The Spirit of Christmas Gets The Bird

 

On the first day of Christmas, 
my true love sent to me 
A partridge in a pear tree. 

This is all about the cold blooded murder of my Christmas Spirit- or maybe it was more like Manslaughter.

Anyway.

The crime took place at the bookstore I managed.

It was an hour or so before we closed.

This is how it happened:

A man wanted an ” Oprah Book Club ” selection to give to his wife for Christmas – now there was a novel idea ( no pun intended )- which was shared by every single man in America who knew his wife was an Oprah fan.

Of course we were sold out- and so where all the other bookstores in the bookselling world.

 Now keep in mind that these guys were in a bookstore with lots and lots of other books that were almost as good as Oprah’s.

Did they chose one of those?

Hell no.

They were clueless.

To be fair, some of these guys probably only came in once a year to buy the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition- and we keep those up front so it’s not like they cruised the shelves checking out the literature- not with the Swimsuit Girls in their hands.

Anyway- Mr Husband walks up to my employee and asks for ‘THE OPRAH BOOK’ and my employee says, sorry blah, blah, blah”  and she was far more empathetic to this guy then I or anyone else in the book-selling Universe would have been after being verbally assaulted over and over again because we didn’t have ‘THE OPRAH BOOK’ two freaking days before Christmas.

This guy rolls his eyes up to Heaven, not caring that Jesus and the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future were probably looking down at him and says, ” Let me talk to your Manager. “

I introduce myself and ask how I can help and he looks at my 17 year old employee and says, ” you need to fire this useless piece of garbage- “

I said to this guy in the same voice I would use as a Funeral Director ( when things would start to go sideways with the family) ” It’s a good thing there really isn’t a Santa otherwise you’d probably be getting coal in your stocking this year- and like that’s only if Santa bothered to stop by your house at all.”

It’s true.

I said that.

My employee spent the next few weeks asking me if I was going to get fired for saying those things- and when I wasn’t fired I turned in my notice.

 R.I.P

Spirit of Christmas

YOU SURE DID KNOW HOW TO HAVE A GOOD TIME

 

Only 12 more days until I reach

The Inner Circle of Hell

CHRISTMAS.