‘Cause God Says So…that’s WHY

fire46.gif

A few weeks ago I wrote a story about a Road Rage Incident I witnessed on the way home from work. The thing of it is, there are so many of these stories going around now that it caught someone’s attention.

Whose?

God’s- that’s who.

Look, I don’t know why God got on this one. I figure  God must have had one of those ” I’m in the mood to flood the world but I promised not to do that again days “ and  decided to go for the Road Ragers instead ( GO GOD! ) through the Vatican 

So here they are – from God’s lips to your ears-

The “Drivers’ Ten Commandments,” as listed by the document, are:

1. You shall not kill.

( check )

2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.

( No more Drive By Killings, I like that one )

3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.

(Like talking your way out of tickets- right?)

4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.

(Okay, there’s nothing wrong with aiming high God but I wouldn’t keep my fingers crossed they might cramp after awhile)

5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.

(THAT MEANS NO MORE CRUISIN’ FOR NOOKIE!)

6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.

( HEY QUEEN OF THE DUI’S THAT’S YOU PARIS HILTON- PASS THIS ON TO YOUR FRIENDS)

7. Support the families of accident victims.

( Check, I like that one )

8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.

( whoa…I just flashed on scenes from the Jerry Springer show- don’t know about this one )

9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.

( Good one God, you’re on a roll here )

10. Feel responsible toward others.

( You’re talking to Reality Show Junkies out there God, they’re all about kicking people off

The Island- but I’ll give it a shot )

RIP Good Manners You Won’t Be Missed

hearse21.gif

So I’m waiting for my bus, eating my Cheetos (thank goodness Cheetos cover at least two of the major food groups because the only other thing I had to eat today were a handful of Hershey Kisses and even a dedicated junk food junkie like me who is in serious need of intervention could pretend that was real food) when one of the buses pulls up and this blind lady with her seeing eye dog goes to get on.

I play this game when I see her board her bus; it’s called ” How many rude jerks are on the bus today? “Today there were six and this is how I figure it out.

The front bench seats on the buses are marked for handicapped people right?

Well this lady and her dog get on and nobody gets off their butts to give her the seat- and they should for one practical reason. She can’t really  sit in the two passenger seat unless she sits her big dog on her lap. That won’t work so he has to sit in the narrow aisle where he can’t help but to be in the way.

Considering the Milk of Human Kindness doesn’t flow around these parts you can only imagine the huffing and puffing and sounds of indignation this woman has to listen to as people have to make their way around her dog.

Anyway, sitting on the bench seats are teenagers and people with lap top computers and a couple of women who purposely look in the other direction as she walks by (hey, she can’t see you but everyone else CAN)

 I see her walking towards the back of the bus where the other bench seats are and to the front again and then…

she gets off the bus.

Wow.

I’m not sure if there’s a Hell – but today I’m really, really , really hoping there is.

Godzilla!

I’m willing to put my Horror Fan cred on the line and say Godzilla could whomp any of those wussie theme park dinosaurs in the

 Jurrasic Park Films

anytime, anyplace

and he could do it with one

arm tied behind his back.

– Did I mention he’s also had

 a cool song written about him?

( look at the bottom of this page)

Plus he’s great Dad.

So without further ado

Ladies and Gentleman

May I present

Godzilla

King

of the

Monsters

1954-2007

&

Beyond

amm

son.jpg 

Abracadabra!

vi9.jpg

Do you want to know what I wish for every single day?

I wish against wishes that the egg rolls I eat for lunch are super crunchy just like they were that one day two years ago.

I wish I were taller. I’m five-five which pretty much doomed me to the average category everywhere else in my life.

I wish I could cheat at cards-not for money- I just like the idea of being a card shark. They get to wear cool sunglasses and drive boss cars.

I wish for a blackout blizzards to hit us in June or August- right in the middle of a heat wave- just so I could see the look of surprise on everybody’s faces.

That’s what I wish for, aren’t you glad you asked?

candle1-3.gif

okay…now it’s your turn make a wish and blow then candle out.

Did your wish come true?

No?

Well who cares.

Wish anyways

and wish

BIG.

amm

Lighten Up Baby

m06c10ia.gif

You just know that when the guy in this clip was a child he was the one that cornered sweet little in the halls and then pushed them into corners and the entire time he was  doing that he was twisting their arm and screaming, ” Say it! Santa isn’t real…say it!”

And he probably wouldn’t  let them go until they agreed. 

Here’s the whine puppy himself:

The following clip is what he was upset about

Unlike this guy the only fault I’ll put on the people that put this together is that they didn’t try harder to tell what could have otherwise been an awesome story

For Shame.

Really Important News

m0hgkt3m.gif

These are news stories that I thought were important this week.

And this is my blog so I’ve decided that it’s  REALLY IMPORTANT NEWS.

First Up:

This story suggests water may still flow on Mars ‘ in brief spurts’. I don’t know what that means, but I hope that there is water on Mars and I hope that there are Martians to- bad ones- parked in the Martian desert somewhere just waiting for their chance to kick some Earthling backside like they did in the original  ” War Of The Worlds “.

Don’t feel all superior…we didn’t beat the Martians in that story. The Bacteria in the Earth’s atmosphere did the Martians in.

Yes indeed, tiny single cell life forms and they whupped the Martians who had space ships and ray guns.

There’s a lesson in there somewhere.

Next Up:

dancing_skeletons.gif

Thousands of McDonalds French Fries caused a traffic jam on I-90 going over Snoqualmie Pass in Washington State. Go ahead, just let those words ( french fries, traffic jam ) wonder around you head for a minute. It’s enough to make you google French Fries and Snoqualmie Pass right now, isn’t it?

Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Okay, are you ready for another one?

scream.gif

I live in Snohomish County, and we don’t get enough attention. No one knows we are here. I’m not talking about  the rest of the world I mean within the state of Washington

It’s all because of Seattle ( which is in, but some would say IS King County). Plus we don’t have anything like the Space Needle  up in Snohomish County or anyplace cool like Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppe

Well try living next door to that, I mean unless come up with a club like the Solstice Cyclists aka the Naked Bicycle Riders, Snohomish County will continue to own the role as King County’s dateless sister who spends her weekends with her cats.

So I figure that someone up here just couldn’t take it anymore and they got a little too desperate for attention. In itself  that could explain why recently one of our Political Parties thought it would be a really great idea to run a Magician for the position of Snohomish County Executive. 

Hey I have nothing against Magicians. Harry Houdini is a hero of mine I’ve even written a story about a Werewolf who wants to become a  Magician in a Sideshow…but man, I was kidding.

So those were news stories I thought were important. I hope you found them as interesting as I did.

amm

Seattle Screening Of Sicko

Here are a few things you need to know about me, I was a Mortician’s Apprentice, I write Tales of The Macabre, I’m not a stranger to despair or pain or tragedy and nothing that people can do to themselves or each other phases me anymore.

I thought I’d seen it all.

That all went out the door last night when I attended the screening of Michael Moore’s Film Sicko.This movie got in my face and I couldn’t fight it back- it made me think and it made me feel.

 And most of what I felt was angry.

I was angry, furious, at myself for living in a culture that allows Dollar Munching Desk Trolls in the Health Industry to tell a man they’re denying him treatment -( thereby allowing him to die-) and then allows those Trolls to send this man home to deal with this death sentence alone behind a closed door while his wife stands on the other side of the door alone and has to realize that her husband is about to be torn from her life and there isn’t a thing she can do to stop it.

I’m furious that any Mother in this Country has to hold her dead child in her arms and apologize… You read that right APOLOGIZE for allowing her to die because she didn’t make the right call to the right Dollar Munching Desk Troll at an Insurance Company and ask the right question that would have allowed her to live.

Those Dollar Munching Desk Trolls should have been holding that Dead Child and they should have been there apologizing because that Child should still be here…damn it she should NOT be gone.

I challenge you- see the film and see if you can walk away from it without questioning  why we take such horrible care of each other and ourselves- why we’ve allowed ourselves to be fertilzer that makes the lawns of Corporate America so green- then you win.

It’s that simple.

In fact, I’ll be the first to say you win and I’ll stand on the curb with my mouth shut and allow you to enjoy your victory…it’s all yours and you should enjoy every second of it.

Just don’t get Sick.

MICHAEL MOORE WANTS TO HEAR FROM YOU!

Official Trailer

25 Minutes

cjskelweb.gif

I was thinking about a conversation I had on my way to work this morning.

I ride the bus into Seattle every morning-  my route is called the Commuter Bus. The Commuter Bus is like the School Bus revisted so there’s the cool kids, the loner kids and the loser kids.

I fall between the last two, so I keep to myself.

This morning this guy gets on the bus, and you know he’s fallen on hard times and he sort of smelled like stale beer. When he passed me he said hello like he knew me and then apologized because he’d mistaken me for someone else.

( sure ).

So we start talking about where he’s headed for the day and then he starts to tell me about his job and how he has some family issues to deal with.

You know sometimes you can just see that someone needs to talk? They just want for someone to know they’re here.

So I start to talk to him and as we’re talking Miss America who blesses us with her attitude and presense every morning,  leans across the aisle to where one of the other Cool Kids,  (I mean Commuter)  is sitting from her and she’s making fun of me and this guy.

To his credit the other Cool Kid (I mean commuter) ignores her and she sits back and shuts her mouth for the rest of the trip.

So this guy goes into detail about his job as a Flagger ( he directs traffic when the roads are under construction ) and he’s into it. He told me about the tree types of flags they use. How some flaggers are actually scared of traffic and cars and how some people are just not into the job.

He obviously is.

Now I thought this was interesting because I see these guys all the time and I never really thought about what it was like to be out there. I never realized that there was drama an excitement out there along side the road…and I should have.

So I let him talk and it was a good trip, it was a fun talk and time well spent. He made me forget I wasn’t one of the Cool Kids ( I mean Commuter ) that sits alone in the back of the bus and waits for the trip to be over every morning.

When I got off the bus Miss America looks up at me with a frown and gives her long blond hair a toss as I walk by.

Oh  I almost forgot…it was a satisfying trip too.