Le Penseur (Auguste Rodin) Photo/ArtWork by FaustFoundation
On day seven I doom my immortal soul
Today I was listening to Christmas Music on the radio when this song comes on and I’m not really paying attention until I hear:
Standing right in front of me
Was a little boy waiting anxiously
Pacing around like little boys do
And when it came his time to pay
I couldn’t believe what I heard him say
Sir I wanna buy these shoes for my Momma please
It’s Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry Sir?
Well. This is feeling a little ominous I think to myself.
The singer goes on:
It’s Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry Sir?
Daddy says there’s not much time
You see, she’s been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If Momma meets Jesus, tonight.
I stand there in front of my radio with my hand over my mouth and tears are streaming down my face.
And I’ll never forget
The look on his face
When he said Momma’s gonna look so great.
I take a look around to make sure I am alone
I take my hand off my mouth and I start to laugh. I can’t help it.
Oh sweet God, this kid is buying shoes for a dead woman and this a Christmas song.
A CHRISTMAS SONG.
To add fuel to the fire
this kid is not any kid. Oh no. He’s a poor kid which means:
… his clothes were worn and old
He was dirty from head to toe
So this dirty poor kid is buying shoes for his Mother who might be going to meet Jesus.
I don’t know why this song sent me into hysterical fits of laughter. Maybe it’s because the song was so over the top and it was an obvious attempt to tug the heart strings of who… I mean, I’m drawing a blank here…who would be touched by a song like this?
All I know is that with my luck this is probably a true story and for reacting the way I did I’ m sure I’m going straight to Hell when I die.
A few days ago a co-worker of mine walked by my desk and commented on the Christmas Music that was playing on my radio.
He said something to the effect that he was not in the holiday Spirit and whenever he hears Christmas music he just wants to ask ‘why.’
I told him, ” I listen to it because I FEEL like it.”
You know, this year has been a struggle for me. I have not been throwing myself into the season the way I normally do and I truly enjoy Christmas Music…and nobody is going t Scrooge that for me.
Since the music incident I have decided to find fun ways to enjoy the holiday. Like, today I sent an e-card to Expedition 22 crew who are on board The International Space Station. NASA has these Holiday E-Cards that you can use- you write a little message and sign your name and the city you are from.
Then you hit enter and poof…your e-card goes to the crew.
Image above: From the left (front row) are Commander Jeffrey Williams and Flight Engineer Oleg Kotov, flight engineer. From the left (back row) are T.J. Creamer, Maxim Suraev and Soichi Noguchi, all flight engineers.
So did I actually enjoy doing this?
Yes.
Yes I did.
So go ahead, send a message to the Expedition 22 Crew.
By The Third Day Of Christmas I Think I Know Where I Am Going
When I was young I used to have this idea that I would pack my bags and leave on a trip the day after Thanksgiving.
I would take one suitcase and make my way to the airport and I figured that just as I was making my way to my seat on the airplane my friends would be planning their trip to the shopping mall and my family would probably be doing the same.
But I wouldn’t be there- I would be flying overhead and I would be laughing all the way.
It was such a grand plan and a grand idea and I wish I had been able to pull it off.
You see, the Anita who could have carried that plan out would not have been the Anita who puts up with things over the holidays like:
A friend who sent me a Christmas newsletter that is about her kids and their bright and rosy futures after sending me this email after I had told her my 23-year-old nephew had died from a terminal illness.
Are you ready?
This is what she said:
😦
The one time the Anita who wanted to spend Christmas with her husband in Italy while the other people were screaming at some poor clerk in her local Mall for not having what they wanted, or for not jumping fast enough when they said jump or whatever it is people do nowdays to abuse ‘ the help’ only showed up once, briefly when somehow I got stuck at this stupid, stupid Christmas Cookie Exchange.
After about an hour of talking cookies and kids and cars and clothes and being asked to guess what loser from highschool so and so had run into recently, the Hostess caught me in the hall hissing into the phone at the receptionist at the Funeral Home I was working at, ” I can’t believe there are no removals scheduled, people die all the time. Find me a corpse, page me, and get me the F%4@! OUT OF HERE!”
Do you know what?
I thought I was looking forward to the next Twelve Days but I am not.
Will Anita Marie Get Her Fiji Mermaid THIS Year?:::
Today
On
Day 10
It all begins to make sense
Photo: Roadside America
Don’t ask me why, don’t ask me to explain the psychology behind it
but I get a lot of request for ghost stories during Christmas.
Here are a couple that’ I’m really glad I wrote because not only do they creep me out I think they’re really funny at the same time. And for what it’s worth- in my opinion- these stories could have only been written by someone who
has a Fiji Mermaid at the top of her Christmas Wish List
( it’s on the bottom too- oh- and in the middle and written in the margins as well )
” Once I had a nightmare ” my friend Bonnie told me ” about this witch who tried to break into my house “
” Okay, ” I tell Bonnie thinking this sounds like a good story to kill that long bus ride home from Seattle ” so how did it go? “
“Well, in my dream I heard my dog crying and in my dream I woke up and went and looked out my bedroom window. “
” And your dog was…”
” Hanging from a tree. “
” Like Hell you say. “
” It’s true, so I tried to run down my hallway to help get her out of the tree but the floor was gone and all I saw where the floor should have been was this dark pit filled with people with snake’s eyes and they were talking to me in a language I couldn’t understand.”
” I really hate it when that happens…” Bonnie looks at me a little strangely and I say ” you know… in my dreams.”
” Well sure. So anyway I go back to my bedroom and crawl out my window and then I fall into my rose bushes. “
I turned that image over in my mind a few times..
Bonnie isn’t into breaking a sweat for any reason- she wouldn’t run wouldn’t run from Lizzie Borden swinging an ax to save her own life so I couldn’t begin to imagine her crawling out of a window.
I smiled and encouraged she went on.
” When I get outside there’s this woman standing by Tippy and she’s got her back turned towards me. As much as I want to help Tippy I don’t want her, whoever she is, to turn around.”
” No. ” I tell Bonnie. ” You certainly do not want that. It’s a psychology thing…”
” Yeah well, she doesn’t turn around. She just reached up and grabs Tippy by her neck and yanks down. “
” Damn. ” I say ” So what did you do?”
” I run back to my front door and just as I run through it, the door slams shut and I throw myself against it…and I can feel the knob turning in my hand and just before it opens I lock it.”
” Good for you. “
” It didn’t matter, because the door swung open and pushed me back and then the Witch came in with Tippy. She was dragging Tippy by the rope and then Tippy opened her eyes and- she wasn’t Tippy anymore.”
” What was she? “
” Dead.” Bonnie says sadly. ” And I started to cry and scream for Tippy not to leave me and then I woke up.”
” Look, it was only a dream right? I mean Tippy isn’t really dead and the Witch didn’t get you.”
Bonnie looks at me and I look at her and Bonnie asks me if I think she’ll have that awful nightmare again.
” Bonnie” I say as I pull a rope from out of my pocket ” you’re not awake yet.”
THE END
Really…that was
THE END
let’s pause here for a brief commercial break:
and now let’s continue on to:
Washington Street
On the corner of Washington Street, just down the street from where I get off the bus in the morning was the rusted ruined shell of a phone booth standing in the corner of a Parking Lot.
The glass was gone, the coin box was gone and the metal cord that connects the receiver to the phone was gone too.
All that was left intact was a phone book that had to be about 6 years old.
One day I saw someone who looked looked like my childhood friend standing in the booth with the receiver to his ear.
As I walked by he held it out to me and said,
” it’s for you. “
It’s not you- I thought to myself-
I haven’t seen you in years
not since the first day of work when my code that was supposed to open all of the doors
wouldn’t work and the Manager had to key his code in for me and he couldn’t stop aplogizing because not only could I not get into the work area I also couldn’t get into my office or to the room where we kept the keys for the cars or the supply room
and
when the door to the work area swung open there was my friend
laying on the cot.
My first best friend
was the first person I embalmed.
It’s not you
I thought to myself as I walked down the street.
And the man in the booth called out to me.
” They’ll try you again later.”
A week later the phone booth was gone – the city was about to start construction on a new building across the street- and that corner was now being used for the Job Sight Shack.
Who created a Calender that was designed to showcase the works of her friends?
I mean, who could NOT be very happy with something like that.
And the questions would come to me again-demanding an answer- would I send my friends and family into unsafe places to get me a Fiji Mermaid? Even though my heart will surely break to find that now-after 31+ years of asking my wonderful Monkey / Fish is again out in the world, somewhere without me?
When I think of that Dad stumbling over the ice and snow to get into the Mall with his three year old in tow- and you know if Dad had slipped he probably would have broken BOTH of his arms to keep his child from hitting the deck-
or how I felt when I saw a woman slide and then catch herself against a bench- her head snapping back and her shopping bag clenched protectively to her chest
I think the answer is
HELL NO.
:::However::::
For one thing- for any one thing in the cases or lining the walls of
Will Anita Marie Get Her Fiji Mermaid THIS Year?:::
Today
On
Day Eight
Having Dodged The Bullet
I Go In Search Of
Another
We were supposed to have a windstorm
here in Washington State
and some of us here did.
We were suppose to be sitting here in the cold and dark
and some of us are.
So every time I hit a light switch, or when I sat down to write
my first reaction was to laugh hysterically
and my second was to be grateful.
I mean Churcy Grateful.
Which doesn’t happen often to me
as the Big Guy Upstairs
and I
have had issues this year with each other.
However.
As I considered my Fiji Mermaid-less life, my lack of Christmas Spirit and the mindless, thoughtless ” Holiday Greetings” I’ve received from people who don’t bother to find out if I’ve lived or died over the year I’ve concluded that
I’m so glad I have been at home,
keeping to myself
with the lousy weather as an excuse to not be out in the world
for fear that I’ll run into someone ( while shopping…shudder ) and when they ask
” So how’s your Christmas Shopping coming along? “
I know that will call what posses me forth and suddenly
The Christmas Demon in me will appear,
her will spin her head around a few times just like Linda Blair’s in the Exorcist and when she stops she will shriek, ” what do you care, you’re not getting anything anyway.”
I hope it snows some more.
I don’t think I’m ready to face a world full of Christmas.
Will Anita Marie Get Her Fiji Mermaid THIS Year?:::
Today
On Day Seven
We Find Out That It Really Sux To Be Me
Just after Thanksgiving, I start getting
The Letters.
By that I mean
Those Letters
that tell you what the sender did over the year.
And what a great year they had.
Which is wonderful for them.
My Mom LOVES to get those in Christmas Cards, she used to read them to us and she would even hang them up with the Christmas Cards and pass the news that she found neat on to her friends.
My Mom is Filipino and she grew up in Hawaii and that means – among other things- she’s into ‘talking story’ so yeah, she’s into those letters.
I’m not sure how I feel about them- I actually look forward to one of the Christmas Letters I get from a friend, who honestly doesn’t like the computer and travels. Every year I get these whopping long letters ( and presents- ) around Christmas.
No fooling it’s awesome and don’t think I don’t put a lot of thought into what I’m going to write back.
HOWEVER
Call it me getting Grinchlike in my advancing years but if someone has had a hellaciously bad year
( Some people do, so I’ve heard )
you may want to use some common sense before sending out your
“Snow-Are You Newsletter ”
First off:
Would you give details about your kid’s lives- where they work, go to school, where they can be found during the day, WHAT KIND OF CAR THEY DRIVE, even a picture of them to a perfect stranger?
Of course not.
So why share that happy news with ‘dear friends’ who wouldn’t know your kids unless your kids walked up to them and stuck a sprig of Holly into their left eye?
In addition
you may want to consider who gets your ” Happy New(s)Year ” post which always contains a travel intineray.
Myself I didn’t go on trips that would be the kind of news I could share back ( not that those kinds of letters actually invite conversation )
for example, this year I went to a Funeral ( only one, what can I say, in my book it was a good year ) and I mourned the death of my friend who shot himself in the head just after Thanksgiving over 25 years ago- and the place I go to in my Soul when I reflect on that time in my life isn’t going to be showing up on the Travel Channel anytime soon- let alone in a ” Holly -Are- You Newsletter “.
And as to the cool things the letter writer did over the year-
if the receiver had no idea that your life’s goal was to swim with the Dolphins and what it took for you to get to that point where you actually go to a placeso that you could, indeed, swim with the Dolphins- they’re not going to understand why oh why you’re sharing that bit of glad news six months after the fact.
Rule of thumb:
If your co-worker whom you hate -and the person you sit next to on the bus or train or the person in the check out line ( the slow one ) knows more about what is going on in your life then your Season’s Greet-ees, you may want to consider putting that news into a letter, encased in a Christmas Card and sending it off to ” All “.
Besides.
Christmas Cards are not intended to be suck -up ( gee I’m sorry I spent the year not thinking about you) gifts.
– Things like flowers and wine and
FIJI MERMAIDS
are suck up gifts.
In case you missed that.
During the Holiday Season I run into a lot of friends from my past- they’re in town visiting family, sometimes they give their old friends a call and sometimes all we do is talk outside in the snow, or we might toddle off for a drink or meet up for a little while for a bite to eat.
And that’s when we talk about what’s been going on in our lives.
Those times are pretty wonderful and when they happen I feel lighter, do you know what I mean?
Sending a letter to eveyone in your address book to say how wonderful things are for you is a bit like playing Chicken in Santa’s Sled with a drunken elf at the reins, if you don’t care how the person at the other of of your letter is really feeling and how they could take your letter…..
you may want to consider nixing the letter and instead add an extra line at the bottom of your card that says something real like:
Thinking Of You.
Photo:Christmas Story-A Fansite
:::and now for a Christmas Song That I really do enjoy sharing:::
It was just before Christmas when I heard the Trans-Siberian Orchestra for the first time.
My Mom had told me about a video for a Christmas Song and how it was about a little girl and her kitten who escape into a snowstorm take over an Orchestra in the woods and how even though you saw all these images about how the world was a conflicted place, for that one night the girl, her cat and her Orchestra win.
I wasn’t sure what she meant.
And then my Mom said, ” it reminded me of your stories Marie. “
Thanks Mom.
For Getting It.
Marie
CHRISTMAS EVE/SARAJEVO 12/24
(Instrumental)
As He flew over the countryside
He was still listening
When from a little church below
He heard a voice begin to sing
Christmas Canon
THIS NIGHT
WE PRAY
OUR LIVES WILL SHOW
THIS DREAM HE HAD
EACH CHILD
STILL KNOWS
WE ARE WAITING
WE HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN
ON THIS NIGHT
ON THIS NIGHT
ON THIS NIGHT
ON THIS VERY CHRISTMAS NIGHT
Will Anita Marie Get Her Fiji Mermaid THIS Year?:::
Today
On Day Six
Anita Marie Asks…
Do you know what today is?
Before I tell you let me tell you about my day.
Today it snowed.
I baked.
I played with my cats and wondered if
I was stranded in my car on the side of the road in this snow storm
would I care about what I wanted for Christmas?
If the power went out like it did last year, and it went back on across the street two days before the power was restored on my side of the street and I had to sit in my dark house and watch the Christmas Lights on my neighbors house go on in the evening and cast little rays of happy lights on their plastic Christmas yard ornaments would getting a Monkey Fish seem like something I would be thinking about?
That I should be thinking about?
You bet I would-and I DID- because I think it’s those wild dreams that give us the strength to deal with the world when things get absolutely unbearable.
I’ve made it my mission in life to see those dreams of mine come true…
and sometimes they do
and when they do it is always so worth the effort it took to keep them alive.
Now here’s the answer to the question.
Today
::It’s Christmas In Heaven That’s What Today Is:::
Irregular Bones 
