Theme Song Friday

November 10, 2007November 10, 2007 / Anita Marie / Leave a comment

After careful thought The I.B. Staff

That would be me……

The Doll with the Knife….

and the Old Spice Guy…..

Have finally come up with a theme song for

The Wonderful Irregular Bones Blog

here it is…

are you excited yet?

Okay….calm down…we have decided on:

T’aint No Sin To Take Off Your Skin

(and dance around in your bones)

No…don’t do it you silly people!

That’s the name of the song.

Enjoy!

When you hear sweet syncopation
And the music softly moans
T’ain’t no sin to take off your skin
And dance around in your bones

When it gets too hot for comfort
And you can’t get an ice cream cone
T’ain’t no sin to take off your skin
And dance around your bones

Just like those bamboo babies
Down in the South Sea tropic zone
T’ain’t no sin to take off your skin
And dance around your bones

Would You Trust This Person With The Keys To Your House?

November 6, 2007November 8, 2007 / Anita Marie / 9 Comments

Over at my other blog people have been looking for stories and pictures about

Guillotines

and they’re coming here looking for

” Immagrants ” ( spell check people! use spell check!)

demons

sluts

and

good things about Insanity.

hmmm………

the world is a strange strange place

If I Only Had A Brain

November 5, 2007November 5, 2007 / Anita Marie / 3 Comments

this is an I.B PSA

I like to look at my Stat page- they have this section where you can see what word combos have led readers to your blog or website.

I’ve noticed something …. and it’s played my last nerve.

This is a note to those people who

!!!DON’T USE SPELL CHECK!!!!

This is how you spell “Immigrant “

It’s not spelled “IMMAGRANT”

Geeze.

This was an I.B. PSA

For A Good Time Call…

November 4, 2007November 4, 2007 / Anita Marie / 2 Comments

Hi God!

Betch’a missed me round the old Pearly Gates..ha, just kidding.

Like I’d hang out there- that Velvet Rope stuff is so elitist…

Instead I’ve been learning about what happens when the gene pool gets to shallow

so here we go

today I’m putting some of it in

GOD CHAT

Lord I wonder if you understand that if you want to scare people into being good you shouldn’t make them laugh…

When I was a kid my Mom used to threaten to spank us with this wooden spoon- which was pretty funny because she wasn’t into that spanking gig, plus by the time I was 10 I was five inches taller then her and my brother was this low functioning dweeb that would laugh at anything so the entire discipline thing sort of fell apart when she’d start screaming in her Hawaiian accent about how bad we were.

She sounded like one Betty Boop on speed.

So anyway God…if you want me to marvel at your works ( and not snicker ) don’t create people like the lot in Oregon ( God I do love those guys down there ) who ran around stealing Garden Gnomes and then they put all of gnomes ( all 75 ) on one lawn.

The Police took the Gnomes into custody…and if you’re missing one you can check their website- oh and just to show you this is real here’s the report and the pictures of the…um, victims- though the person who woke up to find these things staring into their windows will probably be in therapy for a very long time

SPRINGFIELD POLICE DEPARTMENT

( hey that’s the town THE SIMPSONS are from!

amm )

______________________________________________________________________________

INCIDENT: CASE # Criminal Mischief/Found Property 07-10284

DATE/ TIME: 10/17/07 @ 1743 hours

LOCATION: ( deleted by amm )

______________________________________________________________________________

NARRATIVE OF INCIDENT: A resident of the Thurston area of Springfield called the Police on 10/17/07 to report that someone had placed numerous lawn ornaments in the yard of the residence sometime the previous evening. A Community Service Officer responded to the location and found approximately seventy five lawn ornaments placed in an orderly manner on and around the front lawn. These lawn ornaments were primarily animal and gnome type figurines and were likely taken from other residences at various times.

Springfield Property control personnel would like to return those items to the owners and have decided the most efficient way to do this would be to place photographs of the various ornaments on the Springfield Police web site, www.ci.springfield.or.us\police\media.htm.

If you received this by FAX and not e-mail, you may obtain photos by calling 726-3721

FOR ADDITIONAL INFORMATION CONTACT: Capt. Richard Harrison 726-3721

NEWS RELEASE COMPLETED BY: Brent Carpenter 726-2326

Now there’s a lot you gave us here to be thankful for in the Pacific Northwest Lord…and I look high and low for these things every day. I’m inclined to look low because you know…that’s the way I am.

This was a tough call though like is it high or lowbrow news?

See years ago I was in this accident on the freeway and the person who got their first was a Washington State Patrolman with freckles and he looked just like Ron Howard back when he was on ” Happy Days “.

I didn’t laugh at the way his voice cracked, or the way he called me ” Ma’am ” . Nope what got me was the little bow tie that’s part of the Washington State Patrol Uniform.

I think the guy on the Maytag Commericials wears the same one.

Anway.

I tried so hard not to laugh God…but I did.

And then I made up an excuse for my outburst of rapid fire snickers and snorts that shot snot straight out of my nose and all over my windshield.

I said I’d hit my head.

Okay it was a lie and I paid for it because as soon as that came out of my mouth everyone who was showing up ‘ at the scene ‘ took it very seriously. For me it was a night of X-Rays and being woken up every couple of hours to be asked if I knew what my name was.

So today I find out our Washington State Patrol…just look:

OLYMPIA, Wash. – It’s a look that lead-foot drivers know all too well: the crisp black bow tie and blue “Smokey Bear” hat of a Washington State Patrol trooper. And according to a national trade group, the outfits are the best-looking state police uniforms in the country

Quit toying with me God.

Okay, this deserves some sort of divine retribution on your part and I’m talking real Fire and Brimstone action on your part ( may I remind you that you only promised to not flood anybody anymore…I checked ).

The city of Mountlake Terrace is making a man scuttle a pirate ship he built for his kids in his yard.

According to our ahem our ” Code Enforcement Officers ” ( no I did NOT make that up…that’s what they’re called) it violates city building codes.

Heaven help us- it’s a Pirate Ship and unless it sails down the middle of the street and runs over one of my cats I don’t care what anyone puts in…

their own yard.

Especially if it’s something as awesome as a Pirate Ship….at least it’s not a giant garden gnome ( sorry…sorry….couldn’t resist ).

So there it is God….this is what you created right in front of my nose this week…other people may wonder why I pay attention to this and talk to you about it…

But what can I say- I love a good sense of humor.

Keep up the good works

See ya round

and

ahmmmennnn

Is it Suppose To Glow Like That?

November 1, 2007November 1, 2007 / Anita Marie / Leave a comment


	Nearby Town:	Redmond, Washington
	Ride Type:	Many Trails To Choose
	Trail Type:	Single Track 90% Fire/Gravel Road 10%
	Distance:	10.00 miles (16.09 KM)
	Duration:	not specified.
	Elevation Gain:	100 Feet (30 Meters)
	Climbing:	Steep At Times
	Skill Level:	Something for everyone
	User Density:	not specified.

This is Nike Park here in Washington State

Doesn’t it look nice?

It is-

but here’s a little history about The Nike Park and her Sister ” Parks” across the United States from my Weird New Jersey Guys…

enjoy:

Children’s Day At The Morgue

November 1, 2007 / Anita Marie / Leave a comment

Yes you read that title right- and the song is pretty catchy and I would like to thank Joanne for bringing it to my attention- REALLY!

Joanne is REAL and she did tell me about it…

So there.

amm

Halloween- Urban Style

October 31, 2007October 31, 2007 / Anita Marie / 5 Comments

On Halloween Night we used to love to do things like test drive Mortality.

Here’s how we did it:

Blood Mary

You know that legend about Bloody Mary? You’re supposed to stand in front of a mirror, in the dark ( well, use some candles I mean- duh- if you can’t see what’s going on you’re out of luck ) and chant the name ” Bloody Mary ” three times- then she comes out of the mirror and kills you.

I’m not sure how she does it- though I’m guessing sharp objects are involved.

I think the idea is to get somebody you don’t like to do this- but I could be wrong.

We tried it- doesn’t work

but it was fun.

The Girl At The Side Of the Road

Every Halloween some Dead Prom Queen is supposed to be on some road waiting for somebody to give her a ride home

From what I understand this story involves a girl who dies in a car accident on her way home from the Prom and somebody will pick her up and drive her home and when they get there they turn to the back seat and she’s gone and her parents come out to tell you her sad story.

We went looking for her too- but we decided if we found her we’d make her go ” Shoulder Tapping ” with us.

Shoulder tapping is what we called it back in the 70’s when you’d hang around in front of the 7-11 and try to get people to buy beer for you- which shows you how smart we were- we always did it in our neighborhood so we were always sober by the end of the night.

And we didn’t see a ghost either.

Darn.

Thirteen Steps To Hell

We have at least two cemeteries here in Washington with stories about how in one crypt or in one grave there are Thirteen Steps Leading to Hell. The Doorway to the steps is guarded by a Witch who will give you the Second Sight if you sell your Soul to the Devil who is waiting for you at the bottom of the 13 Steps to finalize the deal.

To bad the Sight doesn’t kick in before you get to the Bottom of The 13 Steps.

Then You’d see clear as day that the Devil takes you to Hell and if your plan was to rule the world with your Powers- you are so going to be disappointed- toasty- but very disappointed.

Message From The Beyond

Everyone goofs off with a Ouji Board on Halloween.

Everyone knows those things are demonic.

Everyone doesn’t get together three or so friends, agree on a phone number

as the ‘message’

let their inncoent bystander ( and former ) friends call it

only to let them learn they’re dialing

the intake desk at a local Mental Hospital.

Hey, it’s funny-and like I said you shouldn’t mess with those things…

and on Halloween of all Nights.

Dingbats.

To end this up let me remind you:

Life is short-

Enjoy Halloween and all the

rest of the year too

amm

Put Your Hands Up and Step Away From The Jack-O-Lantern

October 28, 2007October 29, 2007 / Anita Marie / 11 Comments

Okay God,

I know it’s Sunday, I know it’s time for God Chat but this is serious God and being that you’re in charge of everything I expect that you will have an interest in this.

Yeah, Yeah- I know it’s Saturday but tough it’s Sunday somewhere PLUS Halloween is just days away so we have to settle this NOW.

First of all

I know Global Warming is bad…it’s a sin and the irony that Earth will end up looking like Hell for what we’re doing to it is not lost on me.

but God…God Damn…A Green Halloween?

Healthy snacks? Experience Nature? Linen and dinnerware from The Pottery Barn?

This isn’t Halloween- this is the way they celebrate Halloween at an Old Folks Home-and guess what- most of the old people I KNOW would be laughing so hard at this lame idea that they’d wet their Depends.

And then to make it worse…this Green Halloween group wants a sugar free Halloween…good thing one of the “leaders” has a site you can go to so that you can buy stuff ( impress me…give it away )

Which brings me to this.

Lizzie Borden

Today I read about this Lizzie Borden Halloween Prop that costs THOUSANDS of dollars.

She swings an Ax up and down.

When I was a kid this family had a Haunted House set up in their basement and the Dad used to dress up like Lizzie and chase people around with an ax and he’d be screaming ” Forty Wacks! Forty Wacks for you all! “

and we’d be screaming for Jesus and our Moms.

God, it was pretty darn great and I’ll bet the entire thing didn’t cost thousands of dollars.

and the results?

Priceless.

So God, do us a favor.

Show these Heathens the light.

Halloween is all about life and death

It’s all about celebrating the things we can touch and feel and taste and smell.

It’s about not being afraid of the dark and the things that hide there.

It’s about having one night where you don’t have to whistle

as you walk by a cemetery- you can perform a full on Aria.

On this one night you don’t have to be afraid of things that go bump in the night because you can BECOME that thing that goes bump in the night

For just one night.

That is not asking for to much, is it God?

So I’ll see you Halloween Night- I’ll be the one with the mask on

( har har )

and

ahhhmeeennnnn

Legend Of The Tommy Knockers

October 27, 2007October 27, 2007 / Anita Marie / Leave a comment

from Teller Colorado History

page

They ( the Miners ) believed that while working down in a mine the ghosts or spirits of dead miners who had been killed in mines would come to claim their souls.

When all was quiet down in the mine shaft sometimes the miners would hear a taping, the sound of a pick hitting rock.

This was the sound of a Tommy Knocker and many, many times when this sound was heard there would soon be a cave in of the mine and many miners lost their lives this way.

Therefore, when the miners heard this sound those who believed in the Tommy Knockers would run from the mine and would not return to work in it again.

consider this: what it would feel like if you woke up one night and heard that sound coming from under your bed.