I’ve had bad moments in my life but I haven’t reached the ” kill me now God ” stage.

It’s been close but I’ve dodged that bullet- however I have been around people when they all but dropped to their knees and hoped, they prayed that the Black Hole that’s supposed to be in the middle of the Milky Way Galaxy will burst and then spread and suck them up like lint into a dust buster.

You can’t NOT watch those human train wrecks no matter how hard you try not to.

I like to go to this little Chinese restaurant for lunch- the staff is nice, the food is good and I happen to like watching the Chinese Music Videos that they have going on the TV.

I can’t understand a word of it, but who cares? The music is good.

Anyway, I’m eating my lunch and the waitress is telling me about her weekend and what she’s going to do to celebrate the Chinese New Year.

That’s when these 5 guys come in and she seats them at the table right next to me and sets them up with menus. While she waits for them to order she comes back to my table and she’s telling me all about her New Years plans and the food she has to make.

Sounded good and she did almost all of the chatting when the guys say they’re ready to order. So she goes over, takes their order and goes back to the kitchen.

That’ when these guys start going on about this case and how they’re going to play it in court and it was an education because I had know idea the law was so – flexible.

Lawyers I thought to myself- but you bet I listened in because the dirt they were dishing was pretty interesting. It was like Law and Order on TV but nastier.

Then they move on to other subjects, like this other attorney in their office whose sleeping with the receptionist … and this attorney and the receptionist are both women.

I’m just amazed at this point that these guys are so loud and vocal about this stuff when it dawns on me that they’d only heard the Waitress talk…and my friends she has a heavy, heavy accent.

And I am very very not white looking.

In fact there was a couple of dozen other people in there for lunch besides me and the Attorneys and almost none of  the other patrons were speaking English to each other.

So I wondered if they knew I could understand every single word they’d said and I decided these are well educated people in the middle of Seattle having lunch should know better then to think something that…lame.

The waitress got the food out and just before she walked passed me I reached out and touched her arm and said, ” so, like are you gonna have Pizza at your party? Cause if you do I am SO there. ”

That’s when the silence from the next table spread and blotted out the Sun and changed reality as we know it.

I heard somebody’s fork hit the table and then I looked up and smiled at my co-patrons with a wolfish smile. That smile involved all of my teeth and it was so big I think I may have hurt some of the muscles in my face.

But it was so worth it.

It’s funny but at that moment I would have swore in a court of law that all five of those guys looked exactly the same…maybe it was the looks on their faces that gave that impression. You know it was that look that said,

” Kill me God, please kill me now. “