Being that it is Christmas Eve I thought should post some Christmassy and Religioussy and Traditionilly type things.
You have been warned.
And in case I forget to mention it between then and now:
Merry Christmas
:::the religioussy thing:::
:::The Traditionilly Thing:::
My husband’s good friend Tony La Stella posted this on his facebook:
Twas the night before Christmas,
Da whole house was mella,
…Not a creature was stirrin’,
Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla.
When up on da roof
I heard somethin’ pound,
I sprung to da window,
To scream, “YO! Keep it down!”
When what to my
Wanderin’ eyes should appear,
But da Don of all elfs,
And eight friggin’ reindeer!
Wit’ slicked back black hair,
And a silk red suit,
don Christopher wuz here,
And he brought da loot!
Wit’ a slap to dare snouts,
And a yank on dare manes,
He cursed and he shouted,
And he called dem by name.
“Yo Tony, Yo Frankie,
Yo Vinny, Yo Vito,
Ay Joey, Ay Paulie,
Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!”
As I drew out my gun
And hid by da bed,
He flew troo da winda
And slapped me ‘side da head.
“What da heck you doin’
Pullin’ a gun on da Don?
Now all you’re gettin’ is coal,
You friggin’ moron!”
Den pointin’ a fat finga
Right unda my nose,
He twisted his pinky ring,
And up da chimney he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh,
Obscenities screamin’,
Away dey all flew,
Before he troo dem a beatin’.
Den I heard him yell out,
What I did least expect,
“Merry Friggin’ Christmas to all,
And yous better show some respect!”
:::The Christmassy Thing :::
::::What I Want For Christmas:::
A couple of years ago I asked for my very own Fiji Mermaid.
By that empty spot on my shelf it is very glaringly obvious that SOMETHING was absent from under my tree on Christmas Morning
:::Anita Marie Coughs Delicately Into A Tightly Clenched Fist:::
I SUPPOSE I should have settled for a fake one, but what would be the point in that?
So this year I am going to be practical.
I don’t want a Fiji Mermaid this year, though it is most definitely NOT off th list.
This year I would like to find wrapped in festive red paper and stamped with gold and silver prancing and dancing reindeer and please no bow because for SOME weird reason when my cats and dogs see bows they run and hide- I would like to find-
Here it is
My Christmas Wish For 2010
A SHRUNKEN HEAD
Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppe in Seattle sells mountains of them a year.
I would like one of those.
And no it does NOT have to be a real one.
Really.
It doesn’t.
So what does this mean here where I write and express myself all over the place?
It means from now until Christmas, here at Irregular Bones you will be treated to stories, links and clips about Shrunken Heads.
Happy Holidays and Merry Shopping Everybody!
Fun stuff to do when you SHOULD be getting ready for Christmas Day.
Let’s face it
if you’re not ready for the day by now at least you’ll have something to do until people figure out you’re a total slacker and chase your lazy backside up a chimney.
Haka are performed for various reasons: for amusement, as a hearty welcome to distinguished guests, or to acknowledge great achievements or occasions– like Christmas Eve
Don’t forget to check out
A few years ago I sent this link to some of my friemds, who are Anti-War and they sent me hate mail about it.
I wish I were kidding but I am not.
So every year I plug this site.
Ho, Ho, Ho
And because it’s my blog and I can…
here is list of David Tennant Movie Quotes I found at
Sisters is a David Tennant Fan Blog with a religious theme.
Yes.
Yes I am serious.
:::Here are the quotes:::
1. “The longer between eruptions, the bigger the force when it finally pops”
2. “Always take a banana to a party”
3. “You’re a scary lady, Alison”
4. “Talented people turn me on. What a woman looks like means nothing to me – I’m only looking at the twinkle of their soul”
5. “To be or not to be (a total shagmeister)”
6 “There I was … a head full of facts and britches full of desire
That’s it for now.
So go out there and have a little fun…even if you have to do it stuck in a chimney.
IT’S CHRISTMAS EVE AFTER ALL!
NASA Spitzer Space Telescope Collection
On The Tenth Day I Look Up And See…
This Galaxy is not watching you.
It’s actually two Galaxies that are dancing, and one day they will get to close and…
what’s the science term I’m looking for
here it is
KABOOM.
But until then they will dance together in Canis Major
and they will look
beautiful.
On Day Eight I actually enjoy Christmas Shopping…so tell me, how did that trip to Mall Hell Go for you?
I went Christmas Shopping last night.
To be more specific, I gave my husband a list of things I wanted and we went to the best store in the world…
We went to Archie McPhee’s.
Archie’s is home to wonderful things like Crazy Cat Lady and Jesus Action Figures and Pirate Lunchboxes
It is well stocked with things like zombie and pirate finger puppets and bacon and egg bandages.
In other words, it is a big piece of heaven on earth.
Where else would you stand patiently and wait for your turn to check out a shelf full of things like mini-flying monkeys, screaming pickles and Angry Mob Play Sets?
I can tell you this much, there aren’t many stores you can go to right now that are crowded full of holidays shoppers where you can hear people laughing and having a good time as they take their turn to get from one aisle to the next.
I worked in a Mall for eight billion long punishing, unforgiving years. I haven’t enjoyed Christmas Shopping for years…that is YEARS.
Last night at Archie’s I had a good time, I could easily order from a catalog or go on line- but if you can- do what I am going to do from now on-stop in for a visit because its fun and during these unfunny times we could all use a few good laughs.
Le Penseur (Auguste Rodin) Photo/ArtWork by FaustFoundation
On day seven I doom my immortal soul
Today I was listening to Christmas Music on the radio when this song comes on and I’m not really paying attention until I hear:
Standing right in front of me
Was a little boy waiting anxiously
Pacing around like little boys do
And when it came his time to pay
I couldn’t believe what I heard him say
Sir I wanna buy these shoes for my Momma please
It’s Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry Sir?
Well. This is feeling a little ominous I think to myself.
The singer goes on:
It’s Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry Sir?
Daddy says there’s not much time
You see, she’s been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If Momma meets Jesus, tonight.
I stand there in front of my radio with my hand over my mouth and tears are streaming down my face.
And I’ll never forget
The look on his face
When he said Momma’s gonna look so great.
I take a look around to make sure I am alone
I take my hand off my mouth and I start to laugh. I can’t help it.
Oh sweet God, this kid is buying shoes for a dead woman and this a Christmas song.
A CHRISTMAS SONG.
To add fuel to the fire
this kid is not any kid. Oh no. He’s a poor kid which means:
… his clothes were worn and old
He was dirty from head to toe
So this dirty poor kid is buying shoes for his Mother who might be going to meet Jesus.
I don’t know why this song sent me into hysterical fits of laughter. Maybe it’s because the song was so over the top and it was an obvious attempt to tug the heart strings of who… I mean, I’m drawing a blank here…who would be touched by a song like this?
All I know is that with my luck this is probably a true story and for reacting the way I did I’ m sure I’m going straight to Hell when I die.
Aren’t I?
Photographed by Charles M. Wrenn III
On Day Six I start to think outside the box.
A few days ago a co-worker of mine walked by my desk and commented on the Christmas Music that was playing on my radio.
He said something to the effect that he was not in the holiday Spirit and whenever he hears Christmas music he just wants to ask ‘why.’
I told him, ” I listen to it because I FEEL like it.”
You know, this year has been a struggle for me. I have not been throwing myself into the season the way I normally do and I truly enjoy Christmas Music…and nobody is going t Scrooge that for me.
Since the music incident I have decided to find fun ways to enjoy the holiday. Like, today I sent an e-card to Expedition 22 crew who are on board The International Space Station. NASA has these Holiday E-Cards that you can use- you write a little message and sign your name and the city you are from.
Then you hit enter and poof…your e-card goes to the crew.
Image above: From the left (front row) are Commander Jeffrey Williams and Flight Engineer Oleg Kotov, flight engineer. From the left (back row) are T.J. Creamer, Maxim Suraev and Soichi Noguchi, all flight engineers.
So did I actually enjoy doing this?
Yes.
Yes I did.
So go ahead, send a message to the Expedition 22 Crew.
Well, while we are outside the box, let’s go a little further.
Let’s talk
bleccchhh
Presents.
I wish this was a real gift because I would REALLY give it to everyone I know.
It’s called A Screaming Tea Kettle
Cartoon by: Carolita Johnsoncartoonista, etc.
Of course, I wouldn’t tell them it screamed.
Where would the fun in that be?
Hey.
I’ve learned something here, when I don’t feel like I have to do the Christmas, or think about the holiday in a certain way
I am really liking it.
Whoo Hooo.
I’m feeling the Spirit tonight.
YAY!
Newport Aquarium located in Newport, Kentucky, along the Ohio River. ( http://www.newportaquarium.com/ )
A funny thing happened on the fourth day
Do you know where you can go to get Bacon Soap
or in a pinch
where can you find an inflatable Fruitcake?
I know the answer to those questions.
Personally, I think you are pretty weird for asking, but that’s okay.
When it come to human nature I am very forgiving and it is, after all Christmas.
Visit
And take a look at their WONDERFUL selection of Gifts and Toys.
And while we’re at it don’t forget the ultimate gift…perfect for that ultimate someone.
I am of course talking about
The Hula Hoop
People have even written songs about it.
Now go forth and Yule-It
a.m.
Irregular Bones 
