how I survive the holidays
1 cup of dark brown sugar
1 cup (2 sticks) butter
1 cup of granulated sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups of dried fruit, such as dried cranberries or raisins
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 tsp fresh lemon juice
1 cup coarsely chopped walnuts or pecans
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila (silver or gold, as desired)
Sample the Cuervo to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it’s best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off floor.
Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Check the Jose Cuervo.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.
OMG!!! This is HILARIOUS! My best friend and I are wrapping up “Christmas Cookie Weekend” and we only went through one bottle of Crown Whiskey…..so far.
This is so funny.
Gosh, all those years when I was a kid and we left milk and cookies for Santa…. we should have left him a plate of tequila cookies and a bottle of Jack Daniels– think what a haul we would have made off that guy!
Of course you run the risk of waking up Christmas morning and finding out that Santa thought it’d be fun to stack all your presents under the dining room table instead of the tree and that he wrote the names on the gift tags ‘in secret codes’ that only your parents can read.
Irregular Bones 
It’s a good thing Jose’s friends (Jim, Jack, and Johnny) didn’t show up too or there’d be a real mess.
🙂
omg! that was hilarious! i could definitley picture myself making tequila cookies!
All I can say is thansh for shptoping by and
Bone Apafetesh
A pint or a fifth of tequila?!
Man, I could so win that cookie contest I’m going to tomorrow with this recipe.
But I opted out of the contest to be a judge.
I just stack up the beer cans. Saves cooking.
OMG!!! This is HILARIOUS! My best friend and I are wrapping up “Christmas Cookie Weekend” and we only went through one bottle of Crown Whiskey…..so far.
This is so funny.
Wow Tony…and I have to celebrate the Christmas season in England!
Jen and Kitty- we need to talk- your cookie weekends kick hiney
.
amm
I shoulda brought some tequila cookies.
That’s the spirit Kitty…you can’t influence judges but there’s nothing about putting them under the influence…right?
LOL. Well said Anita Marie.
Gosh, all those years when I was a kid and we left milk and cookies for Santa…. we should have left him a plate of tequila cookies and a bottle of Jack Daniels– think what a haul we would have made off that guy!
Lori
Yes. Yes you will. I can promise you that.
Of course you run the risk of waking up Christmas morning and finding out that Santa thought it’d be fun to stack all your presents under the dining room table instead of the tree and that he wrote the names on the gift tags ‘in secret codes’ that only your parents can read.
Oh hey, just chalk it up to Holiday Fun
Actually, I just had a memory jog. My mom did leave bottles of beer for Santa instead of milk.