“No person has ever won the White House without winning the Ohio primary, in either party…Somehow the people of Ohio end up picking the winners.”
–Hillary Clinton, interview with Columbus, Ohio, TV station, March 4, 2008.
It has become part of political mythology that you cannot win the presidency without carrying Ohio. (ActuallyJohn Kennedy pulled off this feat in 1960, winning the general election even though he lost Ohio by 273,000 votes.) But can you win the presidency without winning your party’s Ohio primary? History suggests that Hillary Clinton is wrong on this point.
When I was in my twenties my friend put a shotgun into his mouth and ended his life.
When I was in my 30’s I slept with my phone because on some nights because I was ” On Call ” as a Mortician’s Apprentice and those calls meant that I was going somewhere to meet a family who were going through a devastating experience.
All of these events unfolded in my life with the same thing.
A ringing phone.
Years later I still equate the sound of a phone ringing me out of sleep with Death.
And now there’s this campaign ad:
“It’s 3:00 am and your children are safe and asleep. But there’s a phone in the White House and it’s ringing,” the male narrator says in the ad. “Something’s happening in the world. Your vote will decide who answers that call.”
The only word that comes to my mind now in regards to a candidate
Well… in case you haven’t noticed I haven’t been talking to you much lately.
That’s because I’ve been really busy enjoying the Train Wreck that is the world of American Politics
We’re getting close to a ” Lord Of The Flies “ type situation down here so I am totally into the entire experience. I’m just waiting for the tribes to attack each other.
I’m just wondering if in the end people like me will be relevant anymore.
According to the hate mail I’ve gotten recently the answer is
‘no’.
Some of my ‘enlightened sisters’ are really really mad because I’ve joined another tribe and they’re getting ready to cut my head off and stick it on a pole and run it up and down the streets of Ohio.
Anyway….
When I’m not all wrapped up in this new Reality Show
After that I look for cool pictures to send to my friends and family.
Of course they never acknowledge getting them so I’m not sure if they’re appreciated. I figure I’ll just keep sending them until they start screaming stop like little babies :
I do a lot and I mean A LOT of Political work- it sort of consumes every freaking spare minute of my life- and I have learned that unless you keep things uncomplicated in this process you will wake up one day and find you have aged over overnight and are now friendless.
So here are a few pointers I keep in mind in order to keep things simple.
Pointer #1
DO NOT TALK SMACK ABOUT THE OTHER SIDE.
Got it?
Don’t do it!
Nobody likes a whinny little b*&^ and the minute you go there I promise you will convert nobody- and that’s what you want- as many people on your side as possible.
That business about destroying the other side? Oh sure, that’s going to be great when you need- and trust me you WILL need their support later.
Pointer #2
If your team is ahead it’s time to act gracious and thank those lucky stars for being where you are because at any minute those stars could turn into flaming meteors and end up crashing into a cow pasture somewhere.
Pointer #3
The Media is not your friend.
Look.
The people in my life who should know that the media aren’t really doing news but STORIES are all writers. Yeah, I’m lost on that too because writers know that in a story you have to have a beginning a middle and an end. You need Villains and Heroes and all that stuff and if you want specifics buy yourself one of those ‘how to’ books about writing.
Oh, this is a good example.
Remember in the movie Jaws?
One guy says that all sharks do is swim around, eat and make baby sharks.
Well, all the media does is tell swim around, eat and try to find a story you’ll buy.
It really is as simple as that.
Those are my pointers.
So.
Be Civil.
If you’re the one doing all the talking you’re probably not listening and if you find yourself TELLING someone to support your candidate instead of ASKING you need to chill out.
Things sometimes get really crazy for you, and sometimes you have to get away from all the chaos.
But each time you stage your comeback, it’s even better than the last!
Back in black
I hit the sack
I’ve been too long I’m glad to be back
Yes, I’m let loose
From the noose
That’s kept me hanging about
I’ve been looking at the sky
‘Cause it’s gettin’ me high
Forget the hearst ’cause I never die
I got nine lives
Cat eyes
Abusin’ every one of them and running wild
CHORUS:
‘Cause I’m back
Yes, I’m back
Well, I’m back
Yes, I’m back
Well, I’m back, back
(Well) I’m back in black
Yes, I’m back in black
hey hey hey hey hey
Back in the back
Of a Cadillac
Number one with a bullet, I’m a power pack
Yes, I’m in a band
With a gang
They’ve got to catch me if they want me to hang
Cause I’m back on the track
And I’m beatin’ the flak
Nobody’s gonna get me on another rap
Don’t look at me now you fuckhole,
I’m just makin’ my bed
Don’t try to push your luck, just get out of my way
CHORUS
well, I’m back, Yes I’m back
Well, I’m back, Yes I’m back
Well, I’m back
Well I’m back in black
Yes I’m back in black
hooo yeah
Ohh yeah
Yes I am
Oooh yeah, yeah Oh yeah
Back in now
Well I’m back, I’m back
Back, I’m back
Back, I’m back
Back, I’m back
Back, I’m back
Back
Back in black
Yes I’m back in black
Out of the sac!
Irregular Bones 
