I never used to stress over the Swim Suit issue.

It’s not like I look good in them, but ages ago I used to like to go to the beach so I wore one – I mean, it’s not like anyone looked at me so who cares- right? I wanted to get some sun, I wanted to get into the water so I wore a bikini.

And then a few years ago my  friend suggested we go and get fitted for swim suits- you know by a professional.She does this every year – not because she doesn’t know how to dress spiffy- it’s because she looks great and has a hard time making up her mind

However, I knew I was in trouble when the ” Professional ” turned out to be girl who made Kate Moss look obese.

So the Professional pulls all these one piece things off of the rack and tells me these will be work with my flaws. She’s pointing out my ‘problem areas’.

Apparently I had a lot of them.

The suits were all one piece things, they were all black and they all had these pastel flower prints on them.

A few even had these skirts- Jesus Wept, skirts?

“If my Grandmothers saw me in any of these they’d ask me why I was dressing like an old lady. Okay, look whatever, do you have anything with some color? I mean…these are all black.”

” Colors are not going to work with your body type, black is slimming and more complimentary to a figure like yours. “

And then after handing me the old lady suits she turns to my friend and starts talking about the lovely selection of new suits that just came in that would look just  ‘ beautiful’ on her.

Just as the Professional  made for the center racks- you know where all the pretty suits are and before my friend, who is not one of those Customers you want to mess with,opened her mouth took the Salesperson’s head off-  I dropped the suits at the the ” Professional Fitter’s”  feet and said, ” to bad they don’t make things like that to demphasize a lousy personality.”

So what brought this on today?

I found out the store that told me to spare my fellow Beach Visitors the pain of having to see me in a swim suit by wearing something that maybe, if she were to go blind and didn’t know what she was putting on my Grandma wouldn’t have touched with a ten foot pole….

went out of business.

All I can say is

YAYAYAYAYAAYYAAAAAYYYYY!