Alien Thoughts and Ideas

So There

/ Anita Marie / 2 Comments

Have you ever invited people to go to Hell?

Me?

I’ve probably sent half of the Earth’s population there by now-

twice.

And then one day I thought –

what if you really did have the power to send people you hated to Hell.

Can imagine what would happen if the Devil woke up one day down there in Hell and there were all these people just standing around, bringing down the value of Real Estate and probably depleting Hell’s natural resources?

He stand there with all of his friends from Hell’s Exclusive Country Club who expect their Dark Lord to have more control of their Domain so he’d have to get all huffy and self rightous and yell  ” Where the HELL did you people come from?”

And then all of these people would say, ” Oh. Anita sent us here”

Now there’s a picture I’d rather not dwell on.

Instead I’m going to take a cue from Natile Dee and say this- plus if I’m really upset I can send them this picture:::

no-muffins

nataliedee.com

Who could have thought cursing could be so much fun?

And Yummy Too.

Another Bloody Musical?!

/ Anita Marie / 11 Comments

When I go shopping at the grocery and I’m waiting in line to be checked out

I don’t watch TV on those little screens above the cash registers.

I don’t reach for ” People ” magazine, or one of those snacks or paperbook books they put on those racks that divide the lines.

I’m pretty good about not going for the impulse items.

HOWEVER

I have been known to shove baby strollers, old people and seeing eye dogs out of my way in order to get my hands on the Weekly World News if Bat Boy was on the cover.

batboybatboy_1_2

If you have to write stories about Vampires or Bat People, for heaven’s sake tell a good story- and I happen to think that the Bat Boy stories were darn great stories.

And I’m not alone.

Bat Boy is a musical now…oh hurray!

A MUSICAL!

 

Here’s the LINK

Trust me…you do NOT want to miss out on the coolness that is

BAT BOY

bat-and-bunny

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Lament Of Sarah Palin

/ Anita Marie / 3 Comments

 

From the amazing Ronnie Ray Jenkins…this is

 The Official Caribou Barbie Song…

meant to be sung out loud and shared as often as possible.

a.m.

from Ronnie Ray Jenkins site HERE –

I never was a fan of politicians, and now, I’m even less of one. So, I felt rather “patriotic,” and decided to perform a song for all of my readers. Enjoy it, sing it, send it around, and this time around, I’m hoping people “think” before they vote.

The Ballad of Caribou Barbie

There’s something fishy in the mackerel sky–in the land of the midnight sun.

There’s a woman running loose wearing designer glasses, and touting a mighty big gun.

Now that much don’t scare me, or worry me none,

I don’t even care that she’s talking in tongue.

Say oily-oily –doo, dilly-dangle-diddy-wah

oily-oily-doo-dilly-arbee

She put a town in debt- in her short time as Mayor, and her name is Caribou Barbie.

She piles her hair high on her head and uses a bearskin to cover her bed

She claims to be an expert in foreign relations, cause she can see Russia from the window in her kitchen.

Say-oily-oily-doo-dilly-dangle-diddy wah

Oily-oily-doo-dilly arbee

Her hubby’s some dude, but his name isn’t Ken

Even though she’s Caribou Barbie

She tells the folks, she’s a decisive kind of gal,

And it makes me think of Bush, the “Decider”

Now, I’ve been around the block, and I’m nobody’s fool,

But I’m scratching my head wonderin

Why she went to six schools.

Sing Oily-Oily doo dilly-dangle diddy wah

Oily-oily-doo-dilly arbee

Four more years would be McBush again, along side Mc Caribou Barbie.

She might be a hockey mom to some, the leader of the PTA to others,

She might be a lipstick wearing pit bull to many

But taking a close look, she’s a lipstick wearing Cheney.

Sing, oily-oily doo,

Dilly-dangle-diddy wah,

Oily-oily-doo- dilly arbee

So, ends the saga it’s short and it’s sweet, like the career of Caribou Barbie.

Repeat Chorus.

And The Red Pen Marches On

/ Anita Marie / 1 Comment

I write stories about Werewolves that cheat at cards and stories about Funeral Directors who get buried alive and Devils that ride buses to work in the morning.

However,

had I written something like this

no one would have believed it and I would have drawn a red slash right across each and every page and started over again:

David Tennant Treat Time

/ Anita Marie / 4 Comments

 

Let’s Have Some Fun

with

David Tennant.

I know, I know, you all want me to write about Politics and Gummy Bear Porn but sometimes you just have to say what the Hell and do something for the heck of it.

So Please.

Try.

Try

to

enjoy this.

a.m.

 

Derren Brown

Trick Or Treat

With David Tennant

PT 1

PT 2

PT 3

David Tennant Says: Lock Up Your Sons!

/ Anita Marie / 4 Comments

David Tennant wins an award and should win another for recognizing

loose women in his acceptance speech –

It’s appreciated it David.

By loose women everywhere.

Of which I am not one of.

Really.

And the first one of you to show up and argue with me are SO going to be featured here.

a.m.

Beauty Was A Beast

/ Anita Marie / 1 Comment

 Once Upon A Time

When I was about 6 years old my family realized I was a little girl who was fascinated with stories about Head Hunters and Zombies and a guy named ” Burke’s Hare ” who robbed graves and sold the rotting bodies to ” Franks  Stein ” who in turn made Monsters out of them.

I guess my family were more then a little disturbed by my taste in literature so they tried to balance things out by introducing me to your more traditional fairy tales…

Like

 Cinderella

At first I liked Cinderella, but it became clear to me during story time that she needed magic to be prettier then her sisters. I was not encouraged by that as I was not exactly the cutest kid on the block and unless someone showed up with a magic wand I figured I was in trouble.

In the end I was scared of the Cinderella story, it used to give me nightmares.

However I LOVED Snow White.

She got to live in the woods and she ate a poisoned apple and lived-which made perfect sense to me as I had swallowed kerosene on a dare a year before and I had lived.

So I felt a kinship with Snow White and her weird friends who looked like trolls.

She was one lucky girl I remember thinking- her friends were monsters and carried axes and in addition she had black hair too ( which wasn’t something girls in fairy tales had unless they were bad ) so I happily saw myself in that role and asked for that story a lot.

But the Fairy Tale Character who offended me to the marrow of my little girl bones and the one character I truly learned to hate was Beauty- from Beauty and the Beast.

More then halfway through the story I did whatever it is kids do during story time to be disruptive and my Grandma tossed the book into my toy box and that was the end of that.

Or so I thought.

So why did I get so upset?

Here.

Let me count the ways.

First of all her Dad ditches her in the woods and she spends all of her time wishing he would come back-had that been my Dad there would have been serious Hell to pay if he had ever shown his face around me again…

but I digress.

The only person who is nice to Beauty is an Ugly Man who almost dies when Beauty’s  kid ditching Dad shows up and takes her back.

Now that part made me cry and it was awhile before I agreed to hear the end of the story which my Grandma was glad to tell me because I had taken to drawing pictures of Beauty being visited by ” Burkes Hare ” and I was hanging them up all over the walls in my bedroom.

Well.

I was mad, but a sport so I learned that Beauty goes back to the castle the Beast and everything around the castle comes back to life and…

Beast turns into a handsome Prince “and they lived Happily Ever After” my relieved Grandmother sang out as she finished the story.

I remember telling my Grandma ” If she had eaten a poisoned apple that would have been a  very happy ending.”

” You really think so, don’t you. “

It really wasn’t a question.

I didn’t say anything but I remember my Grandmother looked at me with those wicked green eyes of hers and winked at me. I remember she said something about not winning them all…

and I was never treated to another Fairy Tale by anybody in my family again.

….And we all lived happily ever after that.

The End.

Don’t Tread On Me

/ Anita Marie / 11 Comments

When you write weird stories and have a collection of shrunken heads  ( and for the 50  billion-th time YES THEY ARE FAKE! ) people send you weird news stories and ask you what you think of them.

You know that look your parents had on their face the first time they had to try and explain what made boys and girls different from each other? That’s the look people have on their faces when they ask me about the severed  human feet encased in running shoes that have been washing up in Vancouver BC.

Okay.

I’m macabre- it’s who I am and what I write about but I am not without empathy and I’m very aware of the fact that those feet were attached to someones son or daughter, wife or husband.

So I would never walk up to someone like ME and ask a question like that.

Because, you know- I have respect for the dead.

As to the living- well, if someone asks me about body parts washing up on a beach I know darn well they’re not looking for solace so I say,

” I think that the rabbits are sending us a message. “

 

 

 Sleep with the fishes
 

Fish wrapped up in an article of clothing of the person who has been hit, whacked, killed, was then wrapped in newspaper and delivered to the capos, signifying that the member was dead, and at the bottom of the sea.

Its a Sicilian Message – He sleep with the fishes–from Godfather.

It’s True On So Many Levels

/ Anita Marie / 2 Comments

It’s funny because it’s true.

Oh.

I’m a Hello Kitty Fan.

Really.

::Visit Hello Kitty HERE:::

and while you’re feeding your mind the equivalent of a Super Sized Meal at McDonalds ( thank you Baby Jesus for those )

you might as well go HERE too.

a.mm