My Friend Jonnee Sent This To Me

It’s About Guys

So you know, it’s going to be super funny-right?

NICKNAMES
1.        If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
2.        If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
1.        When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
2.        When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
1.        A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
2.        A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS
1.        A man has six items in his bathroom:  toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a  towel .
2.        The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
1.        A woman has the last word in any argument.
2.        Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
1.        A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
2.        A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
1.        A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
2.        A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
1.        A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
2.        A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
1.        A woman will dress up to go shopping, go to the gym, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a  book, and get the mail.
2.        A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
1.        Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
2.        Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
1.        Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
2.        A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house..

:::And to Sum It All Up:::
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

My friends

are losing their jobs.

And when I leave for work in the morning

I wonder if I’ll be home early.

I wonder

if  I’ll be part of  a statistic on the evening news about unemployment or part of body count  woven into some bit of trivia on Political bloviators blog about what George W Bush and his friends did to this economy and our Country.

I wonder when I’ll get turned into a number too.