Month: February 2009

Ummm… I Mean Om….

/ Anita Marie / 4 Comments

yoga

Some people count when they are angry and want to cool down.

Some people count sheep when they’re having trouble falling asleep-

neither of things things ever worked  for me because I have a total phobia where numbers are concerned and I stress out like you wouldn’t believe when I have to think about them.

So what do I do?

When I get down or angry or have trouble falling asleep I go over the stages of Decomposition.

Look.

It works.

And if you want to try it sometime yourself here they are:

Fresh-

algor mortis sets in

yuck-face

Bloat

Body goes through rigor and livor will be fixed

brand

Active Decay

The body begins to break down at the face and then down to the chest and then to the hands and feet. Active Decay moves faster in warm moist climates and slower in cold climates.

yuck-face

Dry Remains

All soft tissue is gone, only the bones remain. Skeleton maybe intact depending on weather or animal activity. In drier climates the skeletal frame may still be covered by a fine layer of skin.

yoga

Um.

I mean

….OM…..

I can feel it working already.

 

Do You Know The Muffin Man?

/ Anita Marie / 1 Comment

 

Muffin man, illustrated in Punch

Muffin man, illustrated in Punch

Do you know the Muffin Man?
The Muffin Man, the Muffin Man.
Do you know the Muffin Man,
Who lives in Drury Lane?

Once a teacher asked me, after reading something I wrote,

” where on Earth do you get your ideas from?”

and I said

” From the Muffin Man “

Sure.

It was a creepy answer

but it was also a pretty stupid thing to say to a 14 year old.

Still.

When I start a writing project I think of  it as a visit to

The Muffin Man.

And you?

What The Heck Was I Thinking?

/ Anita Marie / 7 Comments

butterfly_girl

When I was 13 years old I was the biggest freak in the world.

I’m talking a world class freak.

A freak with ugly hair, bad teeth and  bad timing because I never got anything right.. oh and did I mention I looked like a freak too?

If you must know this phase of my life lasted well into my 30’s.

Now that I’m in my mid-forties I can get away with the same stuff because on top of it all my hair is turning grey and I just look like an eccentric old lady.

Anyway.

All of this started when I was 13.

So what did I do tonight?

I joined a facebook group made up of

-you got it-

People I went to Junior Highschool with and some of them knew me when I was 13.

Kill Me God.

Kill Me Now.

They’ll Love Us To Death

/ Anita Marie / 2 Comments

morgue-door

Have you ever read crime novels?

Some crime stories are about people who would rather see you dead then to see someone else have you.

Sort of like what the Republican Party is up to- they would rather see us living on the streets with a life expectancy of 45 and in utter despair then to see anyone else have us

:My Argument:

The Republican Party wants you to believe it has our Country’s best interest at heart.. To show it’s keen interest the drop robocalls on you, they will begin writing e-mails, doing unsolicited errands “on your behalf”, talking to your friends, co-workers, and family, and, in general, making itself available at all times on the TV and Internet.

The Republican Party feels free to make for you legal, financial, and emotional decisions and to commit you without your express consent or even knowledge.

 The GOP  intrudes on your privacy, does not respect your express wishes and personal boundaries and ignores your emotions, needs, and preferences.

Moreover, no amount of denials, chastising, threats, and even outright hostile actions will convince the GOP that you are not in love with it. It knows better and will make you see the light as well. You are simply unaware of what is good for you, divorced as you are from your emotions. The GOP determinedly sees it as his or her task to bring life and happiness into your dreary existence.

Thus, regardless of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, the GOP is convinced that his or her feelings are reciprocated – in other words, that you are equally in love with him or her.

Members of the GOP are socially-inapt, awkward, schizoid, and suffer from a host of mood and anxiety disorders. They are driven by their all-consuming loneliness and all-pervasive fantasies.

Consequently, the GOP  react badly to any perceived rejection by their victims. They turn on a dime and become dangerously vindictive, out to destroy the source of their mounting frustration – you.

When the “relationship” looks hopeless, many erotomaniacs turn to violence in a spree of self-destruction.

:::Where I got this from:::

 with some tweaking the above is actually the definition of of an

 Erotomaniac Stalker.

OMG! Me Too!

/ Anita Marie / Leave a comment

vie1302

I was over at the White House Website- which if you must know is a new experience for me- most of the time I feel like I shouldn’t be there and if you’ve ever had Homeland Security crawl around you blogs because you dare to talk about things like the actions of local law enforcement you probably understand how I feel.

Anyways.

The lead story was President Obama’s Remarks from  the Prayer Breakfast .

Wow- was that a coincidence because this morning over breakfast – okay it was just me and a friend ( not the thousand at the breakfast the President was at )on the way to work munching on some Jelly Bellys and Bagels and ( I’ll leave it to you to wonder if I ate them together or separately ) I was praying like crazy too!

My friend thinks that President Obama is a Socialist, that George W. Bush is a victim of circumstance and that the people who drove our Country into the ground are going to drive it back up again.

I knew exactly what to say and I was about to when my friend says to me, ” I had to let five at work go yesterday. Five. You know what? I’m afraid Anita. I’m really afraid. I think that we all have to stick together-  I mean if neighbors don’t look out for each other- well that’s the way it’s got to be. Right? “

So here I was, ready to get on my political horse and ride- and just as I was about to saddle up I took one hard look into my friend’s face and said, ” That’s right. Count me in. Because you are 100% right. “

That what it comes down to, when you think about it.

It’s you and your neighbors getting out there and making things right and doing right by each other.

I used to think that was just a really neat idea.

And then I learned it can be done- in fact I learned some really nifty ways to make it happen.

And

I learned how from Barack Obama.

“ZOMBIES IN AREA! RUN.”

/ Anita Marie / 9 Comments

I’m lucky.

I take a bus to and from work and for that 25 minutes it takes me to get home ( on a good day that is ) I can talk to my friends on the bus, I can read, eat my Popcorn flavored Jelly Bellys and I guess I could take a cat nap now and then but  my mouth falls open when I ‘m sleeping  so the naps are out.

Sometimes though I stare out the window and count how many people in cars are picking their noses or reading while they drive ( I am NOT making that up ) or I read those signs that tell you about road work or accidents.

I like to read them to remind myself that not driving has it’s rewards- like I don’t have to worry about navigating my way around wrecks or stalled cars.

That’s all I get out of those signs- all they are is electronic road flares. Whatever. Boink they’re there for one minute and I’m gone the next.

Well wouldn’t you know it, somebody somewhere has found a way to hack into those boards and depending on where you live you may have seen messages that read:::

Chris Nakashima-Brown

 

 “DAILY LANE CLOSURES DUE TO ZOMBIES.”

“RAPTORS AHEAD — CAUTION.”

 “NAZI ZOMBIES! RUN!!!” and “ZOMBIES IN AREA! RUN.”

It does get better

there was also a sign that read:

Chris Nakashima-Brown

Photo:Chris Nakashima-Brown

The officials in Texas and Illinois are concerned- they’re afraid that drivers could be distracted by the signs and end up causing accidents.

First of all I’d like to reassure them- I’ve watched lots and lots and lots of drivers talking on phones, putting on makeup, shaving, and in some cases flipping each other off and chasing each other around the freeway while in the midst of road rage.

And guess what.

The freeways are not covered with cars or bodies.

Besides.

Anything that promises me, even in jest, that Zombies are roaming the streets and that packs of Raptors are hiding on the exits waiting to attack unsuspecting commuters

all I can say to that is:

Hey

it’s good for a laugh.

And who couldn’t use a few of those nowdays?

Well That Bites

/ Anita Marie / 3 Comments

funny pictures of cats with captions
more animals

 Today I punched my name into Google

and I tagged a word at the end

and of course it was going to be morbid word.

So

what was it?

Anita Marie Godfrey Obituary.

Anita Marie Godfrey

( my maiden name was Godfrey )

died in

2004

Geeze.

I mean.

I’ve gone and totally depressed myself- that’s something I ususally do to other people-and let me tell you.

I’m really good at it.

I may never recover from this.

Sob.

But hark what is that sound at my door?

Hey Now.

Guess what…the Pizza Guy is here…

WITH CHICKEN WINGS!

Whoo Hooo Everybody.

Life

DOES

go on

and it is sweet…

especially if you add some extra spicy barbecue sauce to it. 

 

 

Nom Nom Nom

/ Anita Marie / Leave a comment

snowbeach

 

During the winter

somebody built this snowman on a beach

and I thought it was funny

because

it was intended to be taken, bit by bit by the tide.

I mean.

It was designed and it’s only purpose was to be eaten up and swept away

– but that’s okay because there’s plenty of snow around to make another one-

you know

to feed the tide.

So today as I looked at this picture

and

I was thinking that the Republicans who opposePresident Obama’s Stimulus Package

 had better consider

what to feed that tide-

when we run out of snowmen.