here in the real world who put up with me in the cyber-world and support my writing- just by reading it- no kidding,-like it’s not enough to deal with me- on top of that they deal with my weird stories about cannibals and graveyards and the stuff I write here.

They’re Saints I tell you…SAINTS.

I’m also thankful for my Cats and my Dogs because they remind me everyday that I’m not an island, that what I do affects the world around me and that one good deed can without a doubt not matter-

but you should do them anyways.

And of course, I’m thankful for Bruce Campbell and David Tennant and Swing Music and of course Mozart.

So as I spend Thursday in self indulgence mode, I am going to be thankful for the world around me and for the people and thing inside of it

and I’m going to enjoy it all.

I hope you do to.

Happy T-Day

from

Anita Marie

beta353

Beauty Was A Beast

July 17, 2008 / Anita Marie / 1 Comment

Once Upon A Time

When I was about 6 years old my family realized I was a little girl who was fascinated with stories about Head Hunters and Zombies and a guy named ” Burke’s Hare ” who robbed graves and sold the rotting bodies to ” Franks Stein ” who in turn made Monsters out of them.

I guess my family were more then a little disturbed by my taste in literature so they tried to balance things out by introducing me to your more traditional fairy tales…

Cinderella

At first I liked Cinderella, but it became clear to me during story time that she needed magic to be prettier then her sisters. I was not encouraged by that as I was not exactly the cutest kid on the block and unless someone showed up with a magic wand I figured I was in trouble.

In the end I was scared of the Cinderella story, it used to give me nightmares.

However I LOVED Snow White.

She got to live in the woods and she ate a poisoned apple and lived-which made perfect sense to me as I had swallowed kerosene on a dare a year before and I had lived.

So I felt a kinship with Snow White and her weird friends who looked like trolls.

She was one lucky girl I remember thinking- her friends were monsters and carried axes and in addition she had black hair too ( which wasn’t something girls in fairy tales had unless they were bad ) so I happily saw myself in that role and asked for that story a lot.

But the Fairy Tale Character who offended me to the marrow of my little girl bones and the one character I truly learned to hate was Beauty- from Beauty and the Beast.

More then halfway through the story I did whatever it is kids do during story time to be disruptive and my Grandma tossed the book into my toy box and that was the end of that.

Or so I thought.

So why did I get so upset?

Here.

Let me count the ways.

First of all her Dad ditches her in the woods and she spends all of her time wishing he would come back-had that been my Dad there would have been serious Hell to pay if he had ever shown his face around me again…

but I digress.

The only person who is nice to Beauty is an Ugly Man who almost dies when Beauty’s kid ditching Dad shows up and takes her back.

Now that part made me cry and it was awhile before I agreed to hear the end of the story which my Grandma was glad to tell me because I had taken to drawing pictures of Beauty being visited by ” Burkes Hare ” and I was hanging them up all over the walls in my bedroom.

Well.

I was mad, but a sport so I learned that Beauty goes back to the castle the Beast and everything around the castle comes back to life and…

Beast turns into a handsome Prince “and they lived Happily Ever After” my relieved Grandmother sang out as she finished the story.

I remember telling my Grandma ” If she had eaten a poisoned apple that would have been a very happy ending.”

” You really think so, don’t you. “

It really wasn’t a question.

I didn’t say anything but I remember my Grandmother looked at me with those wicked green eyes of hers and winked at me. I remember she said something about not winning them all…

and I was never treated to another Fairy Tale by anybody in my family again.

….And we all lived happily ever after that.

The End.

Write Here

June 14, 2008June 15, 2008 / Anita Marie / 1 Comment

It’s new ( well to me )

it’s exciting.

There a story about this giant fish and dog and…um.

Go see it for yourself here:

Searching The South

when you’re done visit

The Struggling Writer.

He shouldn’t have to Struggle

He’s THAT good.

Enjoy.

You will.

Promise

a.m

Sue

May 22, 2008May 22, 2008 / Anita Marie / 5 Comments

Today I found out my brother’s ex-girlfriend died.

She had a disease called Cerebellar Ataxia but what got her was pneumonia.

Her name is Sue and she and my brother have a son named Andy.

Andy has Cerebellar Ataxia too- he’s blind and can’t walk or control his facial muscles and it’s difficult for him to talk, he takes his food through a tube. He’s in his early 20’s and never learned to drive a car, he’s never traveled or had a girlfriend he loves the TV show “Friends”.

He’s in a nursing home.

That’s Andy’s life now- that’s what he grew up to do- to end up bedridden in a nursing home.

I really hate life today.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t intend to make the most of it- I intend to enjoy making every freaking damn second of it count.

For Andy and Sue.

Roaring Through My 20’s

May 4, 2008 / Anita Marie / 6 Comments

When I was a kid I wanted to be a Flapper.

I wanted to wear those cool clothes and have that edgy haircut and have boys coming to my house in Model T Fords-preferably painted yellow.

I wanted to hang out in Speakeasys

and smoke cigarettes from long cigarette holders and say things like ” that’s the bee’s knees alright ” when something impressed me and I wanted to say in a low sexy gravely voice that could make people blush ” Did you see Anne’s new Sheik? He’s the Cat’s Pajama’s”

Oh wait.

I do say things like ” The Bee’s Knees ” and “Cat’s Pajama’s” and when a guys are off the scale gorgeous I do think of them as Sheiks ( as in Valentino Sexy and if you don’t know who he was, Google him )

And be warned nobody can do the Charleston as good as me- well, nobody my age anyway.

So how did a Punk Rocker born in 1964 find her way back to the 1920’s and come back again as an Honorary Flapper?

Other Grandmothers take their Grand-kids to the Park and to the Beach.

My Grandma sent me on a trip to the roaring 20’s.

My Grandmother and her Sisters- who in their day weren’t just on the cutting edge of the 1920’s it sounded to me like they stood on the blade itself and jumped up and down all over it.

I grew up on their stories about the advent of extreme makeup styles and short hair for women and the music- which seemed to have a preoccupation with fruit, booze and love.

When they would tell me about having to sneak out to change their clothes so that they could ‘ look modern’ and the lengths they went through just to wear makeup and find boyfriends and get their haircut short I would think how sweet and silly and innocent that all sounded.

One day after we traded a few wild stories that started because we had been discussing my music and motorcycle riding and new black leather jacket ripped up jeans and black eyeshadow and safety pin look I remember my Grandmother sort of looked over to one of her sisters and they didn’t laugh or chuckle or tell me how exciting my life sounded.

In fact, if anything they seemed a bit under-impressed.

And then my Grandmother winked and said how silly and fun and innocent it all sounded.

And looking back on it now and looking at the world my Nieces are living in and what it’s like for them now days- I’m starting to think she was was right.