You start treading water

 

On the seventh day of Christmas, 
my true love sent to me 
Seven swans a-swimming, 
Six geese a-laying, 
Five golden rings, 
Four calling birds, 
Three French hens, 
Two turtle doves, 
And a partridge in a pear tree.

When I was about 10 I asked my Mom if she thought it would be a good idea if I gave her a Christmas list- Why not she said- so I pulled my list from behind my back and handed it to her.

Under the heading ” Anita’s Christmas List ” was one line: 

” I don’t want Barbie dolls, I hate Barbie Dolls please don’t give me Barbie Dolls”

Anita

My Mom was used to my weirdness, I think she just put herself in a happy place and for as far as her mind’s eye could see I was but a dot on the horizon…. a dot that was too far away to actually be heard and if I by some weird twist of fate she could hear me- in that happy place in her head I was someone else’s kid.

” That’s not helpful…. what do you want for Christmas?”

 ” Anything? ” I asked.

The look on her face answered my question, so I took the list back turned it over and wrote two things:

Please give me a tape recorder and a hat.

Anita

She glanced down at the list and looked at me and said…” what kind of hat?”

Oh. I want a hat like Karl Kolchak has, and I need a tape recorder so I can interview people about-“

” Monsters.” we said at the same time.

I was smiling my Mother was not.

” How’s about I get the hat then? Mom, I really need these things. They’re important. I’m going to write about monsters when I grow up- really! So please, please get me this stuff.”

My Mom lit up a cigarette and took a long hard drag on it-, which was never a good sign so I said, ” Okay fine, I want a bike. A stupid bike. Just like the kind Bonnie…”

My Mom started to walk away and I followed her saying, ” and Shelly and Janet and Darryl and Kimberly and Lita (at this point I just started to make up names) are getting.”

She never turned around, she just walked into her bedroom with me following her barking out these names and then she shut the door on my face.

Wow, I remember thinking, I may have gone to far this time.

So I was not a happy kid leading up to Christmas.

One evening I saw my dad bring in those long boxes that bikes come in and I heard him putting it together.

At this point I knew I was being a brat and believe it or not I was starting to feel really bad- bad enough that my stomach hurt.

To make it worse something with the bike assembly wasn’t going well, my dad was getting discouraged so his cousin came over and they put together my bike and my brother’s bike.

After awhile they started to laugh and it sounded like they were having a good time.

The lucky dogs. 

I sat in my room drawing smiley faces with vampire fangs on the wall inside of my closet with my new box of neon crayons and listened to one comment after another about what a weird kid I was…” What is it with her and those monsters?” someone said.

Well, I wished I knew- instead I just sat there with my neon Smiley Face Vampires and cried.

That night we watched those Christmas cartoons and my parents wrapped some stuff to take to our Grandparent’s house and as I walked back to bed someone said “Merry Christmas. “

I think it was my Dad.

I didn’t answer.

So the next morning my brother and sister try to get me out of bed and I just didn’t want to open my eyes.

I felt awful.

My efforts to become a reporter in search of monster stories had been thwarted- instead of getting the tape recorder and hat I was going to get a bike and I was willing to bet my life I’d get a Barbie Doll too.

So I walk out into the living room and there’s my new bike, there are the three skinny boxes that only Barbies come in and lots of other nifty things that would probably appeal to me later and in one box were three yo-yos.

Score.

They were Purple, Orange and Green.

The Orange one had a Sun decal on it

Promising I told myself.

Not that I was going to let on that I was actually pretty thrilled.

So as my brother and sister settled down to play with their loot I stayed on the couch with my yo-yos and mindlessly ate Christmas Candy from my stocking and looked at my new bike.

It wasn’t bad looking as far as bikes went.

It was lime green, it had a gearshift and handbrakes and along the frame were tiny white daisies.

 I reached out and poked at it with the big toe on my right foot.

It tipped over.

Whoops.

 I got up and when I lifted it off the ground it hit me…this was my bike. I could go anywhere on it- I could ride to the woods (where my friends and I were building a fort) I could ride to Darryl’s house and we could ride over to the cemetery in the next town and look for the Witch’s Grave.

YES!

I had a bike.

So I go into my room dive into some clothes and put on my black rain boots and head out the front door- and just as I hit the street it started to snow.

Oh boy.

I hopped on and I was gone for almost two hours.

When I got home I had a bruised knee a huge bump on the back of my head and I’d sprained my ankle because at the age of 10 I had not yet mastered the art of riding a bike on ice and snow.

I was also covered from head to toe in Chicken Pox.

Oh.

In case you’re curious.

It was a great New Years too.

The Nightstalker

Kolchak: The Night Stalker was a television series that aired on ABC in 1974 about a newspaper reporter—Carl Kolchak, played by Darren McGavin—who investigates crimes with mysterious and unlikely causes that the proper authorities won’t accept or pursue.

 

Only 6 more days until I reach

The Inner Circle of Hell

CHRISTMAS.