Do you know what happens to suburbanites who can’t get to the Mall during things like Snowstorms and power outages and floods?

They get Cabin Fever.

That’s what some of my friends told me they had after being stuck at home during the snow storms and cold we had here in Washington State- which was funny. Not the snow part but them using phrases like ‘Cabin Fever’.

I don’t think most of them have ever seen a real cabin- unless it was on one of those TV stations that  shows reruns of  “Little House On The Prairie “

Anyway- what they went through was not a pretty sight.

Back to the story- as I listened to these ordeals I learned something new- ” Cabin Fever ” is no longer ‘a slang term for a claustrophobic reaction that takes place when a person or group is isolated and/or shut in, for an extended period’ it is now  code for ” I couldn’t get to the Mall.”

Let me tell you, nothing is more sad then to witness another human being stripped of the thing that gives them purpose in life, a goal, satisfaction- a reason for being.

Oh.

And Pleasure.

The Mall.

If it were a Woman men would kill for it and if it was a Man women would have surgery for it.

Come on, you know it’s true.

Anyway.

As I listened to my friends describe their own versions of  being trapped in ” Hell House” I thought of all of those Sci-Fi Movies where we get invaded and totally slapped down by Bugs that wear spacesuits and realized how unlikely that sort of thing was- but not for the reasons you may think.

I thought that if Aliens came down from outer space and landed on the freeway and the Army ( or would it be NASA or the Air Force or Homeland Security? ) had to shut down I-5 and cut off access to Alderwood, Northgate, and Westlake Mall  those Invaders would  get their Space Suited Hineys whipped and kicked all the way back to their homeplanets as a bunch of  Soccer Moms chased after them  while waving their Blackberrys in the air and screaming, ” Move this thing off the freeway you jackasses, I have  A LIFE !”

It’s sad to think that some of us wouldn’t hock a loogie on another human being if they were on fire- but they would beat back the Devil and all of his minions with their bare hands to get to a sale at Macy’s.

I don’t think some people developed Cabin Fever during the storm and went a little nuts.

I don’t think that at all.