Alien Thoughts and Ideas

I Went To Sin City and All I Brought Back Was a Keychain

/ Anita Marie / 7 Comments

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I was going to ask my Mom to write me a note to God to have me excused from Sunday Prayers.

But then I thought, I’ve got a bone to pick with you Hoss, so let’s do this.

 

Jesus Christ, I spent three days and two nights in Las Vegas Nevada and I’m not sure who said it was this wild place but they need to be fired.

First of all, I don’t know how wild Professional Bingo players get, but let me paint you a picture…they DON’T.

There were old people and young people and people with their kids. I only saw two people that looked like genuine lounge lizards- they were wearing bright yellow and blue suits and sprayed on tans- and it turned out they were doing an act.

I know because I asked.

I asked the guy where I could find the gambling guys like the ones I’ve seen on TV and one guy said ” in some Hollyweird Fancy Boy’s Dreams “

har, har.

I sat around a few of Wedding Chapel places and watched people get married, which was fun, I asked my husband if we could renew our vows he agreed.

When I said I wanted to find an Elvis impersonator to do the honors he disappeared for the rest of the afternoon.

Humph.

That’s okay though…cause I ordered room service and sat around my room and ordered movies that I didn’t like and put it all on his credit card.

I only spent sixty dollars.

Can you imagine Lord what I could have done if I’d REALLY been mad?

So that was my big Vegas Trip and God here’s a heads-up: I’m planning a vacation to see some mummies and if it turns out those are fake too me and you are going to have issues

Big Ones.

Later.

I mean, see you next Sunday and AMEN.

 

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Certain Truths Are NOT Evident

/ Anita Marie / 12 Comments

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When I was little and my family from Hawaii would come to the Mainland during the Summer I used to notice that if it was the 4th of July they used to stand there in a sea of American Flags and oceans of Potato Salad and look…just a little grim, maybe a little quiet and at one point someone would take me aside and tell me the story about Queen Lili’uokalani.

My Filipino Grandfather who always smiled and was a gifted and lively story teller was not so animated when he told me how The Queen was put in chains and imprisoned in her own home and I used to wonder, as he told me the story, what the Queen of England or the President of The United States being put in chains and forced to live in the basement of their homes would look like and I couldn’t see it.

When I was a kid I learned from my Grandfather ( because I sure as Hell never learned about it at school )  that  unlike the ” Declaration of Independence ”  the Queen signed a document that dissolved Hawaii’s Independence. Our 50th State – how ironic- actually LOST its Independence when it was annexed by the U.S. Governement.

I wonder if they took the cuffs off when she signed.

They may have…. but they were there all the same weren’t they?

Queen Lili’uokalani of Hawaii signed a document which read in part: “Now to avoid any collision of armed forces, and perhaps the loss of life, I do this under protest and impelled by said force yield my authority until such time as the Government of the United States shall, upon facts being presented to it, undo the action of its representatives and reinstate me in the authority which I claim as the Constitutional Sovereign of the Hawaiian Islands. – Queen Lili’uokalani to Sanford B. Dole, Jan 17, 1893.”

Hawaii was annexed  ( not admitted, not ‘became’ a state- amm )to the United States through a joint resolution of the U.S. Congress, signed into law by President McKinley on July 17, 1898.

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Anchors and Irregular Bones

/ Anita Marie / 6 Comments

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Anchors

The Anchors I’m writing about are the Anchors that help hold you in place when the forces of the world try to blow you around and away  like so much garbage in the wind.

This is based on a writing exercise at the Soul Food Cafe – the train wrecks called ‘responses’ are mine.

 

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 PEZ – they’ve given my life meaning and purpose. Plus they were the only food I felt good about eating on the job. I worked in a Funeral Home. You’d have to have spent time working in an embalming room to understand.

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One day it’s my dream to visit Area 51 and have my picture taken next to a bunch of inflatable aliens wearing sombreros. I want to wave around a fifth of Tequila and shout in Spanish, ” What do we want? The Truth! When Do We Want It? Now! ”

That way I can tick off Homeland Security and stick it to the Science Guys who suck the joy of wondering about the Universe straight out of our lungs.

I think it’ll be a rush- the same kind you get you drive up to a McDonalds and buy a Happy Meal For Kids so you can get the toy-and the thrill you get as you pull away because you know darn well you’re keeping that toy and the food for yourself.

It’ll feel just like that- I know it.

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When I was about 9 I got sent to the library to do some ‘thinking time’. This kid named Jeff poured glue on my chair and when I realized he had gathered a small audience of jerks to watch me sit in that puddle of goo- in a new pair of cool purple bell bottoms to boot-I smacked him for it.

I got busted for ‘starting a fight’ I kid you not, the teacher said I had no reason to be mad because I hadn’t sat in the mess.

Anyway- there was a bright side two this- actually there were two.

The first was I felt really, really good when I popped the little bastard in the nose and the second good side was that the librarian made me sit in the corner where there was this stack of books a class had used for a project they had worked on about the Ancient Egyptians and Archeology.

With nothing else to do but gloat- which I did for part of the morning I spent the rest of the day reading.

On that day I learned that violence may not solve anything but it has it’s own rewards and that you can really learn things from books.

Before he was turned into a rock star I learned about King Tutankhamun  and  I also learned about a woman named  Hatshepsut who, despite some serious effort on the ‘powers that be’ was not wiped from history.

A woman.

Cool.

 I saved the Very Best for the Very Last.

My ” Monsters”.

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They’ve made me less afraid, they’ve given me things to write about and their creators have inspired me to be more then the Anita I designed to be by doing hard time in the Suburbs with a bunch of narrow minded bigots on one side of me and scads of  Latte Liberals on the other.

See, when things started to feel a little shaky and I was feeling like that maybe this time I wasn’t going to be able to hang on- you know I was forgetting who I was and what I was about- I had my anchors…Aliens, Pez Candy, Ancient Egyptians and Monsters.

You should be so lucky.

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