Author: Anita Marie

God and The Daily Show Effect

/ Anita Marie / 10 Comments

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Hi God,

Something Strange and Mysterious has happened

and I’m

chalking it up to  your

Godly Powers.

Either that or you’re drinking again….

but we’ll get to that later.

Anyway, here’s the skinny: 

Over the last few weeks Irregular Bones has gone from an

on-line

 journal

where I write about my cats and my friends and family and head hunters and civil rights and

homeless people and what my bus rides to and from work are like

and my hero worship of Rod Serling and Bruce Campbell

to

a

NEWS SOURCE.

I kid you not.

So being that I’m trying to get on your good side

( well, at least on Sundays )

I’m prepared to answer your Call:

I have a half a pound of Pez on hand at all times

 an endless supply of Jolt cola

a weird sense of humor

and Google at my finger tips.

I am SO going to have fun with this.

Thanks for the Call God,

it’s a good one.

Oh and between me and you

I don’t care what anyone says

YOU ARE FUNNY.

See Ya Next Sunday….

ahhhhmennnnn.

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No Post Day

/ Anita Marie / 7 Comments

 

Pussy cat, pussy cat,

Where have you been?

I’ve been to London to visit the Queen.

Pussy cat, pussy cat,

What did you do there?

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That’s for me to know

and for you

to wonder about!

 

 

 

 

Direct Flights from Strange and Unusual To Mainstream…

/ Anita Marie / 5 Comments

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I hate it when stuff goes mainstream- 

Today I went to a ” weird news stories ” site and they have this column where weird stories are happening so often that they’re no longer considered strange OR unusual…

so another one  bites the dust-

DARN!

 

The category of stories of people keeping deceased relatives’ bodies around, based either on fear of losing the relationships or a psychotic belief that the deceased will regenerate (or sometimes, to conceal the death so that government checks keep coming), has been retired.

 A funeral parlor in London told The Times in September that it was finally time to bury Annie Lamas, who died 10 years ago but whose body has been kept in the parlor’s cold storage unit by her two adult daughters, who visit almost weekly to chat with her and touch her up. Elder daughter Josephine, 59, was said to make sure Mom’s lipstick is fresh (on a body that has wasted to the point of leathery skin stretched over bones) and place fresh padding on Mom’s stomach cavity. [The Times (London), 9-6-07]

An Alien Observation

/ Anita Marie / 2 Comments

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Do you know what I think is funny?

I think it’s funny when people with voice and power

demand

that

the very people they’ve silenced

 speak for them….

It’s just a thing that seems to happen every

once and awhile.

amm

 

Consider The Twilight Zone

/ Anita Marie / Leave a comment

It was much more then it appeared to be.

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( below is a link to a great NPR interview with Marc Zicree, author )

Weekend Edition Saturday, October 2, 1999 · Scott speaks with Marc Zicree, author of The Twilight Zone Companion, about the sensibility and significance of the landmark television series, which made its debut 40 years ago this weekend. The program, which ran from 1959-64, was created and hosted by Rod Serling, and has been in syndication ever since.

 

Guess What This Is?

/ Anita Marie / 5 Comments

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WRONG!

It’s a CAKE!

It’s Kitty Litter Cake and I got the Recipe and Picture from

Spooky Times

So give it a try….it’s YUMMY.

Ingredients:

1 German chocolate cake mix
1 white cake mix
1 large pkg vanilla instant pudding mix
1 pkg vanilla sandwich cookies
Green food coloring
12 small Tootsie Rolls
1 NEW kitty litter pan
1 NEW plastic kitty litter pan liner
1 NEW Pooper Scooper

Directions:

Prepare cake mixes and bake according to directions (any size pans). Prepare pudding mix and chill until ready to assemble. Crumble white sandwich cookies in small batches in food processor, scraping often. Set aside all but about 1/4 cup. To the 1/4 cup cookie crumbs, add a few drops green food coloring and mix using 5. When cakes are cooled to room temperature, crumble into a large bowl. Toss with half the remaining white cookie crumbs and the chilled pudding. (Mix in just enough of the pudding to moisten it. You don’t want it soggy. Combine gently).

Line new, clean kitty litter box. Put mixture into litter box. Put three unwrapped Tootsie rolls in a microwave safe dish and heat until soft and pliable. Shape ends so they are no longer blunt, curving slightly. Repeat with 3 more Tootsie rolls and bury in mixture. Sprinkle the other half of cookie crumbs over top.

Scatter the green cookie crumbs lightly over the top. (This is supposed to look like the chlorophyll in kitty litter.) Heat 3 Tootsie Rolls in the microwave until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake; sprinkle with cookie crumbs. Spread remaining Tootsie Rolls over the top; take one and heat until pliable, hang it over the side of the kitty litter box, sprinkling it lightly with cookie crumbs. Place the box on a newspaper and sprinkle a few of the cookie crumbs around.

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I’m Laughing On The Inside

/ Anita Marie / 3 Comments

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When this book first came out, some smarty- pants at my local bookstore put it in the Self Help section.

SOME PEOPLE

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Boo God!

/ Anita Marie / 8 Comments

 

Where have I been?

Funny One God.

Let’s Get to it, shall we? 

 

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So God, I was surfing the net for Halloween stuff and I kept running across these stories about Christians wanting to ” take Halloween back ” or asking if they should celebrate it at all.”

Here’s the short answer. 

No.

Okay God?

Just in case that’s not clear enough here’s the long answer:

No! No! No!

I don’t go into church and make everybody in there read Stephen King and I don’t make the Congregation dress up like zombies or ghouls for Sunday Services and I happen to think that some of those Church songs are nice so I would never make them sing those ” Haunted Favorites ” with the sound effects in the background ( let’s face it though, I bet more people would go if ….never mind ) Okay…so tell them alright? I mean, don’t they have to listen to you? Isn’t that in the rule book  Bible somewhere?

Yeah…I thought so.

Now the second thing I want to chat about are these Wonker Heads that sent me hate mail just because I believe in Human Rights.

I know they’re your children God and you love them- probably in the same way I loved that Cyclops Kitten. It was so deformed and helpless and must have been so afraid that you just couldn’t not care about it.

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But Christ, could you make sure they use spell check? Like if one of these er, individuals, take the time to write me a letter and threaten me the very least you could make them do is run spell check so that the fake name those Chuckle-Heads use is spelled right.

Yeah, okay it is funny but still.

And forgive me God because in the spirit of Halloween I told someone an Urban Legend was a true story even though I knew it wasn’t.

Which one?

It was the one about the woman who goes to Mexico and  after she gets back this boil on her face pops open and hundreds of baby spiders crawl out.

Hey, don’t get all Godly on me, the person I messed lost her last brain cell to bleach about 30 years ago and she always calls me ” Sen-your-eada “

She knows I don’t like her, so why she asked me about this one is weird. I’m guessing it’s because ” Sen-your-eada  Ahneeeedah ” ( as she likes to call me)  looks like one of them ” Mexican People ” and she probably thinks  I’d know all about Mexican Infestations “

Hear My Prayer Lord….please have her ask me another….please?

And see you here next Sunday…got that…here…

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Oh almost forgot….

aaaaahhhhmennn.