Charlie Gave Me An AWARD.
He gave me a Bruce Campbell themed Award.
( see…it’s mega cool )
Charlie is the Bee’s Knees and a great writer and you should go visit his blog….and I’m not saying that because of the Bruce thing…I’m saying it because it’s true.
So Scadaddle to Charlie’s and have fun.
Anita Marie
Guess what -I’m gardening at the Soul Food Cafe -check it out and don’t forget to visit my friend’s ” Gardens ” that are listed on the Blogroll at the bottom of the page.
amm
Well Hello There!
You came by to go to Church with Anita?
Anita The I.B. Writer?
Are you kidding?
I thought she was banned…oh she prays on line.
I get it.
Well she’s not here,
Look, she left a note- you want to read it?
Yeah, she wrote it on the wall in purple crayon…she’s been in a mood this week.
Right…I know, I know it says ” God ” but she’s been looking at everyone and saying, ” God ” or ” Jesus Christ “- so you know I’m sure it’s okay.
Dear God
I thought you might be dropping by for a Chat.
To be honest I haven’t even thought about
what made this long freaking week you cursed me with
a good one.
I know that I’m good for a laugh now and then God
but for once,
I’d like somebody else to be the butt of your jokes.
Oh wait….you know…I guess you DID have some fun
with someone else…
like with these guys:
SKAMANIA COUNTY, Wash. — Seven of the ten county sheriff’s deputies who spent Saturday night stranded on Dog Mountain has been successfully rescued, according to the Skamania County Sheriff’s Office.
The men had become stranded on the rugged gorge terrain after becoming disoriented while pulling thousands of marijuana plants from a grow on the east side of Dog Creek, 10 miles east of Stevenson, Undersheriff David Cox said.
And really God did you think it was funny when that guy in Prosser got bit by the rattlesnake after he chopped it’s head off?
I mean, that’s just warped.
And then this guy says, “It still gives me the creeps to think that son-of-a-gun could do that,” he said.
I didn’t laugh at that God, but I’ll bet you did.
And then there was this story in our Local Paper
where the burning question was
” Should Your Spouse Go (to your highschool) Reunions “
and really God
the obvious answer is
“Only if they don’t want you to be going to their Funeral
in the upcoming weeks.”
Funny God
Har, Har, Har.
Okay God…it’s true Prayer is good for the Soul
I just figured out you didn’t spend all week picking on me.
So you might want to check your toothpaste God.
SOMEBODY may have replaced it with a tube of hemroid cream
SORRY
I mean
See you next Sunday
( if I don’t get turned into a pillar of salt before then )
AND
Amen
Over the weekend there was this big secret event being staged at a public park ( which wasn’t going to be a Public Park for this event ) in Seattle, Washington and it was the talk of the town.
What was the secret?
A Wedding Party
A big Wedding Party for a big businessman and may he and his bride have a great life together but….
Geeze
THAT WAS THE BIG FREAKING SECRET?
So to try and put some air back into that big wonderful mysterious balloon that floated over the Puget Sound over the weekend
I’ve decided to tell my own story about what happened at
Enjoy:
From The Dark Waters of Lake Union
they arrived at the abandoned park just before sundown
members of the Wedding Party
and their Guests
who were followed in by the Bride and Groom
You wish them well…DON’T YOU?
Wouldn’t that have been a story to have read about? I think so.
Oh well.
Maybe next time…..
I have a great collection of post it notes that I keep in my journal (it’s made of paper and I actually WRITE in it). Some of them are funny, some are warped, and some could get me sued so I thought I’d share them here.
amm
To be attached to a flaming arrow and air mailed to that guy:
Your dog doesn’t hate black people, you do. Quit saying that.
I mean it.
However, my Cat DOES hates you and if you keep trying to pet him he’s going to chew your fingers off and then how will you be able to give the finger to that nice Mexican family that everyone likes except for you?
Think about it
Notes to my friends:
YES YES YES the story about the woman who committed suicide around Halloween of 2005 by hanging herself at the side of the road and was mistaken for a Halloween decoration is true.
Stop asking me if when I die I want to be mistaken for a Halloween Decoration too- you warped little monkeys.
You all better hope there really is nothing to the art of Zombification because I have a candidate list all drawn up and here it is….
Ha.
As if.
In regards to my hometown:
It’s true, if you google Mountlake Terrace and look through the pictures of my fair town you’ll find this picture mixed in with pictures of churches and trees and houses for sale and a baby in a flowerbed.
Figures.
Parasitic Mite on Earwig Pincher –
Next Up…I’ll do a post about the calls that get left on my answering machine.
You’re going to love it.
amm
I have this rule about Fridays- I don’t take any crud with me from the week into the weekend or the bright shiny new week that starts on Monday.
Except for this time.
There were little things and big things that were done to my friends and family that- you know -I do believe I’ll deal with.
What changed you may be wondering.
I can’t ignore the fact that there are some things that people say or do
that have to be answered for and accounted for.
So why I have made an exception
this time?
Because now I’m a writer with BIG imagination.
See Ya.
amm
“Nothing doth more hurt in a state than that cunning men pass for wise.”
Francis Bacon
He sits at our meetings and pretends to be your friend
He’ s very good at it-
He looks like a kindly, indulgent wise old Grandfather.
He’ll let you talk and talk and talk and he will hang on every word you say.
And then one day he’ll take your confidences and
Sell them to the lowest bidder.
He’s hurt and betrayed and discouraged good people
From doing good work.
For Sport.
What else could it be?
The thing of it is, I had one of those Kindly Old Grandfathers
Who was
Wise and Patient and Kind
And this man who sits against a wall and pretends
To be like him
Offends me.
Now as we are about to cross paths again
All I can say is:
You deserve me Sir.
Okay…this is an emergency I.B. PSA
That means that the I.B. Managment found something REALLY IMPORTANT that the public needs to be informed about-
she also thinks that Flying Monkeys, PEZ and this movie called ” Bubba Ho-Tep are REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT too so keep that in mind when you pop over and see how the 10 Commandments have been Criminized.
Don’t ask…just click THIS
and remember…I just work here.
When a Monk calls your house after reading your blog and says to your husband, ” hey, does your wife’s head spin around? “
It would behoove you to make your weekly Prayer to God a good one…so here it goes:
Hi There God,
I was a pretty good person this week- you know I avoided those Express Way to Hell Sins…. Christ, I mean God….well, it was hard.
This woman who likes to run the pictures and workplace info of human rights activists that tick her off on the front page of her website was found guilty of shoplifting 3.18 worth of chocolate milk from a store.
I didn’t laugh.
I wanted to.
But I didn’t.
See, I did the compassion thing- which I know you’re big on- I hope you noticed.
I don’t know what I did to deserve this- but I’m going to be visiting this place at the end of the month:
I’ll do something Churchy when I get back. If you could swing it so that I see or meet some hardcore UFO people with cool stories to tell I’d be ever so grateful.
Now I have a question here God- I know you’re not big on explaining why you do what you do, but maybe you can help me figure out why people pull stunts like:
A few weeks ago a man missed the turn on my road and ran into my neighbors yard. He had two kids in his car and when some of my neighbors found out he was Mexican and so were the kids two of my neighbors- one who is an emergency room nurse and the other who prides herself on being a first aid expert and has one of those ice chest sized first aid kits in her truck wouldn’t go near the kids to make sure they were okay.
They were more concerned with trying to find out if the man was ” legal.”
I wonder, if I went to a real Church and made some of my friends and family go AND if I prayed more often could you make Intentional Gross Stupidity a Sin? Don’t say no too fast here- just think about it.
I have to confess something here God, I was at this resturaunt and this guy was rude- he was making fun of ” all the ugly girls here tonight”- so as he bit into his very expensive Pork Poor Boy Sandwich I turned to my husband and friends and said, ” do you know when a body burns in a fire it smells just like roast pork?”
They’re guys God, Guys who were into their third beer, they wanted to hear all about it.
Sandwich Jerk didn’t even ask for a bag for his untouched food when he left.
What else can I say besides
“snicker”
Oh wait
how’s about I just say
Amen
instead?
Okay….Amen it is and I’ll see you next Sunday.
I like to take a look at what people are reading on the bus.
Sometimes they’re looking at newspapers, or magazines, or they’re hand (which I’m assuming they’ve got a phone or something down there…at least I hope so).
Over the years every other person had their noses buried in books by John Grisham or Tom Clancy; sometimes I didn’t notice the title because all I saw were those little stickers that proclaimed this work an “Oprah “book.
Without exception I saw that the people who were reading those books looked grim and withdrawn. Their mouths were set in hard lines and when their stop came up they’d take their book jam a marker into place and bury their book in a backpack or purse or briefcase.
Their gestures were clinical and thoughtless.
Unless you’re like me and made it a point to notice what people were reading you wouldn’t know. These books were something that Commuters ‘did’ on the way to work and when they were done commuting they were done with the book.
Of course, Harry Potter changed all of that.
When these people read the Potter books they’re leaning into the book, their faces are animated and when their stop comes up they carefully pop a marker into place and they carry their book under their arms close to themselves.
So today I thought, really, all theories aside what is it about a kid studying magic that really interests us?
And then I thought about my kids and how they used to demand “A Story “at bedtime.
“What kind of story?” I used to ask.
And my kids would say, “A good one.”
This is the kind of story my kids considered “good “and the ones I liked to tell:
We liked stories about good guys who win, about people who are fair, about friends that are loyal and stories where you get the chance to have that moment where you can be the person you know that you really are.
When I’d finish they’d look up and say, ” now that’s a story…a good one.”
Like my kids I think that a lot of us want stories about underdogs that become heroes and heroes that we discover are just people- just like us.
So I’m wondering, why is it now that all of the sudden these themes are finding their way into our everyday lives and hands of people waiting for a bus or sitting in a park or waiting in offices. Why do we crave these stories about a kid who studies magic when a few years ago Attorneys and CIA agents and women who were in ‘search of themselves’ were all the rage and we were perfectly willing to lose ourselves in their lives.
Their lives.
I think I know part of the answer now- and it’s been there all along.
We want a story about heroes and fairness and friendship.
It’s a good story- isn’t it?
Irregular Bones 