Seriously.
Did you know Teenage Goth Girls are into having Pet Rats?
There’s a market for it.
Oh.
I learned about it from Chris:
Month: February 2009
It’s A Guy Thing
My Friend Jonnee Sent This To Me
It’s About Guys
So you know, it’s going to be super funny-right?
NICKNAMES
1. If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
2. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT
1. When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
2. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
2. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.
BATHROOMS
1. A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
2. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
1. A woman has the last word in any argument.
2. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
1. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
2. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
2. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
1. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
2. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
1. A woman will dress up to go shopping, go to the gym, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
2. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
1. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
2. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
1. Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
2. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house..
:::And to Sum It All Up:::
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!
Friday Is Funday
Here’s a little fun little story to take into the weekend with you
I’ve been TOLD it’s true.
All I can say is…please God…let it be so..
Photograph By: Joelle Ligon
Once I heard a story about Seattle-
It was all about toilets-
of course the minute I heard that I was all ears.
::So here is the story:::
Once Upon A Time
in Seattle
everyday
when the tide would come in
all of the toilets along the waterfront would back up and then explode.
The End.
I love Seattle.
Do you hear me?
LOVE IT
For Whom The Answering Machine Beeps
So today on my answering machine are calls from
Mortgage Companies
who want me to take advantage of low low interestsrates.
And right after those calls
is a call from someone who wants to talk to me about
Purchasing
Pre Planned Funeral Arrangements.
I toyed with the idea of leaving them all each other’s phone numbers tonight.
You know.
I think I will.
a.m.
Coffee, Tea or um…
LYNNWOOD (WA).– An espresso stand featuring semi-nude baristas that opened next to a preschool and across the street from an elementary school is raising hackles. Story HERE
The Mayor of Lynnwood says this is a ‘touchy’ subject and someone left a comment on this article that reads in part: Please quote the portion of the article that says children can see naked breasts from the school.
You know, why a million more of these stands didn’t open up in Lynnwood right after this article appeared in the Herald I will never know.
So.
What do I think about Coffee being served by girls in their underwear down the hill from where I live?
I hope they don’t spill any on themselves, that stuff is hot.
Yeah.
That’s about it.
The Devil In The Details
There are a lot of reasons why, if you’re going to start kicking the proverbial dog around the block you should not do it out in public.
I was at this snack place when a person I talked to occasionally starts ranting and raving and fuming to me about, ” Obama bailing out those slackers and scammers and rewarding them by buying them a house with OUR tax money. “
” Really. We shouldn’t help to keep people in their homes, we should go let them live on the streets.” I said.
” Hey. They made bad choices. They deserve it.”
That’s harsh. So even though we have the ability to help them, we shouldn’t. ” I asked just wanting to make sure I understood the conversation.
” That’s the way it is.”
” So even though the ability to help is there, we should just not use it.”
” It’s about people thinking they’re entitled to things when they’re not. You just don’t get it.”
” You know, I get it. Really. Like I know CPR- so if you were having a heart attack I could help you. But do you know what? You didn’t take care of yourself so why should I take time out of my day to reward you by putting air into your lungs and massaging your heart ? “It sounds like you may have made some pretty rotten choices in life that damaged your heart and it’s not up to me to bail you out right?”
………….
Well.
Am I right?
Oh! Hurrah!
Oh! Hurrah!
Nobody I know lost their job today.
So to celebrate
here’s a really nice picture of
-David Tennant-
Poor David, whenever things get bad around here I totally forget to pay attention to him.
I’m such a bad, bad fan.
And Then She Said….
Today on my bus ride home I was talking to a few of my friends about things-
and one of them asked if I was writing about how bad things are with the economy and how it’s affecting our lives.
I said:
” I just wrote a story about a woman who sews her face on every day. “
There was this silence and I figured I hadn’t explained myself very well so I go on:
” She’s really bad at it.”
No one would say anything.
” No one will help her- so you know, she spends all day in front of a mirror trying to sew her face on. She’s alone and faceless. So yeah, I guess I am writing about how bad things are.
Call me negative but I’ll bet nobody will talk to me on the bus ride home tomorrow.
Irregular Bones 